| functional families |
[20 Aug 2005|09:30am] |
Now that Andy and I are approaching the two-year mark, things with his family have settled down quite a bit. When I first met them, they liked me, as I'm sure they didn't think it would last. Once we'd been together for a few months, he moved in with me and that was the start of the problems with his family and me. They weren't ready to let go of their 'little boy'. Actually, I should say his mother wasn't ready .. his dad helped him load up the Jeep *lol* His mother blamed me for taking him away, and ever since then, there were issues. At the fair this year, however, I think they realized I was here to stay, and that while we aren't all that similar, I'm not a bad person, just very different from them. They all enjoy drinking and smoking pot, and are very social. I, on the other hand, don't drink or smoke and I am rather anti-social. I realized something, too, that I hadn't thought of before.
His parents were the 'cool' parents in the town where he grew up. His friends spent more time with his family than with their own. It was a relaxed atmosphere where they didn't have to hide anything about themselves or their habits, and they weren't pressured to believe anything other than what they did. His sister once said they felt that I didn't want to be a part of their family. I think his family is starting to realize, I am not a high school kid who needs to be rescued from their strict, religious family. I am not trying to find a place to hide or escape from my life. As much as I would like to become a part of their family, I don't need to. I have my own. And I am satisfied with the person I am. I don't need to drink or smoke to 'fit in' with them. I'm happy being me. If that requires a bit more effort on their part to communicate with someone who hasn't been 'socially lubricated', then so be it. I'm not changing me to conform to them. I'm strong and independent, and I think initially they were threatened by how different I was from the normal young person. I think they also may have felt that my refusal to join in the festivities was my way of judging them in some way, and I think now they can see that isn't the case. People are different, and that's ok. I don't need them to be like me, or even like my own family for that matter. And I can see now that they finally don't need me to be like them, and that's nice.
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| metaphors in silverware |
[20 Aug 2005|03:33pm] |
I wasn't going to post this, since I didn't write it, but I've decided that it's the best explanation of what I go through. Although my disease isn't potentially fatal as the author's is, it accurately explains what a person with a disease experiences on a day-to-day basis.
( Spoons )
I hear it often ... 'but you look just fine'. What is happening inside my body doesn't always show through to the outside. I don't have a rash, I am not losing my hair. I don't sneeze or cough, and my eyes don't water. My disease isn't visible, but it's there, all the time, under my skin.
I've heard all the home remedies and sought the advice and treatment of specialists in the field. Everytime there is a new episode or 'flare-up', I go through the same questions from family and friends .. 'well, maybe it's something you ate' .. 'try cutting out dairy/meat/raw veggies/soda water'. It just doesn't occur to them that, having dealt with this disease for most of my life (since age 9,) I know what it feels like. I know the difference between indigestion and endometriosis. I know they don't want me to be sick, they want to explain it away and maybe they hope that will make it go away. It doesn't, and it doesn't help me to think those things, either. Having had these problems for now almost twenty years, I know what it is and how to deal with it. Unfortunately, that sometimes means staying home when I'd rather go out, missing events I was looking forward to, or simply not being able to be intimate as much as I would like. Sometimes I can go out, if the trip is short and there are restrooms along the way or at each stop. Sometimes I can't even get out of my own bathroom, or off my own couch. It's not easy sometimes, and it's never fun, but it's my life and I am handling it. Having 'friends of friends' tell me that this pill or that pill fixed them right up isn't something I am interested in hearing. I've been to the best of the best when it comes to this disease and I have been basically told to 'deal with it', after having several surgeries and a hysterectomy. There is something to be said for acceptance and learning to manage your lot in life instead of always fighting it. Some days, there just aren't enough spoons, and I am ok with that. I have to be. I just wish everyone else was.
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