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The Boy Who Lived ([info]hjpotter) wrote in [info]riddikulus,
@ 2008-03-19 12:45:00


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Who: Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley
When: Two in the morning. Or 1:57am, if you must be a stickler.
Where: Starts in the Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory, then the Common Room - and then we'll see.
What: Harry has another nightmare - and it's time for it all to end.
Status: Complete!
Rating: PG-13 for language and violent imagery



The fighter on the left killed Hermione without effort, it seemed, hitting her in her stomach with that green jet of light. Hermione's eyes rolled up towards Harry and then she stiffened, pitching back, her hair swirling in front of her face like snow. She was dead before she hit the ground.

Harry felt his breath choke in his throat. Ron was already dead - and Neville - and he had heard Luna screaming before they entered the great hall. And McGonagall had been crushed by falling rock, and Snape had been killed by the Dark Lord himself, and how many people were left, how many were left? He searched desperately around the room, over the bodies of Lupin and Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebot, Mad Eye, Molly Weasley - heaps of the fallen, and yet Harry still raised his hands above his head and shouted out the hex that Snape had taught him, how to create a shockwave that would knock the people around him off of their feet. The corners of his vision were beginning to blur as he heard another scream - Oliver Wood now. He turned to the left, and his wand slipped down his hand as he stared at Ginny, cornered by two Death Eaters. He tried to scream out to her as the larger of her attackers screamed out
Sectumsempra, and her body ripped open with slices - before he could blink, the other grabbed her by the hair and threw her towards Fenir Greyback. Harry lurched forward, but in his path was Him, the Dark Lord, this dark cloud of a thing that lurked before him like a solid structure, all awe and power making the otherwise wiry frame seem massive.

"Everyone is gone," the man hissed to Harry, and he could see the red slits of the Lord's eyes gleam at him. Harry swallowed, trying to move that brick of concrete that was lodged in his throat, tried to scream back, as the Dark Lord let his hood slip from his head, and Harry stared at himself, this Dark Lord version of himself that looked around at the carnage and looked satiated before staring back at Harry and opening its mouth wide to give the boy a Dementor's Kiss -


Harry leapt up out of his nightmare with a vicious scream that seemed to rattle the windows with its terror. His hands covered his face, and he felt himself breathe against his skin, real breathing. Alive. Just a nightmare. He clutched at his throat, swallowing a few times and then his face, the face that he had seen be so evil, and wiped away the sweat. He could hear stirring in the beds around him and knew, he knew that even the silencing charms couldn't muffle that, so he grabbed his wand and the Marauder's Map and hurried out of bed. When Dean called out, asking if Harry was alright, he called back a hasty yes, and ran to the stairs.

Once he reached the Common Room, he started towards the girls' stairs before remembering that he couldn't. Maybe with his invisibility cloak he could? No, he didn't want to risk it. Instead, he raised his wand and conjured his patronus, enchanting it with a message and sending it up towards the sixth year girls' dormitory. This has to work. I have to make sure she's -


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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-19 06:28 pm UTC (link)
Ginny couldn't sleep. She had been sitting up, petting Arnold and reading Magical Me. Yes, Gilderoy was a ponce who left her for dead...but it was such a good book! It was like comfort food, this book, like a butterbeer and a plate of mashed potatoes followed by a large slice of cake. These past few days had been impossible--telling everything to McGonagall, Harry's fury, that slag Morag and the rest of her buddies jumping in.

Something in Ginny had changed, though. All of her fight was directed at Harry--that was what was important, getting him help. But it was more than that. She had fought Death Eaters and been in several battles; she had almost lost her brother and her father; she had almost been killed herself...and possessed to boot. Petty school dramas? How did that compare to death? To war? To Voldemort? It sucked. it sucked, and she loathed the mini-Death Eaters that littered this school, but...perspective had descended on Ginny like a weight, dragging her temper down.

It still hurt so bad, though.

So she read her book and snuggled with Arnold, petting the puff absently, trying not to think about Harry and not doing very well at it. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she saw something bright; she gasped as she saw Harry's patronus gallop into the room, the stag as bright as sunshine.

"Wake up, Ginny, come to the Common Room," it said in Harry's voice, and Ginny's eyes widened. Without bothering to change from the boxer shorts and tank top she was wearing, she threw the book onto her bed, grabbed her wand, and ran along with the patronus back downstairs.

"Harry!" she cried, jumping off of the stairs and rushing to him, grabbing his forearms and holding them tight. "What's wrong?"

