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Ernie saw Hannah at the Ball, struggling with the entire ordeal. He didn't want to say anything about it, but he knew that she was heartbroken over someone. And he was pretty certain he knew who. He didn't like it, not one bit, but Ernie had to comfort Hannah. After all, she was a really great friend, and as much as he didn't like to admit it, he really quite fancied her.
So, when he went out of the Great Hall just a few minutes after she'd excused herself, he couldn't help but bite his lip worriedly when he saw her sitting at the staircase. Completely ignoring the fact that he'd be blocking the staircase, he took a seat next to Hannah and didn't say anything. All he did was hold out his hand for her, just in case she needed some support.
She wasn't going to lie. Things were not how they used to be with Ernie. Over the past couple of years, they drifted further than she ever wanted them to, especially the events of the previous year having such an intense effect on her. She wondered if maybe she had subconsciously replaced Ernie...
But of course, as reliable as he once was, she found him heading in her direction. She watched take his place and hold out his hand, and without the slightest hesitation, she placed her hand in his.
"Are you sure you want to be here?" she asked casually, "Don't you have a date waiting in there?"
He shrugged, squeezing her hand. "She won't miss me. She's had her eye on Finnigan the whole night, anyway. Not a big deal. I wanted to support my friend, instead," Ernie told her sheepishly.
Shuffling closer when someone tried to get down the stairs, there was enough room for everyone, now. "Now, tell me. Since I've given up my date for you, what's wrong?"
"You wouldn't understand," came Hannah's quiet reply, "You weren't there."
As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them and she quickly followed up with an explanation.
"He saved my life...and I don't know, I guess because I really didn't have you or Susan or Justin back then because of all the stuff that went down, I felt lonely. I just want him to see me as more than just this broken shell of a person. I just want to be more than just this broken shell of a person."
"You're not a broken shell," Ernie said with a sigh, watching her closely. "You're a person with feelings, Hannah, and I know that you feel awful right now, but it's going to be okay. You're just going through a shit time."
He frowned. "You're so much better than this, though. You don't need to mope."
"I know."
Looking at Ernie with a questioning look, Hannah wondered about the guy she lost touch with. They had been at school together, and they ran through the motions for years. But there was a question she knew she wanted answered, and finally had the opportunity to ask.
"What happened to us?"
They went from the closest of friends to people who had drifted apart. Hannah wasn't sure why or how it happened, but it did, and a part of her felt as though it died inside.
He stared at her for a few moments, contemplating what on earth had happened to the two of them. They used to be so close, and Hannah had been in favor of Richard, as of late. Sheepishly looking away, he took his hand out from hers.
"Dunno. What happened to us, Hannah?" he asked gruffly.
"I wish I knew, Ernie..."
But the words that remained unspoken ate away at Hannah as she refused to say them out loud. Richard had been there when Ernie wasn't and while they had written letters, Ernie hadn't been able to help her heal the same way.
"I guess you moved forward and I couldn't..."
She hadn't told him, she hadn't told anyone. The only reason Richard knew was because he had been there...he knew the reason she couldn't move forward because he had seen it.
Ernie shook his head. "But you can move forward, Hannah. You can do whatever you want, if you're strong enough. And I know that you're strong enough."
He looked over at her, slightly questioning. "Do you know that you're strong enough?" he asked, wishing that she did know. He knew that he hadn't been there for her, but how could he when she was off with Richard? Ernie had, however, been watching her from a distance - even if she was unaware of it.
"I try to be, but every single time I close my eyes...all I can ever see is death."
The confession hanging in the air, Hannah turned away for a moment, avoiding contact.
"Every moment I'm here and she's not, it hurts to breathe."
Recalling the one close friend who died for her, Hannah sighed. She really didn't want to get any more in depth about the whole thing.
"Charlotte Bettencourt, she was a year older than us...remember her right? She tutored me a whole bunch in fifth year."
He frowned deeper as Hannah told him what she saw. He didn't like that - not one bit. It didn't resonate with him that she was having trouble accepting her mother's death, but he couldn't say that he didn't understand. He did. It must have been horrible to lose someone so close. Ernie didn't know how awful it felt, and he didn't envy her at all.
