The speech and afterwards

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Salty tears ran down her cheeks. There was nothing she hated more. She felt vulnerable, weak, and entirely helpless. She couldn't stand it anymore, so she forced herself up from her seat in King's hall and walked as quickly as she could outside. Once outside she picked up her walk to a full speed sprint. Her heart was in her throat, she felt like she was going to be sick but she kept running. She ran until she reached the edge of the lake. Haunched over, grasping her knees, she gasped for breath. An unashamed sob ripped through her body, sending her to her knees.

Reality had crash landed and she could barely come to grips with it. Blue Ridge was her home, at least it had been, but now it was a stranger. She did not know this place where her favorite teachers (no matter how strict they were) were murdered in cold blood. She did not know that it was possible for violence to spill over into their home. She was scared, pissed off, but mostly just devastated. She cried bitter tears, pulling her knees close to her chest to keep herself form falling apart any further.

When she was sure she could cry no more she finally lifted her face from her knees and began taking deep breaths. She knew she needed to calm herself down before going back to campus, before trying to get on with life again. She rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes for a while. She started humming to herself her state's anthem. It was one of the only songs that could make her feel good when she was feeling most lost.

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Mack hadn't known Professor Gray well, but she had taken a few of her classes and felt like she owed respect where respect was due. She hoped that if she ended up in a pine box that people would offer her the same courtesy. She was feeling a bit lost at the moment anyway, her disagreement with Tatum the night before still fresh on her mind. She had sat through most of the service without a single tear, crying wasn't something that came to the blonde easily, but she had still felt an oppressive tightness in her chest. Mackenzie didn't like it one bit. It made her think about things that she really didn't want to think about. What if it was Hunter? or Michi? What if it was Sera or Jenny who were gone? What if it was Tatum?

Mackenzie didn't think she could sit through much more without breaking, and so she excused herself quietly from the back of the hall with one idea in mind. She had always been a smoker, but recently she had been going through more cigarettes then normal. The instant she was clear of King's Hall, she pulled a beat up pack out of her jacket pocket and was soon watching the white vapor rise peacefully as she walked. It felt better out here, it felt alive.

She made her way slowly towards the lake, wondering what she was going to do about everything. Blue Ridge had been more of a home, more of a family, than she had ever had in her own home. She loved it here, felt like she belonged, and she knew that Hunter felt the same way. She loved Tatum though, and that counted for a lot.

She was about to light another cigarette when she heard singing coming from the edge of the lake. Looking up, she saw Dani and frowned slightly. She didn't know the younger girl very well, she had seen her play in a few Quod matches and she had glimpsed her talking to Tatum at the New Years party. She did know that her cousin was non other than Alex Quinton, whom she definitely owed a knuckle sandwich. Dani looked as though she had been crying, and although that made Mackenzie uncomfortable on a whole new level, she still felt a pang of sympathy.

The blonde walked over to the other girl, flopping down on the ground next to her and holding out the pack of cigarettes as a peace offering. "You okay kid?" She asked a bit gruffly, waiting for Dani to either tell her to screw off or accept a cigarette.

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Dani was surprised when Mack joined her, she looked at the other girl with her puffy eyes and took a cigarette silently. She had watched her on the quidditch pitch over the years and sort of looked up to her and Hunter as two of the baddest ass chicks on campus. She didn't know her very well though. "Gotta light?" she asked, sniffling a little. She wasn't much of a smoker, just the occasional cigarette at a party or over the weekend.

She leaned back on her palms and took a deep breath. "I aint never know someone that died before," she said. She figured there was no use in lying. "Aint never felt so pissed off that someone came into our home," she said more quietly.

"Professor Gray mighta been a hard ass but she was my friend," she laughed, looking out at the lake. "No one ever could put Alex in her place like good, old Amelia," she grinned.

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Mack pulled out her lighter and flipped if open, offering it to the other girl after lighting her own. She adjusted her sunglasses absentmindedly before laying back on the grass with her hands tucked behind her head. "My step dad died a while ago," Mack offered. She blew out another plume of smoke straight up into the air before continuing. "It wasn't like this though, he was sick."

