Cael Gray (winsome_wizard) wrote in valesco,
@ 2011-09-05 23:57:00

Entry tags:

Cecilia
Cael wasn’t used to having anyone be at his house after a day of work, but for the last day or two, his dog hadn’t been the only female he had seen when he arrived home. He woke up in the mornings and wouldn’t even get to see Cecilia, seeing how she was usually still sleeping when he was out the door at 7 am. He would be gone all day, and would come home completely shot, just to help unpack some more of his new house guest’s things.

Tonight would be the first night she would officially be settled in, though as he walked through the door, he didn’t think about that – he was still getting used to having her there, so when he stepped into the house, he momentarily forgot that there was someone else inside as he tossed his briefcase onto the chair, and then pretty much collapsed onto the couch. He would stare up at the ceiling, eventually letting out a long breath before he closed his eyes, lifting his hands to rub at his face.

He heard the sound of skidding claws along the smooth wood floors, right before a familiar ‘thud’ let him know that his dog had just slid into the wall again. It was only a matter of time before he felt her cold, wet nose against his arm, nudging it so that he would pay her some attention.

“Alright, Karma, alright…”

He absently scratched her behind the ears, but found that Karma’s attention was captured by something else. She would turn away from him completely, making Cael sit up a bit on the couch to try and figure out what it was that had peaked her interest. That was when his eyes fell on Cecilia – his new roommate, and his….well, he wasn’t sure what else she was. Even still, he wasn’t allowed to talk about her to anyone, so it was hard to put a name to what it was they were.

“Hey.”

He swung his legs over the couch, though he remained hunched forward, watching how the dog still sniffed at her and canted her head as though saying ‘who the hell are you?’, not quite sure what to make of this new woman.

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cecilias
2011-09-06 02:57 am UTC (link)

Cecilia, too, could not say that she was exactly used to the idea of living with anyone. Ever since she had graduated from Hogwarts she had been all on her own, doing what she wanted, not having to care what anyone thought, because there was no one---well, except the house elf, but that hardly counted--and... She had liked that. For a girl who hated the idea of having no friends, she was also a girl who had (and had had) a lot of problems in her life. Problems that were much easier to cover up when there wasn't someone constantly around, under the same roof, able to see every inch of her business as it unfolded.

It was especially strange, then, to jump right in to living not just with someone, but with a---boyfriend? No, that wasn't it. He had said himself that he didn't know what they were to each other, and she wasn't certain that she wanted to call him such, because that would make this so very real---

What was it, then? Male friend whom she happened to be shagging and at least mildly found herself caring for? That seemed very long, and very inappropriate, given that for the past week she had almost felt like an upright housewife in this situation.

Although far from being her strong suit, Cecilia had found herself most mornings waking up and doing her best to take care of some of the smaller chores. Never in her life had she used a cleaning spell, and never could she say she had tried to prepare food more than she had in the past week, and the fact that she was doing it for him, then waiting for him to come home, then just hoping she hadn't royally fucked something up felt very domestic. It was a disgusting feeling, if she had to be entirely honest about it, but she felt annoyingly guilty about this entire thing, and she knew that moving in her house elf would probably not go over well at all... what could she have done?

She certainly wasn't getting a job, after all.

Watching him cautiously from the entrance to the kitchen, Cecilia crossed her arms over her chest and attempted to ignore the animal accosting her. That stupid mutt had been all over her since she had moved in, as if she were some kind of criminal needing to be sniffed out, and she hadn't appreciated it in the least. "I tried dinner again, if you're interested," she told him over the clinking of the excited dog's tags. She attempted to hide her lack of sureness as best she could. "I didn't give up this time and order out."

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winsome_wizard
2011-09-06 03:26 am UTC (link)

He whistled to Karma so that she would trot back over to sit on the floor beside him, leaning into his legs as he started to pet her. The dog usually had a good sense about people, and was incredibly friendly to those she didn’t find a threat. Cecilia was someone she didn’t seem too sure about, but she hadn’t snubbed her or growled at her, which in a very strange way made Cael feel better about the decision to let her stay there. He was certain that, over time, the dog would warm up to her and grow to be as fond of her as he was.

