They all say, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. It has been a very long time since words have hurt me. It has been a very long time in general since anything has hurt me. Words are something powerful, like it or not. That's why music is powerful, the lyrics, the words..all of it matters. If lyrics matter so much, and lyrics are words, why do people think words don't have impact? That is the part I don't understand.

The picture above is of me..I have no face Rowen ripped it off. But you see the Snoopy sweater I wore to bed last night. Snoopy, because that's who she is to me. I wanted her close to me but I couldn't have her. So I settled for the stupid sweater. This is all fucking bullshit. This is why I stopped giving a fuck in general. Because people are judgmental assholes with golf clubs shoved up their uptight asses. This is why I tried to never care again. Because whenever you fucking care, the world and the people in it try to put you down and rip you apart.

Roxan didn't hurt me but what her sister said did. That girl doesn't even know me. She thinks I'm some drunky immoral vapid slutty dumb fuck.  So what some of my songs have some sexual references and alcoholic references? Those things don't define me. Those are just fun songs. So what I acted wild? Doesn't everybody act wild and reckless at some point of their lives? Doesn't everybody just have a period in their life where they just don't give a fuck about jackshit.

I am young. I wanted to be free. I was tired of the world restricting me. I became UNRESTRICTED.  Who the fuck does that girl think she is? Only God can judge me. Only God. And I don't think he even gives a fuck about me to be serious and honest. I'm not just a wet pussy walking around begging to be fucked. Okay? I have feelings, I have thoughts, I am human. So fuck you Rowen. Who the fuck died and made you queen of the fucking universe?

I have never wanted anything more than I want that girl. I don't mean sexually either. That girl makes me feel safe to just be me. I don't have to be wild crazy Riley. I can just be relaxed and at peace and she doesn't expect me to get drunk, or dance around all crazy, or have sex with her. She doesn't expect me to do anything except just talk to her. I got home last night and I tried to call her, her phone said she couldn't receive calls. At first, I thought she didn't want to talk to me anymore...but then I figured it out. Rowen had to have blocked my number.

There was no other option. I had to go to this dinner and so I did. I went alone. Kali and Maddy offered to come too but this is something I have to do on my own. I made sure I was on time. I rang the doorbell then Rowen opened the door. Her jaw almost came off it's hinges. I guess she was surprised to see me and so was Roxan. When the door opened, she turned to look, her face was a portrait of misery and sadness. It was tragic. It broke my heart but when she saw me it was like the sunshine came back and she was smiling just for me. She was smiling because of me.

Rowen invited me inside with a grumble and we entered the dining room where everything was already set up. Roxan sat next to me. In a hushed tone she asked why I never called and expressed her worry and sadness, she thought I wasn't going to come. Already, Rowen was filling her head up with bullshit. I had to get her away from Rowen for a little while and ASAFP. Rowen came back and started to bring food to the table and demanded for Roxan to go into the kitchen.

We ate in a very awkward silence. It was more uncomfortable than the dentist digging in your mouth. Where was the rest of the family? Maybe they were up Rowen's ass, I don't know. Maybe that's why she is such a fucking bitch. At the end, Rowen took me to a separate room and had a nice "talk" with me. More like she tried to put me down some more and I snapped. I wanted to hit her so bad, I was about to. When the doorbell rang, who the fuck what the fuck hell? Kali came......that's some twisted ass shit isn't it?  My sister and right behind her Maddy...all dressed up.

Let the negotiations begin then. When Kali, Maddy and Rowen went into that room to have their fucking conference...Roxan and me went to her room. I don't know what happened between those three and I don't care. All I cared about was feeling Roxan's lips on my own and I was kissing her like I was never going to kiss her again. Because for all I knew, that could've been the last time. My hands were tangled in her hair and we were both gasping for air. 

There was a knock on her door and Rowen was calling for Roxan..she didn't sound happy. Roxan tried to fix her hair as fast and as best as she could and opened the door. Kali and Maddy were smiling and I hear something about Roxan can come over and keep watching movies with us..she can stay hanging out for the rest of the weekend too but has to call every single day to let her sister know what's up.

I don't know what the fuck Kali and Maddy did. But I owe them. All I know is that Rowen still doesn't like me but she'll tolerate me. All I care about is being around Roxan. All I knew was that my heart was racing so fast, it was pounding so hard I thought I was about to have a heart attack or a seizure or something wild and crazy. She quickly packed her things for the weekend and was jumping around and doing her little Snoopy dance and she hugged everybody in the room and was just beaming. 

When God said .. let there be light, that is when he made Roxan's smile. That should be written in the fucking big bible book somewhere. Because that's the God damn truth.

At the end of the day, the scoreboard reads, Riley = 1. Rowen = 0. 

Now since my Snoopy is here, I gotta go...we have a movie marathon to catch up on. Bring on the popcorn, nachos, Reese's Pieces and M&Ms! Oh wait, more good news. Last night while I was sad...I called my manager. As you all know, I'm going on tour but I wanted another act to perform with me.... that will be Roxan. Haaaaa guess how pissed off Rowen is going to be when she finds out that Roxan's manager already said yes! And guess how surprised and happy Roxan is going to be to get the hell away from her bitch ass sister and sing all day with me! Here's the promo poster! Change the score from Riley = 2 and Rowen = 0.