"Hey," Mack said seriously, sitting up on her elbows and lifting up her shades to look at Dani. "We'll find the son of a bitch that did this, we have to. No one comes into my home and fucks with it." She puffed out her chest cockily and gave Dani a reassuring smile. "Don't worry kiddo, Hunt and I'll get 'em!"

She wasn't good at saying the right thing, she never had been. When Dani started talking about the professor she just listened, and gave a small snort of laughter as she talked about her cousin. "Yeah?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "I could'a used her at the New Years Eve party! Your cousin was way out of control."

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Dani lit her own cigarette and handed the lighter back to Mack. She inhaled deeply, trying not to concentrate on anything but what the other girl was saying. They were going to catch the bastard that did it. She was sure of it and Mack only reconfirmed that belief. She nodded firmly. "We gotta catch him," she said. "Sick fuck like that can't be around no kids and it aint right," she shook her head.

She wasn't a nonviolent person, she loved fighting, had a lot of fun doing it, but this was different. This was sick violence, this was unnecessary suffering. It was the work of an animal. "And that Ellis guy looks like a good cop too," she grinned. "You guys'll make a good team. I know this bastard won't get away."

Dani snorted. "That bitch is always outta control fer one thing er another. If I'da know I'da thrown her over my damn shoulder and brought her home," she shook her head. "Worst part about family is ya always gotta take care of their stupid asses."

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Mackenzie just grunted gruffly in agreement and nodded her head, her glasses over her face again. She wished that Tatum was as gung-ho about catching the culprit as Dani was. Would it have hurt the younger girl to encourage her a little bit? She could feel her frustration welling up all over again as she thought about it, and sat moodily for a few moments listening to Dani talk.

"I'll let you know next time she decides to run her mouth," Mack grumbled, forcing a smile. "Damn kid doesn't know when to back down, does she?" As much as Mackenzie was referring to Alex, she couldn't help but feel a bit of shame at how her words also applied to her behavior. She sat in silence for a few more moments before lifting her glasses up again and glancing sideways at Dani.

"Hey kid, can I ask you some advice?" She felt slightly awkward about asking some random underclassmen for relationship advice. Especially since opening up wasn't her strong suit. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that had happened over the past week, she figured. At the very least, Dani seemed to think like her and Hunter, but was just different enough she might be able to help. "Like, about girls? I don't really know what your sexuality is, or care really, but you seem smart enough and I'm at my wits end. Plus, you kind of owe me for the smoke."

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"Definitely," Dani nodded. "I'll make sure to just kick her ass," she grinned. There was probably nothing that would make her feel better than kicking Alex's ass. "She don't know when enough is enough, stupid lil' bitch is gonna meet her match some day though. And she just... she don't listen," Dani shook her head. For as much as she despised her cousin, the girl was still family and family had been instilled in her from day one.

Dani had been taking in the brief silence when Mack asked her the question. She looked over curiously, intent to hear every little nuance in the other girl's voice as she spoke. Dani nodded briefly, sexuality had not been something that Dani had put a lot of thought into until recently. "Well, uh... to be honest I didn' think 'bout it er anythin' but ya know... I think girls are real cute and I think boys are real cute too. So I guess I'm like... bi, er somethin' right?" she could feel her cheeks getting warmer just talking about it. She hadn't admitted it aloud except for gossiping with Tatum.

"But yeah, yeah... lay it on me," she took another puff from her cigarette and prepared for the question. She wasn't sure how good she would be at giving advice.

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"I'll be sure to hold you to that," Mack replied, giving her a small grin back. She usually didn't like to let other people handle her business, but unless she wanted to be arrested for assaulting a minor, she felt like letting Dani handle the situation was a good idea.

Mackenzie couldn't help but smirk a little at Dani's answer. At a different time in her life it would have been a useful bit of information. She probably would have been trying to charm her way into the girl's pants by now. Dani was good looking, and her rough and tumble attitude was something the blonde really liked. Things were different now though, Mackenzie had Tatum. Or, at least she hoped she still had Tatum.

Flopping back and looking up at the sky, Mack took a moment to think about what she really wanted to ask the younger girl. "Do you think I'm being selfish for wanting to do the watch even if the girl I'm with doesn't want me to?" She asked finally, taking a drag from her cigarette. "She's just worried about my well being, but I'm going to school to do this with my life. It's whats expected of me as a second year in the program. I want to protect my home and the people I care about. But do I back down because she asks me to?"

