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12/13/08 07:28 pm - Dad, is that you?

Im not over my dad. When Im starting to forget about him, something has to remind me of him. I got a call in private, but i didnt answer cuz I was not near my phone. Minutes later, I heard my phone vibrating, so i went into my room, after like 2 seconds it stopped. Meaning that whoever was calling hanged up. I saw the number and it seemed familiar, but then i thought 'whoever called can either call back or leave a message'. This happened like at 1pm, at 4pm I was getting ready to go to my mom's house, and all of a sudden it hit me! i knew that number.
I called, and it took a while for my call to get answered. And i was right, it was one of my dad's number. I wasnt sure if it was his number or his wife's, cuz she answered. So the next day, I talked to Ligia and I asked her what number was my dad using. And it turns out that he is not using the number that called, it's his wife's.
Well, I think that he  called private from his phone, and since I didnt answer, he thought he could call from his wife's? but, why would he call? i havent talked to him since March 09, 2007. His pride is too big for him to try to reach me, and he has made sure that everyone knows that he dont care about me, or my daugther. He knows things he shouldnt, i know he spies on me. And it scares me. I feel like Im being haunted, cuz I cant touch him or talk to him or see him, but I know he is there. And is not a good feeling. I hate it.
Is so hard. I miss my dad. I really really do, but i cant make myself call him my father. My dad, the one who I talked with for hours, the one who was always making jokes and hugging and kissing us, telling us how much he loved us. I cant understand why he has become what he is now. He is the reason why I cant trust anybody, he has hurt me. The man that I loved the most, that I admired and wanted to be like, failed me. And what hurts the most is that he doesnt care.
It might seem weird, but sometimes when Im watching tv, i start crying out of nowhere. I just cant help it. And all I think about is, 'Damn, where is my dad? i miss him'.  But at the same time, I know that he is somewhere inside that evil man that has caused me so much pain. That man that has become my shadow. That man that I fear so much. That man that follows me even to my dreams, which he turns into nightmares. And still I ask, 'where is my dad?'
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