Okay. I tried to fuck that girl. But shit kept happening. First, a gnome tripped me. Then..when she was naked on the floor and I had a rubber dildo in my hand, I couldn't stop laughing and I beat her over the head with it. The funniest part was, it kept going like boing..boing..so everytime I hit her once, it'd bounce around and hit her two more times. She didn't find it as amusing as I did.

I tried to lean forward and say sorry but then I collapsed and banged my head on the wall. Then I was inspired and made up a song called "She Bangs.." So, I started singing..."she bangs..she bangs...ohhh baby..." then I remembered, I didn't make that song. That was Ricky Martin. I got really sad. But then..I hit my head again and forgot what I so sad about.

I couldn't fuck that hoochie mama sugartit lady. I told her to get her candyass out my room, I made her leave through the fire escape. Yep. That's the same fucking way her bitch ass came in too. I don't give a fuck. You bitches have to come in and out my window if you wanna get anywhere.

So okay, now for plan B. What the fuck was my plan b? OH! I remember now. Since I couldn't fuck that girl. I'm just going to go get more drunk, if that's even possible..and I will go to a stripclub! Yayyyyy strippers. Everybody take it off! I wonder if they'll play my songs in a stripclub, they fucking better. That shit would be hot. Especially if they play "Take It Off". That would be fucking sick.

So yes, I'm going to go run around with some strippers. I'm going to come home smelling like strippers with glitter all over my body. When I piss, I will piss glitter. When I shit, I will shit glitter. When I spit, I will spit glitter. I heard glitter keeps the aliens away.

Fuck you aliens. Now I know why Maddy hates Superman, he's a fucking alien. FUCK YOU E.T. FUCK YOU KARATE GUYS FROM THAT SHOW DRAGON BALL Z. FUCK ALL THE ALIENS!! DAMN THEM!!! DID YOU SEE THE FOURTH KIND? THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE AND EAT THEIR REESE'S PIECES...WAIT THE LAST PART WAS E.T.

GOD DIDNT MAKE REESE'S FOR THOSE BASTARDS. THEY DONT PAY TAXES!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WORLD COMING TO!!! WHY IS THERE TIOLET PAPER WRAPPED AROUND MY WRIST. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!11111111111 FUCK YOU OPTIMUS PRIME YOU'RE LIKE A ROBOT CAR ALIEN BITCH. NOBODY LIKES ALIENS!!!

Yeah..so I heard the Yankees won...what the fuck am I talking about?!?!?!?! I must go to the strip club now. I will not be home until it closes and all the strippers dance with me. I will be there til the po-po shut us down. Then I will go to Costa Rica to the rain forest and steal all the parrots and hide them under my bed and feed them chicken selects from Mcdonalds.

P.S.... my arm hair is freaking me out..

OK. NOW I AM GOING TO RIDE MY BIKE TO THE STRIPCLUB..I want all the strippers to do the robot..