Do you have a remarkable phobia? Does your phobia have a large impact on your life? 

I would say I have a lot of little fears...but only one real phobia.  This phobia is called glossophobia, the fear of public speaking.  It's a type of social phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder.  Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, sweating (hyperhidrosis), trembling, palpitations, nausea, and stammering. Panic attacks may also occur under intense fear and discomfort.  I would say that yes, this had largely impacted my life in a lot of ways.  I've always been shy, but speaking infront of people is horrible.  I have all of those symptoms when I have to speak.  I think it's a good and bad thing to make public speaking mandatory.  Good because it forces you to speak, so maybe you might get over it.  Bad because they grade you on something that barely anyone is good at.  Sure make me speak, but don't grade me on something that is almost physically impossible for me.  One thing I'm not happy about is that I have to do a lot of public speaking for my senior project.  Ugh I just hate it.  When I had to do my U.S. History speech, I was nervous all day, I didn't eat lunch, and I had a sick feeling all day.  It was horrible...really.  

I'm trying to over come this fear by trying out for the spring musical.  Every single part has a solo, but I really want to do it.  I was first thinking the bakers wife, but I think I'm getting too ambitious.  So I'm thinking maybe Lucinda or Florinda.  I'm trying to research the other female characters (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Jacks mom, and cinderellas step-mom), but there is nothing about these anywhere on the internet.  I just want to know specifically line count, how big the solo is stuff like that.  I don't mind much about range, because I can sing anything.  I just don't want something big, I don't want to choke on opening night.

Alright...so I'll admit it.  I think I'm drunk right now....or really really tipsy.  Yes I have had 3 shots of tequila.  I'm kind of dizy, and laughy.  It's fun and stuff.

p.s.  I'm obviously stupid.  I just turned on music so I could truthfully put something in the music section. 

So I was logging in today and checking my friends page and a post pops up and it looks like I posted it. It said exactly this:

Yeah, for real.  Why the hell am I still up at 7 in the morning when I clearly don't have to be up.  I could have slept in today.  Cunt.  Oh well, I guess I did tell her to wake me up, and that's okay.  So yesterday was the last day of mini-camp.  It was very hot, and I got burnt like toast.  Piss.  I had sunscreen on all day too.  Oh well, I got rid of some of my lines, and the ones I got from the past two days aren't that bad.  I've been trying to get into this whole sunscreen era.  It's kind of hard for me to understand that I can still get tan when I wear sunscreen.  But I wore spf 15 on my face all day, and spf 30 on my upper arms, shoulders, chest, and back.  I never put anything on my legs.  It's pointless.  I don't have huge lines from my sunglasses, which makes me super happy.  

Speaking of super happy....  We learned 20 sets of drill, which is pretty good.  The band can march and play 15 of them, which is really good.  This means that we are going to have most, if not all of our show done by the end of band camp.  Now I don't really know how this is going to play out for the guard.  I know we are supposed to be getting some work next week...but next week is optional.  So maybe the next next week.  We have practice Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.  We're picking up another day, which kind of sucks, but I know we need it.  We're going to have tough competition this year, especially since a lot of our good instrumentalists graduated.  We are left with like 70 (probably less) people, and our sound is going to suffer from that.  My drill is super easy except one set, which is good.  Plus that one set isn't that bad.  It's like 4 steps.  Oh!  We start the show on weapon!  Hell yeah!  I hope the work is challenging, and fucking cute as hell.

So on Thursdays I always take my dads check in and put it in his account.  Well I stopped by the mailbox, got the check, and I saw my dad coming so I stopped and talked to him.  He told me that the fluid in my grandmas lungs wasn't a cause of the cancer she has, no, it's a whole new cancer.  He was so upset, as he was driving away, he was crying.  I felt so bad for him.  So on my way to town, imagine you just found out your grandma has 2 cancers instead of one, and you just got home from mini-camp, which means your wore out, your tired.  Basically, not in a good mood.  So I was driving driving, and right before McDonalds, there is a stop light, and I was already stopping, but this girl like slammed on her brakes, and we bumped.  Thankfully it was just a little one, like a nudge, if I may.  But yeah, it did nothing to her truck, and it did nothing to my jeep.  Which is good because I only have PLPD, which means it's automatically my fault, which I'm taking the blame anyways, yeah it is my fault, I was driving too close to her, and I've been told to stop doing that by my mom and dad.  Shitty.  Anyways, but she called her husband, and he told her to call the police, because that's what you're supposed to do.  I wait like 5 million years for that cop to get here, and he checks everything out, and was like okay well you cant file a report unless you do more that $1,000.00 of damage, and bia, there was none so ha.  But we exchanged info and I went along.  After this I still needed to get his check in before 5 o'clock.  I missed my turn not once...but twice.  I was 5 minutes late.  They had just closed.  I was pissed.  So while nothing is wrong, it was still really embarrassing.  I know I looked like shit, because I hadn't changed from the day, and I was sweaty and I smelled gross, and I'm sure I looked gross.

