| oo2; He is the brightest sunset to my glowing moonrise... |
[02 Jun 2008|02:36pm] |
It's so... so funny how life works.
I was ready to sacrifice myself, quite literally, for the sake of expectations and for what I was told was the right thing. It wasn't what my heart really wanted, but I felt that... you know... maybe it would be fine to live a life of contentment instead of something... more. Maybe I didn't need more. I would still have my good friends whom I trusted with my life, and I would still have my goals, my academics, my way of following down the path of my surrogate fathers. That was okay... and it was all I needed, wasn't it?
I told him what was going on. What was intended for me. I knew he'd be worried about me. But what I didn't expect was him to panic. To be terrified.
"I'm so afraid you will never genuinely smile again, that you will lose everything..."
We kept talking and talking. I insisted I had prepared for this, that it was alright. But for him... it wasn't alright. That he felt like he should do something. That he couldn't do nothing. That his heart...
I told him to listen to his heart, it would have the answers if he felt that compelled to do something.
"...my heart wants you to be happy."
"And what about you? What does your heart want for YOU?"
"...Yuna?"
"Yes?"
"...it wants you."
How could I have been so blind all this time? He'd always put me first. Always me and my feelings and my happiness. He never talked about what he wanted. And truly, even if it had been him or not, he would have been happy as long as I was happy. That's... real love, something I never thought I'd find.
I... ruthlessly buried the idea of sacrificing myself. The details are... being taken care of. We're going to meet in a month. And I can't wait to see his beautiful blue eyes and his beautiful blonde hair at the airport when we go to pick him up.
"Yeah, you and me, we can ride on a star,
If you stay with me, (girl)
We can rule the world..."
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