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[08 Jun 2005|08:03pm] |
Officer McDonald just called me. The stalker has been arrested on the restraining order violation. The officer told me she seemed very upset, but not angry. He asked her if she knew why he was there, and she said yes, she knew why. I asked if he could tell from her demeanor if she is taking it seriously now, as she and her friends seemed to think it was a joke before. He said, no, he believes she will take it seriously from here on out. That's really all I wanted in the first place. It's too bad it took someone going to jail for it to sink in.
People will write what they want, all manner of opinions on what they believe I think and why I make the choices I do, but no one knows the truth save for me .. but lucky you. I am about to tell you ..
The boyfriend put it into terms that I could not possibly top when he said "for people to take you seriously, there must be serious consequences". It's unfortunate, of course, that it has had to come to this, but I can only be pushed so far. I grow tired of being harassed and insulted, of being called a liar when the truth has now shown itself to be the very words I had already spoken.
Here is the court's position on restraining orders:
The court does not consider any violation of a Restraining Order to be "small." The law is black and white, and there is no "gray" area for "small" violations. A violation is a violation, and establishes a pattern of behavior. Each time you call in a violation, your call is logged. This establishes documentation about your abuser's pattern of behavior and disregard for the law. If you need to go back to court for any reason, (child custody, assault charges, or if your abuser contests the Restraining Order) this documentation will be very valuable as evidence.
Most abusers try to "test" the effectiveness of the Restraining Order and your determination. They might violate the restraining order in "small" ways - if there is a "no contact" order, they may try to call you, or have a friend/relative call you on the phone, or to send you an email. They might follow you in their car. They might suddenly "show up" at the grocery store when you were there first, and not leave.
Do not hesitate to call the police to have your restraining order enforced. If you want the Restraining Order to work, you have to be determined to use it. Even a "small" violation means your abuser is still disrespecting you and your wishes! Your abuser will try to manipulate your feelings of love and compassion to get around the authority of the courts. If you report even "small" violations, your abuser will realize you mean business, and will figure out that it's not worth his/her time to try to "test" the Restraining Order. Remember that the Restraining Order is in place for your safety and protection.
* Contact your attorney, if you have one, if your restraining order has been violated.
* Contact your domestic violence advocate if your restraining order has been violated.
* Your Restraining Order is effective IN EVERY COUNTY AND EVERY STATE of the United States. However, if you do not have a copy of it on your person, and there is not a copy of the Restraining Order on file with the courts and law enforcement agencies of the community you are visiting, you will lose valuable time because the law enforcement officer will have to call the county your order was issued in to verify it.
I wonder what it feels like to spend the night in jail. Maybe she'll get the fucking point this time. This isn't a game, and maybe now she'll stop treating it like one.
In any case, I am very tired, had a busy day and need some snuggle time with the boyfriend. Until next time ..
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