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-19 06:52 pm UTC (link)
He desperately embraced her, running his hands over her to feel every inch and make sure that it was all real, unharmed, here. Pulling back, Harry threaded his hands in and out of her hair, looking at her in a pleading, pained way. "I had a nightmare," he admitted, and his face broke like glass, and he began to cry. "I had a nightmare, and I was Voldemort, and everyone was dead, and you - Ginny, it was so - "

He folded down onto her shoulder, clutching hard to her. "Why won't they stop?"

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-19 07:02 pm UTC (link)
Ginny thought her heart was broken before, but there, watching Harry's face and then holding him, she knew: this was heartbreak, true heartbreak, when you had to witness the pain of someone you loved and were truly helpless to fix it. She simply held him, stroking his back and hushing into his ear for what seemed like an hour but was probably just a few minutes.

She kissed his damp cheek and shifted to begin leading him to the couch nearest the fire. She waited until they were sitting, and then she took his hands. "Harry. They won't stop until you start dealing with what is causing them." She held tight to him.

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-19 07:07 pm UTC (link)
Her skin was like a salve; he pressed himself back against her and drank in the solidness, the sureness. Mumbling against her, he finally said what had been haunting him for months: "I'll let Dumbledore down," he whispered. "Dumbledore, he put it on me. He thought I was so strong - I was the Master of Death, I could be strong enough to be that - I was strong enough to do it on my own. If I - need help - then I'm letting Dumbledore down. All of his faith in me."

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-19 07:17 pm UTC (link)
Without even thinking, Ginny's eyes filled with tears. Dumbledore. She knew he fit in this isolation of Harry's, she just wasn't sure how. She knew about what happened in the cave, she knew about how he had entrusted Harry alone with the secret of the Horcruxes, not telling McGonagall or Snape, she knew that Dumbledore gave Harry all of that knowledge of Tom Riddle. Harry had to be tempered by Hermione and Ron to get through that pig-headed obsessive side, but it seemed like he had learned the lesson Dumbledore taught him...and done it alone. Dumbledore had taught Harry to do things alone, then.

And Ginny felt a wave of resentment rear up against the Headmaster.

She forced it back. "Love...if Dumbledore were alive, I know, I know that he would not want you to do this alone. He would be talking to you, he would be helping you through this. He would never mean for you to suffer like this and especially on your own," she said quietly, stroking down his face with the backs of her fingers. She was angry at Dumbledore...but she did mean every word. She knew he would have helped Harry, he wouldn't have wanted this...

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-19 07:22 pm UTC (link)
Harry shook his head. "But he knew I was strong enough to hold all of the Deathly Hallows! I should be - they are just nightmares, either I can make them go away or I can be strong enough to live with them, how can the Master of Death, how can this Great Saviour, be so - weak?" he said, the words clenched tight against his tears. I'm pathetic.

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-19 07:33 pm UTC (link)
Ginny continued to hold him, rubbing his back. "Harry? Willing something doesn't make it better. If you had a broken leg, you can't just will it better...and you can't walk on it and ignore the pain for long, because it will crumble altogether or cause an infection and kill you. It's not your fault that you have a...mental broken leg. Everybody who fought in the war had problems after...and I know that Katie Bell had a very hard time after," Ginny confided. "She had to see a Healer. And Angelina went to one for a bit, too. Tonks says that Aurors, after battles, have to speak to someone...Harry, it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human, and you always said, what made you able to defeat Riddle was that you were human, with compassion and love and forgiveness and mercy and all of that. You're human, and that's your greatest power."

She paused, shaking her head. "And it's also your ability to love. And right now, your love for Dumbledore is working against you, baby. It blinding you to the fact that it is time to treat your injury...it's time."

She stared at him, cradling his face. "Wait...The Master of Death?" she repeated incredulously.

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-19 07:51 pm UTC (link)
Harry swallowed, staying against her. He twisted a bit of her hair around his finger; it smelled like gardens in their first bloom. There was no place better in the world than right next to her, and what had he done. Shoved her away, struck out at her as hard as he could with his words. But this was where he belonged.

Hermione and Neville, hadn't they been saying the same thing. And McGonagall. And the owls he had received from Lupin and Shacklebot and Moody, that this happened after wars, after battles. He struggled against this need to stay loyal to what he thought Dumbledore would want, but - it would drive him away from all of these people that he loved and admired, that were his family of sorts -

Harry finally nodded. "Okay," he murmured, holding her tighter and staying with her for a moment, quiet and breathing through the sudden fear that clutched at him. It was a cliche, that asking for help was the hardest thing to do. But maybe it was a cliche for a reason - because it was so true.

