halloweentown!!! (

halloweenish) wrote in

politico,
@ 2009-12-10 01:09:00

callaway, parker (backdated)

Callaway, never in his life, thought that he'd agree to get a puppy. Parker had convinced him to do it, he'd said that the two of them could share responsiblity. It sounded like sharing custody of a child, almost. One week Callaway would have the little black lab, and the other Parker would. They still hadn't named him, they'd only had him for one night, and at the moment Callaway was staring down at the puppy at his feet while he waited for his boyfriend to come over after a day of writing.

"What should we name you?" he asked the dog, and it simply cocked it's head to the side and peered up at him curiously. Callaway knelt down in front of the animal, his lean body looking a little awkward all scrunched together like that, and he reached out a slender finger to tap the pup on the head. "Trying to get two writers to agree on a name is like pulling teeth, you know."

Parker had been looking forward to seeing the puppy all day. When he was around the little guy, it made him feel happy, something that was kind of hard to come by. His therapist had suggested getting a pet of some sort, but Parker worried that he wouldn't be able to give enough of himself to make a very effective pet parent. What if he went into one of his dark moods? What would become of the dog?

Letting himself into Callaway's apartment, he smiled a little when he saw the man hunched over, already talking to the dog. "I don't think he's going to answer you. We'll have to wait until he's at least a year before he starts talking, right?"

Callaway lifted his gaze up to focus on Parker the moment that he heard the other man's voice, and a faint smile tugged at his lips before he got to his feet.

"I suppose," he answered, as if the puppy was actually a child. He reached out to gently grab a hold of Parker's hip, and he coaxed the younger man closer as he leaned down to press a kiss to his mouth. "How did writing go?"

He kissed him back firmly, reassuring both Callaway and himself that he was all right at this moment. He loved the way the man made him feel grounded and he was amazed how Callaway had managed to put up with. "It went all right. I'm nearly done actually--I spent most of the day reviewing. I have to rewrite a few things." He had the manuscript in his messenger bag and he packed it with him everywhere.

"Has he destroyed anything yet? I still say we should name him Zin'rokh, Destroyer of Worlds." Parker played World of Warcraft and that was a reference to one of his most favorite items.

Callaway looped his arms around Parker's smaller frame, and he just held onto him for a moment. Sometimes he felt like if he held on long enough, he'd be able to keep Parker together. The younger man's moods were difficult to deal with sometimes, but he loved Parker more than anything.

"That's good," he said softly. "Are you hungry? I made spaghetti."

Parker smirked just a little, musing over the notion that Callaway just didn't know how to untangle himself from him. The man was so lanky that it reminded him of vines, weaving in and out of him. Sometimes he thought the vines would break him apart, other times he knew they were what was holding him in one piece.

"Yeah, I could eat," he nodded and pulled away from Callaway to go investigate the kitchen. The puppy bounded after him and Parker barely noticed.

"He destroyed one of my house slippers," Callaway added, finally answering Parker's question about the puppy and if he'd destroyed anything. "I don't even know how to pronounce that name... I think we should name him Frank."

He followed after the younger man, smiling as the little black ball of fur ran after Parker. When he reached the kitchen, he got two plates down and went to check the sauce, which was simmering nicely on the oven.

"Would you like some wine?"

"Those slippers were horrible. So either the dog has very good taste to destroy one, or very bad taste to choose such a thing for his attentions. And Frank makes me think of Frankfurter, which makes me think of hot dogs, which is a horrible pun and you should be shot for alluding to it."

The smell of the sauce was nice, homey. His house would smell like that on the weekends when his dad cooked; it was a nice memory. "Wine would be good." He helped himself to it, knowing where Callaway kept it and wanting to select his own.

"Ha ha," Callaway said with a good natured smirk. He grabbed two wine glasses and set them out, deciding that whatever Parker chose, he would have as well. He got to work with dishing out two plates of spaghetti and garlic bread, too. "You didn't get to go apartment hunting today?" he asked after a moment. "Your lease is up next month, isn't it? You should probably look around sooner than later."

