Winning At Life - Post a comment

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February 12th, 2009

11:06 pm - Garraaraahh
I've been blowing up in people's faces a lot the past couple of days. I'm just so frustrated and I keep taking it out on people.

The main reason for my frustration is Korean. I feel like no matter how much I study for it, the teacher will point out something I say or do wrong, and has to make an example out of me to the entire class. I probably study harder than every god damn person in there, and yet I apparently am the ONLY one who speaks or reads Korean incorrectly. I just don't want to freaking learn anymore. What's the point of trying harder? I've worked so much harder than last quarter. And where has it got me? Fight everyday to not burst into tears every time he calls me out for something. Even right now I fight the urge to sob--just thinking about it makes me so upset.

But if I quit, it only makes me a bigger failure. I couldn't even last a year of a class required for my potential major. What do I do if I say no to Korean being my major? What would I do? I really feel like I'm not as good at languages like I thought I was. Maybe it was a fluke that I excelled in Japanese in high school. But when I think back, I have a hard time remembering even the simplest of phrases. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared of trying to find something else to do. But Korean completely breaks down my self-esteem and confidence of being a smart person.

I'm scared of telling James how I feel. I know he'd tell me to stop taking Korean, but I really wanted to learn for him and his family. If I quit, what will his mother thinking of me? She already doesn't like me all that much--probably because I'm not a thin, beautiful Korean girl like she probably wishes James would date. James would say not to worry about what she thinks but how can I not?

And now I've started to cry, so I need to go before I ruin my laptop.
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