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"Nah," Dani said honestly. "My ma asked me not to sign up too," she shrugged. "It aint selfish cause it's the right thing to do. We wanna protect our home and the people we love, we should be able to and the school is letting us have the opportunity," she reasoned.

"It y'all were to back down, even just this one time, it's not bein' true to you. You're gonna do this with your life so she's gotta get used to it. I know she's a nervous lil' thing, but she's gonna have to deal with the fact that you aint one to sit around when your home's in danger," she leaned back on her palms, and looked at the older girl thoughtfully.

"I'm worried, but... I'd be more worried if I didn' know there were more people like us out there fightin' it."

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Snacks and beverages

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He still couldn't wrap his head around everything. Professor Gray was dead, gone and dead and she would never stand at the front of his favorite class again. She would never lecture them, she would never snap at him for zoning out, she would never smack the back of his head when he was goofing around, she was gone, just gone. His stomach hurt, he felt like he was choking back on something. Even at the reception he just couldn't pull himself out of his funk. Everything felt different, it felt more real.

Apple felt suffocated even as he unzippered his hoodies. They had lowered his mentor and his teacher into the ground only a little while before and he felt like maybe a piece of the school had been trapped under the soil with her. Taking a cup of cider with him, he slunk out the back door of the hall and leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths of the chilly mountain air.

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Orientation with Lisi and Hough had quickly turned into overload with Hough in the last few days. Tatum had always thought of Shenandoah as the toughest house, usually the meanest bullies came from there although Roanoke was a contender as well, but the whole tragedy had seemingly broken them. She had never seen so many crying girls, and some boys, in one twenty-four hour period. By the time that she went back to her dorm on the evening of the announcement of Professor Gray's death, she was exhausted and overwhelmed.

People, in her opinion, didn't take enough advantage of having a counselor on staff. It hadn't been busy like this from the start. There were regulars and some drop-ins, but it wasn't like there was a line going to the counselor's door. Before the tragedy, Doctor Lisi had been teaching her a few things in the afternoons, and then usually she would have coffee quietly in miss Hough's office in the evening, sorting out her files and things. She was awkward around actual people, and although she was allowed to help with some cases, she tried to avoid it. What if she said or did something wrong?

With all of the upset Shenandoah kids, plus kids from every other house who missed their professor too or were just plain worried about a murderer being on the loose, it was becoming harder and harder to keep her hands out of things. She had given more awkward little waiting room heart-to-hearts in the last day than she ever thought possible. Everytime she talked to someone, a patient she'd remind herself in an attempt to boost her confidence, she'd feel like she was going to die the whole time they spoke. But when the conversation ended, and she wasn't dead and the other person felt better, she would remember why she wanted to do this for a living. It wasn't like she hadn't lost someone before, was still losing people, and the least she could do was offer some comforting insight. It would get better, with time, and the aurors had everything under control.. well, probably.

She was anxious about the funeral, even more anxious because she wasn't on the best terms with Mack right then. She wouldn't give in; she didn't want the blonde on watch duty, or any kind of duty. She had overheard some of the staff talking, listened in more than she probably should have, and whoever had done this to professor Gray.. well, it was no amateur. And they certainly hadn't held back in any of their violence. That made the horror movie buff in her tremble a little, her brain already dreaming up masked serial killers and psychos lurking around campus. They were on the loose, whoever it was, and why ever they had done it. There was no way she was letting Mack go out there, not even if Hunter was going too. She had just as little business going out there, with a kid on the way.

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But something told her that Michi was more adjusted to Hunter's impulsive whims than she was yet to Mack's. She had more practice wrangling the two blondes into submission, verbally and otherwise. So far, Tatum's attempts at trying to talk sense into the older girl had only caused a hasty fight and harsh words that neither of them should have said. But it was too dangerous, and the redhead didn't want to back down on it, couldn't imagine Mack getting hurt like Professor Gray was, or worse, killed like her. It was no way to go. Not that Tatum wanted the blonde to go in any way at all but.. whoever was out there wasn't playing nice.

