No virgin ears here

You know, it's too bad that I'm not pretty. One of those drop dead gorgeous girls that everyone stares at as she walks away. Maybe then I'd have had a half-way decent Mother's Day. Maybe I should drop 30 pounds (I'm 5'5" and 145-150, depending). I need a nose job (it's huge) someone to wax me whenever I need it (eyebrows and legs etc...I'm too lazy to do it every day) I need laser eye surgery, someone needs to bleach my teeth until they are "neon white" (thank you Jeff Dunham) and let's take care of my wonderful acne while we're at it. Ooo! Also, take my stretch marks away and the cellulite so I can actually wear shorts or, God forbid, a skirt. Can I also have a boob job? These saggy B's just aren't cutting it. And what color should we make my hair?? Blonde? Sounds like a plan. But if I'm gonna be blonde, you should give me a fake tan, too. Can't have one without the other. *sigh* I'm just sick and tired of seeing pretty people. Not just on TV, either. In for real life, too. Yes, I said for real life. I can't go to Pick Yer Nose without walking out feeling like all grody compared to all the other women. Not just the stoopid teeny-boppers, but the soccer moms and the Stepford wives. Even the guys usually look better than I do. </p>

Sierra made "moose ears" at me. Do it. Take both hands and spread your fingers out wide. Now place each thumb just above each ear and waggle your fingers. Congratulations. You have retreated back to your childhood for 2 seconds. Felt good didn't it? Back when you had nothing to worry about except getting your chores and homework done. Well, some of us had more than that to worry about, but in theory, nothing to worry about.

I didn't get breakfast in bed. I didn't get a flower. No candy bar. He didn't even say Happy Mother's Day until I bitched at him for it. And apparently, he's already got plans for Fathers Day. He's supposedly going fishing with Buzz. I was going to have the entire day planned for him. Make him eggs the way he likes, give him something from me and something from her. Maybe even go have a picnic lunch at a park. Just the 3 of us. A family.

I bought him a Tshirt last year. I got nada last year. This seems to be a pattern. Oh, I did get a few sips out of his A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream soda.

I shaved and put on a mini skirt, hoping he'd notice that I was trying to be sexy. (something I never feel I am) He told me that I wasn't going to get sex because we had done it the day before. Damn. I gotta go.

Happy Mothers Day to all you moms and aunts and grammas out there!!

Kitty