For the moment though, she was the person who stole all of her master’s attention from her. The pup was jealous.

He looked towards the kitchen as she mentioned making dinner, a brow lifting before he turned back to her.

“You made dinner?”

He tried not to look too surprised, but…she had made dinner. He wasn’t expecting to come home to a home cooked meal.

“Dinner sounds great, actually. I’m starving.”

He rubbed the top of Karma’s head before rising to his feet, giving the dog a pat on her side as a signal to stand up and move into the kitchen. He watched the dog obey his wordless orders, and then turned back to Cecilia.

“You been sleeping alright?”

He was worried whether she was going to have a few restless nights, since the move from her place to his created a lot of stress for her. Hell, it created stress for the both of them…but it was all worth it, for a shot at happiness, right?

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cecilias
2011-09-06 03:47 am UTC (link)

"Don't---expect much from it," she quickly made a disclaimer, suddenly losing her false sureness at his acceptance of food. Truthfully, she had almost been hoping that he'd say no so that she wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of serving something terrible. It hadn't been difficult to cook, when it came down to it, but it was something she had never had reason to do in her life often before. Cecilia had thought it tasted alright, but there was still that uncertainty there when it came to testing it on other people. "I mean, I'm not very good at this, but I'm not sure what... else I can do."

As he passed her into the kitchen, she turned to follow him towards the table, a small spread of salad, vegetable side, and chicken dish there... something she had found in one of the cookbooks in a cupboard. It had seemed easy enough, and it looked good enough, but she was still fairly terrified it wouldn't have turned out well.

She was thankful when he asked another question, drawing her attention away from the food as she sat down in front of one plate of food. "I have been.." she paused for a split second before thinking of an appropriate end to her sentence, "...sleeping well." It wasn't entirely true, of course. It had taken her almost the entire week to sleep through the night, plagued constantly by the idea of what would happen to her if someone found out she was there. Truthfully, she still had not relaxed all the way, and it was becoming frustrating.

Best to shift the conversation from her before that came out. "Are you alright? This is not easy for you either."

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winsome_wizard
2011-09-07 07:53 pm UTC (link)

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not very hard to please. I’m sure it’s fine.” He said with a reassuring smile. He didn’t figure she was any master chef or anything, seeing how the few times he had been over her place (when she still had a place to call her own), the house elf had done all of the manual labor, like the cooking and the cleaning. Personally, he would have gone absolutely crazy if he had nothing to do all day, and didn’t have a job, and had no social circles to hang around in any more. He truly did sympathize with her struggles, but all he could do was show that he supported her efforts, and try to make this easier on both of them.

Her hesitation when it came to answering his question let him in on the fact that she wasn’t being completely genuine…though truth be told, he hadn’t been sleeping too well lately either. Most nights he was up staring at his ceiling, wondering what she was doing, or thinking about as she lay in the next room. He wanted to give her space – he wanted to have her get adjusted to his home, but he couldn’t help but want to be near her. The last thing he wanted to do was smother her though, so he was giving her some space to get her bearings, and get used to her new surroundings.

He served the both of them some food, and then took his seat at the table beside her. He started working on cutting up his chicken, looking up to her when she asked how he was handling all of this. It might have been the first time she had actually made it clear that she recognized his own side of things in this whole situation – she was giving up everything for him, and the guilt of that definitely ate away at him. He felt uncomfortable, knowing that he was practically a sin for her.

“I think it’s just going to take some getting used to, is all…”

He hoped she wouldn’t notice how he hadn’t actually answered his question, but turned his eyes down towards the chicken, distracting himself by poking around at the vegetables.

“I just don’t know what else I can, or should be doing to make this any easier on either of us. All I can do is try and outweigh the cons with the pros, and just…make the best of things.”

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cecilias
2011-09-08 04:34 am UTC (link)

Maybe the solitude he was giving her, the space and extra time, was what made it so difficult to settle in properly and be comfortable in his home. Cecilia had thought about it a couple times before, when she lay awake in bed or sat alone next to the pool during his long hours at work, wondering if her discomfort might have been solely caused by the fact that she wasn't reminded why she was doing this. They had barely touched since she had arrived, had only had very safe conversations over the unpacking of things before heading off to bed separately, and---and he said it himself, he didn't know what they were. She didn't know what they were. Maybe that was what made it all the more unnerving and difficult to overcome.