And so she had seen Mack at the funeral with Hunter and Michi, seated somewhere in the middle, while Tatum hung back in the wings of King's Hall with Jenny Hough, just scuffing her shoes on the floor as the eulogy and speeches went on. People were crying, some rather hysterically, and it was something she was still getting used to. Normally, crying people made her feel so awkward and on the spot that it made her skin crawl, and the next step was to bail normally but she was learning that it was sort of part of the therapy occupation. If she couldn't handle sobbers, she might as well have gotten out right then.

It was a different crying though, than anything else before. When she worked with doctor Lisi, people came in crying all of the time, suffering this ailment or with that flu or a sprained whatever. Even miss Hough's office before all of this, the sniffling and crying of the occasional patient wasn't so bad. But this massive room, where almost everyone was overcome with emotion and little snippets of misery could be heard all over, all one big outcry for the same woman, it was different. It was a lot more all encompassing.

Stepping back a bit as there was a momentary lull while another staff member came up to speak and remember their colleague, Tatum told miss Hough quickly that she needed some air before ducking out of King's Hall, taking in the much less stuffy outdoor air. It was chilly, and she pulled her arms tighter around herself as she began to walk, not sure where she was going. Once she was far enough from the hall, she began digging in her jacket, searching out a lighter and a joint.

She walked for a long while, not sure where she was headed. She almost walked right up on Mack, sitting on the edge of the lake with Dani, but the sight of them made her turn her back and head the other way. She was still mad, and making a scene at a funeral was not on her to-do list, it was easier to just walk away. Finding herself back closer to King's Hall, she saw Apple come outside and she picked up her pace a little. The redhead cleared her throat gently as she stepped up beside him, leaning back on the wall as well. "Remember t-that part where I-I thought admitting I was g-gay would fix e-everything? And I t-thought I was smart e-enough to like, counsel people? I think I w-was wrong. On b-both counts."

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Apple didn't know what to say, he felt like if he did say anything he might just fall apart. He moved so he was standing in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders gently. "When was the last time you got hugged bro?" he asked, already pulling her to his chest. He squeezed her tight, closing his eyes for a moment before speaking.

"You're not stupid Tate," he reassured her. "You're a whole lot smarter than me and to be honest... it was a shit week to get settled into your internship." He reached into his pocket with one hand and riffled around for his joint. "Looks like you could use a little a this," he forced himself to grin but it just didn't feel right.

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"N-Not recently enough," she admitted, leaning against him and exhaling heavily, feeling a bit better but not much. The mood that was settling over the campus wasn't exactly productive to feeling positive or upbeat. Trying to return his weak grin, she gave a little bit of a nod. "I know, I guess.. I j-just.. I mean, I f-feel dumb, like there's no way I can do this. B-But I have to, it's like.. I'm d-doing this, and Mack w-wants to go chasing monsters, and it's just.. a lot but in the end, this is w-what we're going to do with our lives, like.. our jobs. So I guess I'm just b-being an idiot," she rambled weakly, her voice shaking a bit. It was the first chance she had really had to get it off of her chest since fighting with Mack. She had been so busy comforting everyone else, her own emotions had sort have gotten shuffled.

"Sorry," she sniffed, shaking her head and reaching up to take his joint from him. "L-Let's walk," she suggested, taking his hand loosely.

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Apple kissed her forehead sweetly and listened carefully. He was sure she had been doing most of the listening this week with her new internship and what a week it had been. He had been to see the counselor once just to talk it out but it still hadn't felt real. It still hurt. "It's damn overwhelming with the amount of people who are hurtin'," he said. "I know I would feel pretty similar if my internship suddenly got attacked with a million kids and adults all upset," he nodded. "And Mack, well... yeah, she's gonna be chasin' monsters for a living but she knows what she's doing, she's well trained and everything. Things are starting to get real because we're all old and shit," he grinned down at her. "We're growing up Tat, who'd 'a thought?"

Taking her hand, he started walking, just letting their feet lead the way. He wasn't particularly worried about getting caught smoking, he figured they all had a free pass for the day anyways all things considering. "Don't you apologize for nothing," he said gently. "You need to get it off your chest too."

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