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When Howell held up the Cannon's contract and looked at her, Saoirse redirected her gaze and pressed her face into her knees. She had been keen to witness his reaction to the idea of her even potentially moving to Falmouth, but after that...

Had she really been considering going with Chudley? No, she supposed, not truly, but considering the larger scheme of things, it felt ill-advised to make any one decision based off of the past. What if, hypothetically speaking, going to the Cannons was the best decision she could make because they were on the cusp of a new black and orange era? It was unlikely, but the idea lone paired with twelve other what-ifs had virtually made it impossible to make any kind of a decision.

As she began to mull over and ponder what little reaction Howell had given her (was his relative reservedness something to take in stride? Write it off? How seriously was she actually thinking about barging into Howell's professional scene?), she withdrew deeper within herself. Only the faint recognition that he had addressed her again pulled Saoirse from her stupor. What was....?

"Kenmare," Saoirse sighed, having temporarily forgotten she'd been clutching the piece of parchment since she'd sat down. She squinted at it wearily for a moment, and then sighed again. "It's a good contract," she started simply, vaguely skimming over the lines that what felt like she had already read a hundred times. "But..."

Saoirse halted, and suddenly felt heavy. The words building at the tip of her tongue, the ones she had been holding in for so long, and now, she suspecting, were waiting to be delivered for Howell's ears only, made her chest and her heart feel sick. Saoirse ignored it, and pushed herself to release just a small part of what had been plaguing and circling her mind for many weeks now.

"But that wouldn't be a smart move. A better choice would be to go with United where Drystan can help support my career, or stay with the Arrows and bide my time and experience into a captainship when Thomas retires." Saoirse paused, thinking for a moment, then quietly continued. "A smart choice would be going to the Harpies to learn how to be confident, unafraid, and hone my skills."

Her face contorted now into a sad frown, and Saoirse finally flitted her gaze back to Howell. Looking at him made her chest ache. "Even the Falcons, I could justify... I could say--" she sat up a little bit straighter for her next words, "'I want to fix what's broken between us, show you that I do trust you, that you do matter' but--- Saoirse deflated, her back curling to its previous hunched position. "The Kestrels don't offer anything like that. Just Ireland." The word burned in her mouth, and because of it, she felt her face begin to heat up.