In honor of the beginning of spring last week, human resources will be celebrating belatedly by giving out condoms with a biodegradable wrapper. You will also receive a complimentary gift bag of related goods after attending this year's sexual harassment seminar. Though the nature of the workplace is sexual, that does not mean you are exempt from being a professional. Employee attendance is not mandatory, but signing in and sitting through the seminar will reward you not only the gift bag, but two hours paid vacation time, and your name in the raffle to win an all-expenses paid night on the town with company owner, Madara Uchiha-Senju.

Thank you.