He drew back as well and looked at her. "Yeah. That's what - Dumbledore said I was," he admitted in an embarrassed mumble.

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-23 02:27 am UTC (link)
Ginny stared at him, perplexed, her face dark with worry. "What does that mean? Because--you died, or--what?"

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-23 03:57 am UTC (link)
Harry sighed. He linked and unlinked his fingers from hers, his eyes moving from her face down to their hands, but his eyes stopped on the shine of the necklace he gave her back on Halloween. It pulsed with the starlight, like a heartbeat, and he stared at it. She hadn't taken it off since he gave it to her; she even hexed it into place during Quidditch so it wouldn't fall off or get ripped off, the way he secured his glasses. She hadn't even taken it off since their fight: it was there, winking at him, as he sat down the table at meals, as he walked through the common room with his head down. It was there, constant, like the North Star, guiding him.

He stared at that and said, "Do you remember the tales of Beetle the Bard? The story about the three brothers who have a run in with death?"

When Ginny nodded, Harry took in a breath and tore himself away from staring at the necklace, looking into her eyes. "Ginny. That story - it's true," he said quietly, and slowly, he told her the whole story, starting with Dumbledore's will and finishing with returning the elder wand to Dumbledore's tomb personally, as McGonagall sealed the structure again, leaving the man in peace.

He even told her about seeing Dumbledore and that - thing that was Tom Riddle's soul in the otherwordly King's Cross. Seeing his parents and Sirius and Lupin once more. Not even Hermione and Ron knew that part. They didn't know he used that third Hallow, nor did they know what happened between getting hit with Voldemort's killing curse and regaining consciousness. Only he knew - and now she knew, which he haltingly told her in a whisper.

He looked back up at her and sighed, clutching her hand tight. "So, I'm the Master of Death. If only Rita Skeeter knew that part."

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-23 04:05 am UTC (link)
"Oh, she'd probably pop a blood vessel in excitement," Ginny said dryly. She shook her head and stared at him. "You haven't told anyone? Harry..." No wonder he was so fragile, who could go through that and be okay, be perfectly okay? He had gone into those woods to die...he...

Ginny leaned forward and kissed him, and when she drew back, his cheeks were wet from tears. Hers, she realized, touching her own face. She wiped his cheeks and began to cry in earnest, struggling against her tears. "Harry, Harry, I'm so sorry..."

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-23 04:11 am UTC (link)
"Ginny," Harry said desperately, pressing her hands against his chest. "Don't be sorry, it's just - that was just how it was, it's okay." Please, don't cry. Please don't cry. "This was what I was supposed to do."

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-23 04:20 am UTC (link)
She threw her arms around him, holding him tight as she cried against him. "But you were just a kid, Harry, you shouldn't have had to carry this...do it all alone...try to make it all better...Harry..." She ran a hand up through his hair and kissed his neck. "Harry, just because it had to be that way doesn't mean it was okay. And it's over now. It's over...and it doesn't have to be that way anymore."

Ginny had never been so relieved that she had gone to McGonagall.

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-24 02:43 am UTC (link)
"Please, don't cry," Harry begged, stroking his hand through her long hair and down her back, feeling each knot of her spine, counting every bone. Sometimes, he could fool himself into thinking his girlfriend was so much stronger than anyone else in this school. Battle-hardened by her brothers, she rarely cried; she had temper that allowed her to strike just as hard with her words as she did with her wand - but she could shut down and ignore even people like Morag, like Pansy. Like him.

But here she was, sobbing in his arms, slipping down into a place that he had never seen her, because of him. She loved him so hard, it could chip away at the tough veneer of Ginevra.

Harry tucked his face against her shoulder, in the soft place where it met her neck. "I'm getting help, angel, this is why I'm getting help," he whispered, struggling hard against the tears welling in his eyes. "I promise." Even if I think - no. I have to. I have to. Because it's not just me anymore, it's us. You share my secrets, you share my pain. And I won't let you carry this too.

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-24 02:56 am UTC (link)
Ginny gulped back a sob, holding him so close to her that she could feel his heart beat against hers. She sniffled, reluctantly pulling back to look him in the eye. "Harry...you might be the Master of Death, but--you deserve a life." She took his hand again and gave it a squeeze, wiping her eyes with the inside of her wrist and giving him a solid smile. "And I'll be here, I won't leave. I promise. It's you and me together. You can even yell at me, when it's so hard to work through--just, hex it private, okay?" she added, her grin growing rueful as she gave his hand another squeeze.