His hand rested on a Cabernet, but moved to a Sangiovese when apartments were mentioned. The later wine had a rough afterglow, bitter in some ways, strong. He kind of wanted to get drunk now and this was the wine he could pack away in gallons. "Um--no, I didn't. You don't have to nag me about it; it'll get done."

He set the wine bottle on the table and pursed his lips in Callaway's direction. The puppy pawed at his feet and he glanced down at him, reaching out to scritch behind his ears just for a distraction.

"All right," Callaway said easily, having picked up on Parker's tones a long time ago. And that look also told him that he'd hit a nerve, and he wasn't going to keep on hammering away at that nerve. After he'd portioned out their plates, he plucked them both up and led the way towards the living room. "When do I get to see your manuscript?" he asked as he set the plates down on the table.

Most of the time when Callaway pulled back from the nerve, Parker could handle it. He would be relieved and appreciative that his lover didn't feel the need to pull things out of him. But sometimes he was hell bent on being difficult. He was hovering around that this evening, dipping in and out of it because he had something on his mind that terrified him. Taking a big drink of the wine, he laughed a little and shrugged as he sat down. "You can buy it when it comes out," he teased. I have a meeting with McGuiness in a couple days. Maybe you should go over it tonight?"

Taking his own glass of wine from Parker, Callaway offered the younger man an amused smile. If Parker really wanted him to, he would wait until he'd have to buy it. But he knew better, he knew that the younger man was just teasing him.

"All right," he agreed, "I'd love to," he added as bent forward a little to steal a quick kiss from Parker's lips, and then moved to take a seat at the table. The puppy came over and sat down beside Parker's feet, his little tail swishing back and forth. "He wants food. I gave him a meatball earlier... It was a tiny one, puppy sized," he grinned, very amused with himself.

Parker had to laugh and he held up his fingers to imitate the meatball. "Just a wee one?" He could tell that the puppy had been a good idea and as he drank down the rest of his glass (fast for nerves) he looked down at the unnamed creature. "I'm not going to want to be away from him when he's at your place," he noted, glancing up at Callaway to see his reaction to that. It seemed innocent, but almost none of Parker's words were innocent.

"You know you can come see him whenever you want when it's my turn to have him," Callaway replied as he twirled his fork so that he could wind some spaghetti around it. He sipped at his wine as he looked down at the little puppy. "It was your idea to share him," he added with a faint smile.

"I couldn't take care of him on my own," he said with a sigh. "I just--with the apartment I've been thinking it would be easier if I just moved in here." He kind of blurted it out, knowing that this was not going to be Callaway's favorite topic of discussion.

Callaway had considered that as well, but he and Parker sometimes got into it so badly that he couldn't help but worry that it wasn't the greatest of ideas. Not yet, anyway. It felt too soon.

"I don't know, Parker," he said quietly after a moment as he wet his lips and lifted his attention from the puppy to look at his boyfriend. "Do you think that's a good idea? It's only been six months, and sometimes we don't exactly... get along very well. I think it's good that you have your space, and I have mine."

Parker was staring at him hard now, feeling far too vulnerable for his own good. He knew it had been a stupid idea, but now he was in it and he was going to dig his heels in. "Six months is a long time," he countered. "I knew this would happen. You just like me to have my own place when I get too difficult to handle. You knew that going into this. I never promised I could be sane for you, but you let me get invested anyway."

Callaway frowned, and he furrowed his brow. He felt as if he'd been slapped in the face, but Parker was rather good at making him feel that way just with words.

"That's not true, that's not what I meant at all," Callaway replied as he set his wine glass down. "I just don't think we're ready for that yet."

"And when will that be?" he asked in a tone that said he didn't really expect and answer, it was mostly just a challenge. "What's going to change in 6 more months? A year? Five?" What would it matter by then, Parker kept telling himself; Callaway would be tired of him.