Today I am going to see my grandma.  I don't really know when I will be leaving, but I know for sure, later in the afternoon.  I'm driving down to Tipton, and from there my dad is driving to Indy.  Usually I just wait until she gets back home to see her, but I feel like I haven't seen her in so long, and with this new cancer, I think she could use the company.  I kind of nervous about the drive, because I don't really know where I'm going.  I know it's all highway, but when it comes to the turn off and stuff, I'm so unsure.  If I get fucking lost, I'm fucked.  Oh well. it's worth it.

So yeah, I think I might go running with Hope today.  Not too far because I don't think fatty can run too far anywhere.  But I think it would be a good idea to start getting in shape, and not just to look good, but it will make my life easier.  Like maybe I can build up some stamina and not totally die at band camp.  I could actually run to my set with out dying.  Plus I do want to look good lol.  I was to get into real shape, because I'm planning on trying out for Glassmen.  You have to be so good, so I'm trying to get better at everything.

Well, I think that is enough for now dont you? 

Alright so I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July.  I know I certainly did.  At first we had Tony, Suz, Rich, Missy, Alyssa, Richard, and Lexy over.  We lit of some bottle rockets and fire crackers.  We decided we needed more, so me, alyssa, richard, and Keaton all pilled into my jeep and went to Ulerys.  We bought lots of those little fireworks that you dont have to be over 18 to buy.  That was fun, so we lit some of those.  Then we ate, then we got in the pool and had an exciting game of volleyball.  As usual, the girls won. ^_^  Then we had to go to the fireworks help in Walton.  So we went there, and they were pretty good.  We came back home and lit of more fireworks, but the ones my dad bought, like the big ground displays.  That was pretty fun.  This is definately one of my favorite holidays.  I was so mad though, I will be 18 in September, so I was kind of mad that I couldn't buy other stuff we wanted.  Oh well, next year will be kick ass.

So I've decided that I am going to quarter-finals with TJ, Nick(TJ's brother), Alyssa, and Hope.  Other people are debatable.  We aren't really sure.  But I'm so excited.  I also decided that when this November comes along I am going to be trying out for Glassmen drum corps.  I don't know how I will get the money if I actually make it, but I'm sure I can think of some way.  I'm also quite sure I'm not going to make it anyways.  You have to be super fucking good to make it into a division I corps.  Well, I guess it's World class now, but it's like the same thing.

I was thinking about how this is my senior year and how this will be my last year of high school guard.  And I thought that I would want to just get right into school and stuff, but I really don't want to stop going guard.  I know I could always join a winter guard, but if you're wanting to do drum corps, you age out.  After like 20 or 21, you can't do it anymore.  If you're older and try to do winterguard you have to be damn good.  I just want to do them once, if I can get a second or third year, then hell yeah.  I just want that sort of close-ness you can get from being on a team you know?  I've always said that I would make sure to keep in touch with everyone from high school, but as I've talked to other people, I realise it's nearly impossible.  And to think about this is really sobering.  People you've been around for 12 or 13 years of your life, it's hard to get my mind around not being about see them again.  Going off to college and getting busy and stuff.  I just think about what it will be like not having my bff's around when I graduate.  Brandon is going south, and I know Hope is going to BSU.  Eden is going to stay in Logan, and go to Ivy tech, and I'm going to do the same, but if I do drum corps, then we won't even be in the same classes.  *sigh*

Well, I better get to bed, I have people coming over tomorrow.  It's going to suck.  My dads friends are coming over, and I don't know any of their kids, so it's going to be akward and stuff.  So yeah, I'm hoping either Alyssa, Eden, or Hope can come over.  My mom was like well, you probably shouldn't have someone over, and I was like okay, I don't care.  I'm going to have a shitty day tomorrow because I'm around people I don't know.  I'm having a friend over, and we're going to have fun damn it!  Anyways...about that bed, I should go, they're going to be here at like 11...to early for me.

<3 megan