C'est juste mon ame de Gitan.
December 2011
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Wed, Dec. 7th, 2011 08:15 pm
Reading Day.

It has been a while since I have had an online journal. Probably close to 5 years, actually. I updated religiously and it was always a good outlet for my brain drain. But....college came, and I quit writing for my own pleasures and that hobby slowly fell by the wayside. I suppose I am at a time again in my life where I need that sort of an outlet.

I've been bitten by the nostalgia bug lately. I've moved around so much this past year, I am not even sure where "home" is. Right now home is back at the house I grew up in with my parents I love so much, but always makes me miserable. It makes the most sense financially for me to stay here, mostly for their benefit, so no matter how much it gets to me, I still wont rock the boat

Truth is, I miss Carolina. I miss the way my heart felt when I was excited and scared to death at the same time. That liberating feeling of living off blind faith and a dollar, no one to answer to and consequently, no one to fall back on. But home always has a funny way of calling me back when it needs me, or I need it. I guess the reality of the situation is that my health can no longer sustain that carefree lifestyle. I'm just so glad that I was fearless enough to take those opportunities when I had them, because those memories have become more precious than anything to me.

Where is my sense of adventure? Well, its there. Just hiding behind a sick body. Man, this lupus diagnosis has really shook my world up. I'm a completely different person than I was 2 years ago, 2 months ago, 2 weeks ago. I want that old "me" back. And if that is ultimately too much to ask for and is impossible? I'd be happy if my current "selves" would do a better job of assembling themselves.

Well, I am sure I could come up with more but my hands are hurting. Maybe I'll post tomorrow about my horrible Dr appt today, since that is something I can really brother my friends or family with. Right now I'm still too mad to talk about it.

Peace!

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