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-24 03:00 am UTC (link)
Harry's breath leapt back in his throat, that familiar choking feeling from his nightmare. His head shook back and forth so hard, Ginny's face nearly blurring from the force of it. "No, Gin, no, don't - I - I don't deserve you, after what I did," he protested, each word dipped in a tar of guilt. Morag called you a whore. And all of those people laughed at you, keep laughing at you. And it was because of me, because I let my anger swallow me. It's like a Dementor's Kiss, how it just - takes over all of me. "I'm so sorry."

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-24 03:05 am UTC (link)
Ginny pried her hands free and held his face. Yes, she was hurting. Yes, she was angry at him for being so careless with his fury.

But how could she punish Harry when he had been punishing himself for months? When she knew that him asking for help and now working through all of his problems would be harder than any teasing she had to bear from the wankers at Hogwarts?

She couldn't. How could you look at this boy--a boy still--and want to hurt him more?

She held to his face and leaned in, whispering out a shhh with a tiny smile. "It's okay. I know."

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-24 03:09 am UTC (link)
"I'm sorry," he said again, sliding off of the couch and taking her hands again. He knelt there and buried his head in her lap. "I'm so sorry, Ginny, I'm so sorry. I'll never hurt you again, I promise, I swear, I love you, I'm sorry - "

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-24 03:23 am UTC (link)
Ginny's breath pulled back in a muted cry. She pushed down to sit with him on the cold rug that was in front of the fire, holding his hands, too. "I know," she repeated in a hush. "But Harry--don't you ever get on your knees to me unless you're holding a ring. Groveling is bloody well and good, and I have to admit that I do kind of fancy it," she teased.

But her smile turned serious as she gently tugged his hands to rest against her heart. "But don't ever get on your knees. Because I'll follow. If you lay down, I will, too. I will follow you down," she said, hoping that he understood what she was really trying to tell him.

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-24 03:33 am UTC (link)
He did, recalling what she had told him once before. That you are my safe place. But I won't take advantage of your strength. I won't.

Please, tell me that I'm not letting Dumbledore down -


Harry swallowed. "Can you stay with me tonight?" he asked roughly, looking at her from the bottom of his eyes and suddenly looking older than his seventeen years - tired, scared, a leather toughness of experiences that had scarred him framing his eyes. Weary. He looked weary, like it had all caught up with him in that moment, in the moment before asking her to stay, when he realized that if she left him now, he'd have so many hours to face before he could go to McGonagall. Hours where he could stare at his invisibility cloak--one of the deathly hallows--and think about the Headmaster and that man's faith in Harry's strength and maturity. Let it pull him back down into denial.

And have to have another moment where clarity was slammed back into him like a locomotive, have to see Ginny cry again.

"Please stay," he said again. He sighed. "I know you have an exam in the morning - but - I'm scared," he admitted, his voice softer than the crackle of the fire.

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[info]ginnyweasley
2008-03-24 03:39 am UTC (link)
Ginny felt the threat of tears again, but she swallowed it back, her eyes simply bright. "Of course," she told him, kissing him briefly. She looked at the Marauder's Map and knew what he had to do. She pointed her wand to her dorm room and firmly called out Accio jeans to summon some trousers to wear with her tank; parading around Hogwarts in Harry's boxers wasn't too dignified.

When her pants came flying to her, she shimmied out them on and gave him a firm nod. "Let's go take a walk, make sure everyone's safe," Ginny said, offering Harry her hand. "And then we'll just come back here and talk. Or not talk, until McGonagall arrives at her office." Which, she figured, had to be around seven in the morning. Maybe four and a half hours from now?

He could make it. They could make it.

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[info]hjpotter
2008-03-24 03:43 am UTC (link)
Harry took her hand, closing his eyes and exhaling for a moment. Thank you. For knowing that I need to go around the castle. I have to be sure. I won't be able to go on until I'm sure. From here to the Astronomy Tower and back. Thank you for understanding.

For a moment, he paused, looking up at her from his kneel, her left hand in his, and took a mental picture, knowing that when he proposed, he would have such a sense of deja vu, and he wanted to be able to remember that this was where it was from, the night that Harry saw the shape of his demons - and saw they were the shape of himself.

And that Ginny had held his hand.

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