Hermione would have liked to meet outside. It was quite sunny in the park, and the flowers were blooming beautifully. Unfortunately, she knew she was often hard to see in bright sunlight and so asked the boys to meet her in Hog's Head instead. Rosemerta's was more pleasant, but they all knew too many people there to have an uninterrupted conversation. So, she found herself hovering over a chair in the back corner of the pub, rather bright for the dark corner.
The barkeep didn't seem to think that a ghost was worth helping, so he just ignored her, figuring she'd bring business in or go away. Hermione looked expectantly at the door. She knew she hadn't really explained herself well in the owl. How could she? One couldn't write 'Hey, I think it's time to disappear. Fancy a chat?' She knew the owls she sent were vague and hoped the boys would come. The trio needed to be back together for this.
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Harry wondered into the Hog's Head looking a little flustered and out of breath. It took him a second to spot Hermione. He hollered at the barkeep before going to sit, "Glass water and a pint, mate."
"Sorry if I'm late. I was out jogging and didn't get your owl until a few minutes ago. What's up?" he said, panting a little and collapsing into a chair.
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Ron wandered in, picked up a large glass of something silvery from the bar, and sat down next to Hermione.
"Hey guys." He took a drink. He was curious, but figured that Hermione would speak up when she was ready.
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Hermione smiled weakly at them both and then looked down at the table for a long moment before speaking, "I've been doing a lot of research lately on.. I have been looking into maybe... I just think that it's time I..." This was not going well. Thinking it was one thing, talking to profressors about it was one thing, telling the boys, well. She looked at each of them in turn for a moment, taking a slightly shorter time looking at Ron, and finally spoke to the table, "I think I want to pass on, and I've been trying to find a way to do it."
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Ron sat silently for a moment, his glass halfway to his mouth, as an overload of thoughts rushed through his brain all at once.
The most overwhelming thought was that he would miss her, but what came out of his mouth was "How can I help?"
What Ron should have said was, "I'll miss you, but if this is what you want, I want you to be happy," that would have better defined the avalanche in his skull, but true to form, the abbreviated and more liable to be misinterpreted version is what actually exited his mouth. Ron took a sip from his glass, set it down on the table, and realized he needed to read less manuals for work- he was starting to think with words like "abbreviated" and "liable"- and that was weird.
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Hermione looked at Ron for a moment, trying to think like him. He didn't and couldn't mean that he wanted her gone. His offer to help shouldn't be taken as enthusiasm. Ron just spoke poorly, always had.
"Well, I was going to ask for help, actually. It might take a little while because nobody who's done it successfully really left notes and most of the rumored successes turned out be ghosts that just relocated," she said steadily, much better now that she was discussing research. "It seems like the first thing I have to do is have no unfinished business and nobody that needs me around."
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"Consider it done." Ron realized what he'd said, and promptly hit himself in the face. "I'll be right back." He left the table for loo, intent on coming up with something to say that didn't make him sound like an ass.
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Hermione watched Ron walk away with a perplexed look on his face and turned to Harry. "It always amazes me that he gives memories to Muggles. I know what he means, bur honestly, he eats more foot than food. So, er, howare you with all this?" A small voice in her head knew that Mandy (and possibly Mills) would be just dandy with her plan. She was tactful enough not to say it aloud.
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Harry felt guilty. He'd spent a lot of time in recent months feeling sorry for himself. It hadn't occurred to him that he only had to endure sixty or eighty odd years of purposeless life, during which time, if he was lucky, maybe he would find some new reason to be. But Hermione, she was around forever.
"If this is what you want, then I'll support you." He didn't bother to say that he'd miss her. He would, but with how little time he'd spent with her in recent years he felt it would sounds empty.
"You know foot-in-mouth and I have no idea about this stuff, though. You'll have to tell us what you need."
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"This is what I want. I've thought a lot about it, and I don't want to tutor fifth years and write books for all eternity. I don't want to see- I don't want to be around after you two," she admitted. "It comes to that."
For a moment she was very quiet, unsure that she should have said that to Harry. "Anyway, I'm sure I can't do it without your and Ron's help. I stayed for the trio and the trio will have send me away," she said softly, getting a tad misty but keeping her voice level. "Hopefully, it won't take terribly much of your time. I know the Order's got you busy."
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Harry snorted. "The Order's got me busy doing training exercises. I've trained these people for months. They're as ready as they can be. I've got plenty of time."
He tried not to think about the details of Hermione being gone forever or being left with no one after all her friends die.