Cecilia watched Cael carefully from out of the corner of her eye as he answered, as uncertainly as she had, and suppressed a light sigh, only frowning instead. Her hands, curled around the silverware in a manner inappropriately polite for a meal at home, let down her food gently on the plate and she turned her head up to face the opposite wall. At the awkwardness of the situation, suddenly she was not quite so hungry anymore.

"This is foolish," she said, her emotions all but candid now. Because it was foolish, this sudden skirting around each other over... what? Guilt? Fear? They hadn't become close in the first place because they were tiptoeing around, and--there were still things they could not fully open up about, but the least they could do was not act like they had just met on the street.

"I feel like I've moved in with a stranger. I don't want that." Cecilia tilted her head towards him and unblinkingly demanded his attention. "--You've convinced me to come this far, so don't treat me like a china doll now."

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winsome_wizard
2011-09-08 05:21 am UTC (link)

Cael had been about to take his first bite of chicken, his fork-speared food already caught between his teeth as she stated her opinion. He would pull the food off the prongs, and would chew as he lowered the fork down to rest beside his plate, bringing his napkin up to wipe at his mouth, trying to chew and swallow so his mouth would be clear of the dinner she had made. He took a sip of water from the goblet that was placed before him.

“I don’t want that, either…”

He turned to look at her, giving her the attention she so clearly wanted from him.

“I haven’t been treating you like a ‘china doll’ because I’m afraid you’ll break. I’m just…” He sighed, though his eyes didn’t leave hers. His words were earnest and sincere.

“I’m just afraid of losing you. I’ve been trying not to give you any more reasons to leave, but instead I’ve just been giving you less reasons to stay…and for that, I’m sorry.”

He gnawed thoughtfully at his lower lip, and then let out a breath, looking down at his plate.

“I’d like to talk about this more, later…but can we just try to get through dinner first?”

He turned his eyes back to meet hers – he was tired from work, and he was starving, and he just wanted to get through a nice meal before delving into such a conversation. He didn't have it in him at the moment.

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cecilias
2011-09-08 06:05 am UTC (link)

...

She had agreed, but not entirely happily. Cecilia sat picking at her food--although it wasn't appalling, as she'd come to expect--with disinterest, the knot in the pit of her stomach prevailing over actual desire for the food.

It was a knot like she hadn't experienced in a very long time, and one she didn't miss at all. It was what came from saying what you felt, what you wanted to say to someone and not knowing what was going to come of it. Now was nothing like it had been back then, of course. When Cecilia thought about it, why should asking someone to be close even come near to amounting to some of the things she'd asked of a much colder man years ago? Why did this one now terrify her, make her nervous? Maybe it had been too long, since she had allowed herself to be open with another person. It would hardly have been surprising to come upon the idea that when it came to relationships she was never going to be the willful, sometimes pushy girl offering up her heart on her sleeve as she'd once been.

Yes, that girl was most certainly locked up and buried under too many layers of iron-clad self-defense. Ironically, she thought for a moment about how she'd become herself the same exact thing about Evan that had frustrated her the most. She was guarded, quiet, and rarely spoke her mind.

Until now.

As she carefully flicked her wand around the kitchen, she couldn't even find it in herself to be pleased with the fact that she hadn't managed to blow up the dishes she was trying to clean. All she could think about was what was going to happen after this.

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winsome_wizard
2011-09-08 06:34 am UTC (link)

Cael barely even touched his own food, but he kept placing more of it into his mouth to chew it and swallow it down, even after it started to feel like a chore. It was more like he was forcing himself to complete his meal, delaying the inevitable, even though he wasn’t quite sure what that was.

Once his plate was empty, he helped her clear, his back leaning against the island in the middle of his kitchen, hands pressed against the edge as he watched her. He was situated behind her as she flicked her wand hand to make the dishes begin cleaning and drying themselves. The entire time he was standing there watching her, he was thinking of where they had been a few weeks ago – barely even talking, because of the fact that he was a halfblood, and now she was there living in his house, cooking him dinner. It was amazing really, what they had been able to get through…and he felt like an idiot, only realizing then that if he wanted to keep her, he needed to give her more reasons to stay. All he was doing by playing it safe was pushing her away.

