| o14; only a bright future ahead... |
[ Wednesday
June 25, 2008
] |
As of today, I have completed all of my course requirements as an undergrad. I am now officially a graduate of Grand Valley State University, and am also officially enrolled in East China Normal University as a master's programme student.
I cannot express in words how happy I am. Perhaps if I had gotten a bit more sleep last night, I would be bouncing off the walls, hee!
It's so... strange. Time has flown, and I've changed. Grown.
Five years ago I had entered college without any idea of what I wanted for the future, had only been there because it was the "proper" thing to do, and because it was a chance to live away from home and be on my own. I didn't have a major, I didn't have a path, I knew nothing, understood nothing, even though I thought I did. At the age of eighteen, we all think we understand everything when in reality we hardly know ourselves, and college is the beginning of a long journey towards that vital understanding. How unfortunate that I couldn't appreciate that until much, much later.
Four years ago I had a better idea of what I wanted. I knew what I was good at and that I'd always wanted to write a novel and was quite good at writing, so I had picked creative writing for a major because it was better than just staring at "Undecided". I was finishing Japanese language at my university and thought I'd run out of things to study in the interest perspective. I still felt lost in the world and felt like the cycle of class was never ending and that I'd never be fulfilled in life.
Three years ago I took a class because I had to and ended up taking a trip that would change my life forever. I went from a confused, lost, aggravated girl to a composed, happy young woman with a new passion and drive in life. No longer was I fumbling in the dark for what I wanted to do, or picking things because it "worked" or it "sounded good." I climbed mountains, ate vegetables (which really was a first for me!), drank water (also a first!), and opened my mind, body, and soul. I saw everything from a booming metropolis bursting with people from all over to crumbling ruins with the poverty-stricken and the illiterate. I began to not only live, but learned how to appreciate life and all that I've been given and to use it for a greater good: the world. Most of all... I fell in love and got a true family.
Two years ago I continued down the path I had chosen, frustrated with my life at university but never forgetting the lessons that I learned. I took another trip, discovered myself even more, saw the differences and saw no differences, cleansed myself again, saw a place that had come to a form of peace that I had not yet quite seen. I drank tea with a single-minded devotion, embraced those around me, and learned what it meant to experience heartbreak in the form of romance. I re-discovered myself once again, and formed bonds with new friends and re-formed bonds with old. I was nicknamed 'Summoner', summoning happiness, smiles, strength, and courage to those around me, and reinforced my decision to do what it could to summon as much happiness as possible.
One year ago I walked in a graduation ceremony even though I wasn't quite finished, I repeated a trip, saw the conclusion of the labors of love and experienced the highest form of wisdom: happiness in spite of all. I plummeted down into the depths of despair, alone in a foreign country, lost and confused when I had been so sure of myself for so long. I moved forward, still utterly alone, keeping a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was break and fall. I slept behind stone-cold walls, went without food or drink, worked, studied, and most of all just tried not to show anyone my tears.
This year...
I returned back to my home country, resumed my studies almost full time, got a mediocre job, received a once-in-a-life time opportunity that I am now in the process of taking. I fought both myself, my doubts, my fears, and my tears. I ovetcame myself, I triumphed over my doubts and my fears, and I learned to appreciate my tears. I have at last finished what I begun as an undergraduate and am now about to continue down my long path. Though I have faced undeniable intense hardships and have experienced more pain and suffering than a person ever should, I have made it out not barely with a breath of my life but on top, walking in full confidence, no longer caring if anyone can see the scars on my heart and soul but instead just hoping they see the bright smile on my face.
They say, "I don't know how you did it. I would have died if I were you." I say to them, and to you, "Just love and you will win."
Love! That is the answer to all things, and I am not speaking of merely romantic love in the slightest. Love of yourself that is not in the form of self-absorption but of the mere idea that you are living and finding a purpose, love of life itself, love of your friends, your family, your community, love of those you love, and cherishing every. single. breath. I am loved! I love! I love my studies, my accomplishments, even my wounds that have tried to bring me down because without them what strength would I have? I love my friends, I love everyone who said, "I knew you could do it," and even those who told me I couldn't because I just proved them wrong and with a smile on my face to boot! I just... love. It has been a wind softly blowing and all I had to do was spread my wings.
Just love, and even in the darkest of times the sun will rise.
I am... love. And I will continue to spread that love in the hope that one day we shall all walk together in confidence of our dreams and our destinies, whatever we decide them to be.
Let's all love and grow and we will all be able to watch the sunrise.
I believe.
I really do.
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