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P.S. your was awful [23 Jan 2008|06:30pm]
Today was one of those days where I was so miserable that I didn't even want to be able to hear my own thoughts. Yesterday kind of sucked too, just not as bad as today.

NO I don't want to hear "Aw you look miserable today" because if you're saying that, you're lucky that I just look miserable and that I'm not voicing it.
NO I don't want to hear things like "Miss Cranky" or "Miss Pissy" as if that's your idea of "cheering me up".
NO I don't want to talk about it with people who just "listen" and won't contribute more advice than that generic "Tomorrow will be better" or "Don't worry about it, everything will work out" crap.
Obviously those people never truly had a bad day and needed to talk to someone. Because if they did, they'd know how irritating it is to hear things like that. Actually, those should be banned. And if they were literal objects, they could be torched.

I don't know what one's worse. To not be able to figure out why I'm sad and angry all day or to know exactly why and just keep thinking about it over and over. Probably to know. I wish I couldn't figure it out. Knowing doesn't fix much.

I'm thinking that I'm the most screwed up person that I personally know. For different things there are different opportunities and they all come swing past my way. And I just avoid them or refuse them. Me saying that it's "the smart thing to do" is getting old because doing the smart thing never really gets me anywhere good. Only to places like today where I feel like my thoughts are so horrible that they're actually burning into other peoples minds. No kidding, I'm an asshole. Ask anyone. I think it's in my genetic code. I think when dad died he planted his bad attitude in my head. He must have, I'm getting to be just like him.

Mom says I'll always be miserable even when I think I'm happy because I have "hate in my heart." She gets that kind of crap from watching religious things on TV. (*Note to self: shoot out all mom's TV's) But after she said it for the millionth time I realized that she's right. That so sucks to admit. Thank God it's just something she's saying and probably doesn't know the half of though.
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