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"I guess the first step is thinking of all the people and/or things that need me or just rely on me being around just in case. Then, systematically making sure they get over it or I get replaced by something else," she said simply, glancing to see if Ron was heading back out.
"We've not spent a lot of time together since the castle, but I've been there just in case, and I need both of you to be completely ok with that going away. You two and my parents have to not, I don't know, be comforted by my half-presence." She knew she'd have to tell Ron the same thing when he got back, but it was easier to say it to Harry. She'd never snogged Harry, and she'd never loved him like that.
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Harry started to say that he could do what she asked, but then it occurred to him that he didn't really know how. How do you just stop caring about a friend? It seemed hard. It wasn't something people normally had to do. "I'm okay with your decision, and I want to help. But I don't really know how to do that? On the personal level, that is. I mean, on the more generic level, we can start finding some sort of replacement for the other things. We can find someone smart to help with Order research, things like that."
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Ron sat back down at the table. "Sorry, Hermione. I don't mean that I want to get rid of you, or that I'm doing this to somehow make up for being an ass to you for so long. I just want you to be happy, and I'll do what I can to help make that happen." He exhaled sharply. "Now that I've surgically removed my foot from my mouth, what did I miss?"
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Hermione smiled at Ron a bit. "Thanks, Ron," sh said sincerely before giving him a brief recap, which was easier than really telling him. "Basically, you missed that I think the first step is finishing things, figuring out everything and everyone that needs me and fixing it. Er, with you two and my parents, I think we have to get you guys to no longer need or want to be comforted by my half-presence. Harry brought up the Order's research, and I've been thinking of that too. What about Michael Corner? He works at a library and he used to be in DA."
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"Well, I can go with you to your parents. I think they, like us, will need the most time to really figure out what not needing you means. I don't think I know who he is, but I'm sure he'll be fine."
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"How do you not remember Michael Corner? He was in our year." When Harry got no response of recognition from Ron, he added, "He dated Ginny. They broke up over Quidditch. And the twins make fun of her for turning him Pixie."
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"That guy!" Ron paused. "I guess none of those things make him bad for the order..?"
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"Last time I was at the Burrow, Hannah was over. She and Molly were talking about Michael and his boyfriend getting married. I can't remember his name... but, um, that's not really what we're here for. I suppose I can talk to McGonagall and see if she wants me to recruit him to fill our research void."
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"His name is Iden. He does tattoos down the road. He did Tonks' pink cub," Hermione said simply. "I think he'd work out just fine. He has to sleep, which means less hours of research but he has access, unlimited probably, to the only wizarding deposit library in Britain... As for my parents, we should get that done soon. I need some more time to figure out just how I want it phrased. I mean, they can't see me, and I don't want to hand you a script, Ron. I just need to think of how to best explain. I've been by though- by their house- they owled Flitwick when my- my sister was born last year." Hermione stopped there, knowing she hadn't told either of them about Kate. "So, I know they're doing ok, mostly."
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sister- SISTER? Merlin's period stained panties. Keep a straight face, Ron. You can do this. Straight face. "Well that's good you've been keeping up with them. Just let me know when you want to stop by."
shut up shut up shut up. keep foot firmly under the table.
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"Wow. It didn't occur to me that your parents would have another child." They wouldn't know for years whether she was magically inclined, but the thought fascinated Harry.
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"It didn't really occur to me either, but it's a good thing, really. Personally, I hope she's not a witch. It can't be easy having your daughter involved in a war that you only partially understand and can't help with at all," Hermione said thoughtfully. "Within the week, I'll figure out how to tell my parents. So, other than the Order, my parents, and you guys, can you think of anyone else I need to talk to?"
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"The Professors at Hogwarts? I had to admit it, Hermione, but I'm not really sure what you do with your time these days, besides read."
That prolly sounded bad. Ron gave up.
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"I published a book, helped your brother's find out more about twin magic, and I am tutoring most of the fifth years, Ron," Hermione said indignantly.
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"I didn't mean it like you do nothing useful with your time, but do you feel like you need to talk to your book or the fifth years about how you've decided to die again?"
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Hermione opened her mouth like she had something to say about his completely tactless remarks, but nothing came. When she did speak, she was rather quiet. "I'm not dying again. I've already died, and one can only die once. I'm just... finishing."
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"Well, whatever we call it, it does sound like we better make sure that no one at the castle still needs you for anything. Is there someone who can take over tutoring?" Harry asked.