He slid a hand over her knee, trying to be comforting. When she started on Charlotte, he nodded. "I remember her."
"Yeah, she was there too..."
Hannah exhaled sharply, not knowing how to deal with the conversation at that point. She needed to share it with her friends more and not try to pretend like it was slowly killing her inside.
"She didn't make it...and it happened right in front of me that time."
Hannah exhaled sharply again, this time, she refused make eye contact.
"It's safe to say I've been struggling for a long time now." She stood up to leave and added, "I'm not sure why I thought it was a good idea to come to the Ball."
Once she stood up to leave, Ernie stood up with her. "Don't go," he pleaded quietly, taking her hand with his. "You don't have to go, Hannah. You don't have to feel like this anymore."
Ernie took a step closer to her. "Let me help you."
She felt his hand take hold of hers and his quiet plea reached her ears. Before she could tear herself away, he was closing the gap, offering to help her. At the end of the day, Ernie was the one she had grown up, one of the few who truly knew her best. She needed to go back and trust him. So instead of pulling away, she turned to face him again, suddenly realizing the intimate lack of distance between them. She didn't say a word, unsure of what to make of the situation, but deep down, she knew and trusted Ernie so she didn't panic.
Ernie had to make sure to keep his emotions in check, to make sure that things didn't get out of control. He had to help her, after all, and doing something like kissing her wouldn't help anything right now. Instead, he put a hand feather-light to her waist. "Dance with me?" he asked quietly.
"Sure..."
Hannah allowed herself to be pulled in close for a dance as the music from the Great Hall resonnated, reaching them all the way in the Entrance Hall. Swaying to the music with Ernie...it felt right. The moment was nice.
He pulled her in closer, watching her curiously as she seemed not to mind being so close to him. Ernie was silent for a few moments, just listening to the music around them, and then he spoke. "Now, aren't you glad you went to the Ball? You've got a great bloke on your arm, if I do say so myself." He waggled his eyebrows teasingly. He couldn't help but try to lighten the mood.
"I don't know," Hannah teased back, "I don't see this bloke...you'll have to let me know when he comes around."
The joking that once was a staple of their friendship returned in a small way and for that moment in time, she found herself in a happier time.
He sighed dramatically. "Hannah, you don't know it when you see it. I'm sort of a big deal." Ernie smirked down at her, pulling her closer to him teasingly. He was just trying to lighten the mood, keep her from feeling sad anymore.
"Only in your mind," came Hannah's playful reply.
A trace of a smile was forming on her face, if only for a fleeting moment. She felt much like herself around Ernie again, something that she felt as though she couldn't have around most people, in most parts of the castle. But Ernie was starting to be her light again, where she was realizing other people were lacking.
"I wasn't sure who was coming back, but I was hoping that you would..." she began to say.
Before either one of them knew it, they were in a close, intimate embrace, dancing slowly as though time had stopped just for them.
"...So what made you come back?"
He shrugged, careful not too move too much, settling his chin on her shoulder. "Last year was a waste of time," Ernie said quietly.
Biting her lip, he continued, "I had no bloody idea what I wanted to do after this, either. I panicked. After everything that happened, I suddenly didn't know what to do with myself. I spent so much time worrying that I forgot to focus on anything except for keeping myself alive." Ernie frowned. "So I came back."
"Why'd you come back?" he asked quietly, once he had finished his little speech.
Her first instinct was to say that she came back for him. But Hannah had lost her way over the past couple of years, and while she had someone in her life who tried to help her get her bearings back, she managed to lose sight of everything that made her life worthwhile, especially those in her house, closest to her.
"I...I got tired of being alone."
A simple reply, a partial truth and everything that Ernie needed to know that she was willing to tell him.
"At the end of the day, I think I was tired of worrying and I wanted to find out who made it through the ordeal, waiting to hear from Susan and Justin was pure torture..."
A pause followed.
"I don't know why I asked, I guess I just needed to know."
"I know what you mean," he said quietly.
