| just for me, not for anyone in particular.. |
[28 Jun 2005|07:10pm] |
I hope you take some comfort in your hollow friendships, sealed in hatred and convenience. Bound together by a common bitterness. I hope they can forgive you when they find out you've lied to them. I hope they can overlook the things I couldn't.
I wish I had saved your love letters, so I could shove them in your face whenever you say "we were just friends". I wish I could have been there when they slid the handcuffs over your wrists, all because of a simple phone call, because you always have to have the last word.
I wonder when they'll start to question you about the pieces of this twisted puzzle that don't quite fit. Or maybe it's just that they hate me too much to care. Maybe they're your friends to get back at me ... now wouldn't that be ironic, being used by the very people you thought you were manipulating. I'm sure your so-called 'friendships' will be long-lasting, since none of you seem to care about the truth, nor do any of you possess any ounce of integrity. Funny, isn't it, that you're tied together by the very characteristics that repelled me. Funnier still, that you believe you are hurting me by digging your grave deeper, or by recycling those 'friendships' that I discarded, figuratively going through my trash. You're welcome to it. In case you've forgotten, I had long decided I didn't want those people in my life before you invited them to dinner.
If I regret, it is only that I ever met you in the first place. I remember the day I opened the door and revealed you standing on my doorstep. I wish I had never opened that door. For the few good times, there has been far more turmoil. Maybe you're a changed person now, but I can't forgive you for what you've already done. Everyone feels bad for you, poor girl .. 'poor, misunderstood Marsha, who never does anything wrong, and yet has a rap sheet a mile long'.
Do me a favor .. don't bother trying to get me back this time. I already fell for that, one too many times. I was at your side, holding your hand when you needed someone to get you through the breaking point. I put my past aside to help you get through your present. I defended your right to make a choice I knew I would never have to make. I stood up to my own friends, friends that were there for me when you tried to turn my life upside down, when they judged and criticized you. And you threw all of that right back in my face. I thought that some part of me would always love you. That part died today. Are you happy? You finally killed the tiny part left that still cared for you, in any way at all.
There's really nothing left to say. I hope you'll go now. I really don't ever want to have to see you again.
Te bisterdon tumare anava
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