| 3 days |
[14 Jun 2006|11:17am] |
Three days.. three days of unrelenting pain and nausea. Three days of hot flashes when the pain gets even more intense and my whole body glistens with sweat. Three days of forcing down food, no, not because I am hungry, because I have to take pain medicine and if I don't eat, I'll just puke it back up. Three days of wondering if I might do so anyway, because it hurts so fucking much.
I'm growing weak. This disease is beating me. I used to be able to conjure up the forces of my mental 'warrior-woman' and *think* myself okay. If that didn't work, I combined it with warm baths, heating pads, narcotics and anti-nausea meds, and got myself through. Nothing is working like it used to, and I'm scared because, that's all I've got. Nothing else up my sleeve, see?
I'm to the point where I'm contemplating asking for the help of a God I don't even believe in, just on the off chance I'm totally wrong and he is listening..
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