"I hated it. I hated waiting to hear from everyone, to see who was okay. It was awful, Hannah. I didn't like it. I wasn't even sure I wanted to come back, because of it. I wanted to just get out of this place, so I wouldn't have to worry about any of it anymore. But I had to come back." He sighed, realizing that he had tightened his grip slightly on her hip. They'd completely stopped moving, now.
"At least we're all safe now," Hannah mumured quietly in Ernie's ear before she pulled away slightly, keeping him at arm's length before adding, "I have to keep telling myself that to keep from going insane."
As the song ended, Hannah took a step back to examine her male counterpart, loosening his grip ever so slightly, then grabbing his hand and smiled.
"After staring death in the eye and almost not making it...I'm glad I'm here, with you, having this moment." She placed a kiss on his cheek then added, "I think I'm going to head back to the Common Room now, possibly even to my dorm. You should probably go back to your date now..."
He frowned as she moved away to leave. "Let me walk you up to the common room, at least. My date's probably off with another boy by now. Don't worry about her."
He held out his hand for her to take. "Let me take you."
Hannah took Ernie's hand in hers and they headed for their Common Room. The blonde remained silent, contrary to her male counterpart, she was comfortable in the silence. She took the time to process certain thoughts before her dark haired friend would speak up again.
He didn't look at her as they walked. He wasn't brave enough to look at her. Ernie thought she would make him go if he said something, so he didn't. The silence was getting uncomfortable to him, though, and he chanced to speak, sneaking a look at her. "What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly.
What was she thinking?
Loaded question, wasn't sure she was ready or willing to answer it coming from Ernie, simply because she wasn't sure how well he would take it.
"I made a mistake," she said casually, "I said and did some things I'm not sure I even understand..."
"What mistake did you make?" he asked her, watching her carefully. He didn't like the sound of that at all. "I think all of us did, Hannah."
"I gave in to my heart," Hannah explained flatly, "That was the biggest mistake of my life. I wasn't in love with him...I was in love with parts of him that reminded me of someone else..."
He squeezed Ernie's hand that she was still holding.
He frowned. "You gave into what you thought was right, Hannah. It wasn't your fault."
When she squeezed his hand, though, Ernie sucked in a breath and looked over at her, suddenly realizing who she meant. He blinked, then pursed his lips so that he could bring her to the common room without being seen. "Who is it, Hannah?" he asked, wanting to hear her say it.
Hannah let her silence speak for her for a moment before she said, "I never realized how much I missed you until you were gone..."
It made sense for Hannah to attempt to replace Ernie with Richard, he had all the best parts of one of her closest friends with his own spin to it. And the heroic acts she had been receiving from the Head Boy certainly helped her.
"I don't know much but I know that my life made less sense without you," she confessed.
"Hannah..." he whispered, shuffling closer to her without really meaning to, suddenly feeling worried and confused and surprised that she felt this way. Never mind the fact that he had always felt something for her - she was always in his mind, and he kept his distance so that she could figure things out for herself.
She wasn't backing down, though. He couldn't believe what was happening.
"I know what you mean," he told her quietly, moving closer once they were in the common room. "I miss you, Hannah."
Hannah gave the password at the portrait hole and marched on to the Common Room with Ernie. Torn between heading into the dorms and trying to figure out a way for Ernie to stay with her, she hesitated.
Ernie was torn between kissing her and letting her go. After all, she had just been through an awful night. But he just couldn't stay away. He stopped them both, making her face him. Carefully, he reached a hand into her hair, exhaling a little shakily. Ernie couldn't even say how long he'd wanted this.
He smelled like Chocolate Frogs. And punch. She started to notice things, like the specks in his eyes that made sparkle, or a slight curl on his lips. She noticed the tenderness in his touch, and even some of the tentativeness.
And she let everything go. Everything was a blur but she knew that she never experienced the sensation of a sweet gentle kiss from Ernie before. And her brain and heart were both in a state of shock.
He was nervous, and she was warm. He couldn't help but be drawn to her warmth, leaning forward bravely. Ernie caught her eye for one brief second before flicking them shut and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. It was a protective sort of kiss. He didn't want her to hurt anymore, and this was his way of fixing it. | |
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