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"Well, I'm certain we won't have everything figured out in the next few weeks, so OWLs will be done. These fifth years won't need me anymore, and I told the current fourth years who've asked that I won't have the time to do it next year. It's not really a lie, and they all seem to have accepted the fact that they'll be studying alone... Dobby does seem to enjoy being my hands and constantly pesters me for information about you, Harry. I think I could just, well, order him not to follow me around or help me anymore. Not that ordering Dobby to do anything- It sort of goes against everything- but I suppose I'll have to... The professors already know what I'm up to. Flitwick has offered to help as has McGonagall," she said systematically, as if she'd gone over it in her head several times already.
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"I suppose ordering Dobby to do other work might suffice. Is that how this works? Or do we need to actually find some way of investing his energy in something that isn't you? As I well know, just because he isn't around all the time, doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you all the time." Harry stifled a shudder. He didn't dislike Dobby, by any measure, but sometimes the elf creeped him out.
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"I could order him to be someone else's helper, but who? I'd say Moaning Myrtle, but I wouldn't wish that on poor Dobby. I imagine getting him to focus on someone else would be best. Better to over-do things than under-do them in this case," Hermione thought. Really, who needed Dobby? He was too short to help with Care of Magical Creatures and too enthusiastic to help in Herbology or Potions.
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"Or Myrtle, for that matter." Ron took another sip- frustrated with himself for saying something else tactlesss.
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"Dobby isn't the easiest to get along with," Hermione agreed. "Maybe I can get McGonagall to assign him to a very specific task which directly prevents him from helping me," she suggested, not sounding terribly confident.
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Hermione gave half a laugh, "The what's next is the hard part. See, there's lots of avenues to try. Some of the research suggest we need the body, some the anniversary of the death, some the location of the death, some the location of the burial, some the location of the ghost's center. As we can't exactly exhume me on my deathday and have the 3 of us and the body simulataneously in Italy, the Hogwarts library, and the cemtery... I mean, I'd rather not see my body at all and we can't very well side-along with it all over Europe."
Hermione sighed, "The only concrete thing I have to go on is the set up of the site. There are these enchantments we have to put up, and some runic diagrams that are suposed to be burnt into the ground. One guy said we had to have thestrals present, but I think that's superstition... I know it has to be the three of us. I know what it has to look like. I don't know where or when yet."
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"Well, I suppose it's safe to say that your next deathday is the most sensible 'when'. We should probably plan for then. That gives us..." Harry trailed off, trying to sort how long they have.
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"It's July 10th, so just over two months," she answered. "I don't suppose either of you spent any time with Runes since the castle, have you?" she asked, mostly rhetorically. The inscriptions were going to be a pain given that they didn't know runes. It as times like this that she missed hands. She could have drawn it all with a blindfold on.
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Harry looked sheepish and shook his head. "Sorry, you'll have to walk us through it."
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"That's no problem, really. I can owl you both the diagrams and we can see which of you has a steadier rune drawing hand. Of course, since it'll be written on the ground, the detail will be more difficult," she shrugged, confident that this was nearly as much of a problem as having no idea where they were supposed to do this.
She was silent for a moment and then something seemingly awful crossed her mind, judging by the face she made. "I, I've just remembered something I read a few months ago... Ron, did Millicent geact well after that card I senther over last Christmas? I mean, do you think she and I have made peace?" She gave Harry a brief but dark glance. Surely, he saw where this was going. "See, grudges may also bind a ghost to this plane. I nearly forgot about it."
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Harry let out a sigh. He definitely knew where this was going, and it worried him. He loved Mandy, but he knew better than anyone how hard it was for her to let go of certain things.
For the moment he stayed silent, thinking.
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"Don't worry about it. She doesn't have a grudge. " Ron didn't know if 'made peace' was the right way to say it either, but he didn't think the tenuous bond they shared was enough to keep Hermione here.
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"Good," Hermione said with a smile. "That just leaves- Well, I'll go through the research again and see if it's really neccessary. Anyway, it looks like what we've got is Ron taking me by my parents' house, Harry looking into Michael taking my place for the Order, and both of you giving the Runic diagrams a try. Am I missing anything?"
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"I think Harry can talk to what'zis face while Hermione and I visit her parents. If anyone if going to need time to let her go, it will be them. After that, Harry and I can work on the runes. Sound good?"
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Hermione nodded. "Yeah, it sounds like we're on track... Thank you both, really, thank you," she said with a bittersweet smile. "I'll owl you both shortly," she added with a tone of finality. No sense ruining their entire days. They had places to be.
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confusion_fall (posted by ![[info]](https://www.scribbld.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
spectralstudent)