"When it feels right, that's when," Callaway replied almost sternly before he moved to get up. "I really don't want to talk about this right now. You're just going to get upset, and I don't want to fight with you tonight, Parker. Can't you just... realize that I'm being sensible, for once?" he asked as he went over to open up Parker's messanger bag so that he could get out the boy's manuscript. "Lets just enjoy our dinner, and let me look this over like you wanted me to."

"I hate it when you say that: I don't want to fight with you tonight." He mimicked him almost perfectly, though unfavorably of course. "That's the stupidest thing someone could say--like there's a night you'd just love to fight with me." He poured himself another glass of wine and sat with it, the glass pressed to his lips as he fumed, getting angrier by the second. He felt rejected. "It felt right to me." He said quietly.

Putting the manuscript down, Callaway let out a heavy sigh, and he turned around to look at the younger man. Callaway was a man of logic, a man of reason, and it frustrated him to no end that Parker's emotions could be so volatile.

"That's just it, Parker. It's not just about you, it's about us. You can't just decide you want something and get it, I'm sorry, relationships don't work that way. I'm not saying that we won't ever live together, I'm not saying that I don't love you or want to be with you. I'm only saying that I think we're not ready, which obviously we're not if we both can't agree on it."

The puppy started to whine, sensing the rising emotion in the room. Parker looked at it like it was an alien, like he couldn't care less about it for a moment before his face softened and there was a flare of pained guilt. He got down on the floor with the dog, kissing the top of its head. "It just means I love you more maybe. Or I need you more than you need me, and no one wants to be with someone so pathetic." He ruffled his hand over the dog's ears before he got up. "Or you just like your freedom. Fine, I get it. But do you know how much of an asshole you've made me look?" He went into the living rom to grab his coat to leave.

Callaway watched him as he got down onto the floor with the little puppy, and a part of him hoped that the little creature would assuage Parker's mood and that the urge to fight would magically dissipate from the younger man. But no such luck.

"Parker," he said, his tone a little sharper than he'd like, and he followed after him. "That's not fair. I never said anything like that, why do you always have to put words into my mouth?"

"Because you're too fucking afraid to say them," he shot back. Parker was always so sure that the good thing he'd found in Callaway was just a figment of his imagination. He was so upset that he couldn't just backpeddal into calmness, no matter how much he wanted to push his way into Callaway's arms and apologize. Shrugging into his jacket, he waved the dog off when it started to tug at his pant leg and headed for the door. "I can't be here right now."

"Parker, goddamnit," Callaway said in frustration, and he tried to reach out so that he could grab a hold of the other man by the arm. "Stop it. You know that I don't think things like that, just... don't go, all right? Please?" It was useless, he knew, but he couldn't help it. These fights always meant he wouldn't see Parker for days, maybe even a week.

"Don't," he said sharply and jerked his arm out of Callaway's reach. "You can't want me to stay now. What are we going to do? Fuck? Do you want me to stay so we can fuck? That'll fix everything." Because they sure as hell couldn't talk. "I'm leaving."

"Why can't you just stay and we can talk about this, without you getting so upset and fabricating things that aren't even true," Callaway shot back, starting to get angry himself. "It's like you enjoy being difficult, Parker."

"Oh right, I enjoy being like this." He pushed his hands through his hair, feeling out of control. All the synapses in his brain were firing, pushing him to irrational thought, making him anxious. His feet wanted to run as far and as fast as they could and never look back. "Just--just leave me alone, all right? I'm going." And he had no intention of coming back for awhile. As he slammed the door behind him and found himself alone outside he felt an overwhelming clenching in his chest before he found the composure to take off.

"Parker - wait, come on - " Callaway said as he started after the younger man, but once Parker had slammed the door he sighed in defeat. A part of him wanted to go after his boyfriend, but he knew that Parker needed time to cool off. Going after him would do no good, they'd only fight more, and Parker would get even more aggitated. He looked down at the unnamed puppy and then bent down to scoop him up, scratching behind his ears. "Don't worry, he'll be back," he assured the little creature as it whined. And he really believed it.

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