His breath continued to hitch as she grew near, and some ridiculous voice in his head told him that he wasn't allowed to look at her. There were too many things that had gone wrong because he looked at her. He had always been looking at Mary, he'd always thought about Mary, and the only reason he'd ever been bold enough to make a move was because she was already lying in his bed.
"I--" He couldn't tell her, he could barely understand it himself. He should be furious that his family wasn't willing to acknowledge his son, because of his lineage, but at the same time he was completely devastated by the fact. Gabriel couldn't understand it, he absolutely had no idea how to describe it, just that---
He couldn't decide, he couldn't decide if Mary had ruined his life or saved it.
In something of a panic, Gabriel's hands rose quickly to grab onto the side of her face, and he kissed her hard--almost as if to reassure himself that he was going to be able to survive this entire situation. He didn't know where they were going, all he knew was that he was going to have a son and be there for his son no matter--what. And he'd fight with his family until they understood that, but--
Gabriel pulled away quickly, realizing he hadn't kissed her since the morning they conceived their child. He didn't know what to do, now especially, and he dropped down into the chair behind him, just barely making it and not tumbling to the floor. He needed a nap, he needed to sleep, he needed to wake up and not find anything wrong with his life at all.
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