He stepped up behind her, his arms slipping around her waist to pull her into him before she had the chance to protest. His mouth was close to her ear as he spoke.

“You’re amazing, you know that…?”

He moved to press a kiss to her shoulder. He adjusted his arms around her, wanting his hold to be a bit more secure.

“I never meant for you to feel like a stranger...but know that I never want it to happen again."

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cecilias
2011-09-08 07:33 am UTC (link)

The moment she felt his touch was like an instant surge of both butterflies and utter relief. It took everything she had in her to not drop the charm she was casting and cause all the dishes to shatter on the floor, whether from the emotions or just that his action had caught her entirely off guard.

Even as his breath tickled her ear, she did her best to hold her hand steady until she could maneuver the plates and silverware over to the solid counter top before dropping her arm, wand clattering to the tile whilst her hand suddenly became much more interested in laying atop his. Cecilia turned her head just barely towards him so that her cheek touched his temple and splayed her fingers across his with closed eyes. She noticed her breathing had picked up the tighter he held her and she wondered when had been the last time she had felt something so affectionate, so real as this gesture was.

They'd held each other before, of course. They'd spent several months being intimate and more, but that had all been strictly a game. Even as she'd begun the damning realization that she cared about him, there was still a distinct detachment in their physical contact that was difficult to describe but undeniable to either of them. This was different. This held both a feeling of freedom and affirmation about the situation, and even had he not said a word, Cecilia felt she would have understood.

"I think..." she spoke softly against his hair, "...that this is the safest I've felt about since this entire affair blew up in our faces." Her heart raced with anxiousness as she said it, like she was opening up her hand letting go of something that she wasn't certain she should give away. But... she wasn't there because she wanted to run away and go home where it was safe. As terrifying as it was, she had to give a little, just like he had to.

That in mind, she clasped his hand and turned around, reaching up to kiss him soundly before she could think better of it.

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winsome_wizard
2011-09-21 04:19 pm UTC (link)

He could feel how her muscles had immediately tensed when he caught her off guard with his spontaneous display of affection, but was more than relieved when she relaxed against him, allowing him to hold her like he had wanted to do for so long. He found himself aching to be close to her whenever they passed in the hallways, but because of the complications that went along with their living arrangements, he had always been apprehensive about acting on his impulses. He hadn’t wanted her to feel smothered, but he also didn’t want her to feel isolated…but it was so hard to find a happy medium, especially with someone who was so volatile.

He closed his eyes as she spoke, turning to bury his face in the crook of her neck, pressing another kiss to the sensitive skin there. All he wanted was for her to feel safe – it wasn’t lost on him, how much stress being with him caused her, and how incredibly risky it was for her to be living with him, but there was obviously something between them for her to be going through all of this.

There was obviously something between them for the both of them to be going through all of this – while he wasn’t being shunned by his friends and family for choosing a pureblooded witch to be in a relationship with, the truth of the matter was there were definitely people out there who would love to bleed him dry for taking away an eligible female suitor from the pureblood community. He knew there would always be wizards out there who would make it their mission to make their lives a living hell, just because they happened to fall for the ‘wrong sort’.

They were in this together. He needed to make her know that she didn’t throw her life away for nothing - for just a fling.

His hold on her loosened when she turned around to face him, his hands moving to rest on her waist as she pressed her lips to his. His eyes closed again, enhancing the kiss by deepening it, his hand reaching up to hold the side of her face, her hair folding beneath his palm as his other hand slid behind her, resting at the small of her back. He pulled back from her, just enough to breathe her in, his nose nuzzling against hers as his eyes searched hers. They were so close that his eyes practically had to cross just to see her properly, but it was worth it. He wanted to say something like ‘I’ll always keep you safe’, but at this moment, he didn’t think the words were necessary. The way he was looking at her said enough…and the way he leaned in to kiss her again spoke volumes. The arm that was holding her to him pulled her even closer to his chest, his fingers curling into the fabric of her dress as he kissed her deeply, eventually making the moves to step forward, causing her to back into the counter.

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