IT'S LONG. JUST---READ IT. IT'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER.
WHO: Greta Catchlove, Tilden Toots, & Daisy Hookum, with a cameo by Kirby Catchlove!
WHAT: Just a simple man with a simple dream to plant trees, and two girls vying for his love! It's DESTINY™!
WHEN: After the Hobgoblins concert, tonight!
WHERE: London!

Greta had barely slept the night before. In her opinion, the Hobgoblin concert could not arrive more quickly.

And obviously she was excited to see all her siblings and see Kirby and his crazy bandmates, and all, but KIRBY HAD PROMISED HER TILDEN TOOTS.

Now, a lot of people couldn't understand the appeal of Tilden Toots.

This made Greta think that a lot of people were idiots.

Because he was obviously very deep, sensitive, and intelligent, which manisfested itself in his broad West Country accent and fantastic gardening ability. Greta had even seen him at school when he was younger, and he was so amazing from a distance that that had to have multiplied while he had been out of school discovering himself!

"Kirby," Greta said, tugging his jacket sleeve impatiently. "The show was amazing, you know that, but you PROMISED to introduce me to somebody! Please please please please please I can't wait any longer!"

The show had been fantastic, as usual. Kirby always loved the thrill of a live show, he thrived from the audience's participation and loud cheers. Tonight, however, had been extremely important - the entire band had started with a fierce attack against Ministry and the M.A.G.I.C. Act. If there were any supporters of the M.A.G.I.C. Act in the beginning, Kirby was certain that the Hobgoblins' passionate statements against it swayed everyone. However, halfway throughout the show, he had become a bit distracted, like he always did, by a very pretty lady in the back, wrapped in a scarf and sunglasses.

Anyway.

He had just finished signing autographs for two giggly young girls when Greta approached, looking very impatient, anxious, and excited at the same time. Okay, he'll admit it. He was not a very big fan of Tilden. At all. He had gone to school with Tilden, and honest-to-Merlin, Tilden was one of the dumbest people he had ever met. Really, he didn't like saying it, but! He couldn't help feeling that way. Just as how Greta couldn't help being in love with the silly Herbologist. No matter how many times he and Frederick made fun of her, she would defend Toots to the very end.

"I know, I know!" he sighed, raising a hand in defeat. Truthfully, he had been trying to stall, but it looked like this couldn't be helped. The only reason why he had dropped Tilden's name in Stefana's journal entry last night was because he knew that if Greta had found out that he had kept silent about it all, she would murder him. Murder him.

Kirby scanned the throngs of people that were mingling about backstage. Quickly spotting a tall, dark (and he refused to say handsome) man looking lost by a water cooler, he waved rather unenthusiastically. "Toots!" he called, taking Greta by the arm and gently tugging her over. "Hey man, I heard you'd make it tonight. Care to meet my charming younger cousin Greta? She's quite the fan of your's."

Kirby would have loved to stay and see what would transpire between the two - only to laugh about with Frederick later on, but the death glare Greta was sending him made him turn tail and vanish. Besides, he figured that he sort of had a date with the very pretty lady in the scarf and sunglasses.

Tilden Toots was kind of lost, and it kind of showed on his very handsome face. He wasn't a fan of live concerts - it scared him, in fact. Everyone was always shouting and screaming, and he couldn't hear a single thing that the band played! Well he could, but they were so loud and gosh, why couldn't everyone just sit down in their seats instead of jumping up and down? That was why the seats were there, right?

The only reason he had come to this Hobtroll - no, it was Hobgoblins, right? - concert was because a fan had purchased tickets for him. She was a very sweet girl by the name of Maria, who unfortunately had been rather drunk when she met him. She wandered off with some other man, leaving him all alone. But that was okay! Look! There was his good friend from school, Kirby Catchlove (Hey, come to think of it, Kirby had been on stage! Cool!) now with... ooh, that girl was pretty!

The girl looked kind of excited and scared at the same time, which happened a lot with Tilden. It was weird, but he accepted it as part of life. He leaned against the wall and gave her a bright smile. "So you're a fan, eh? Nice to meet you, I'm Tilden!"

"Oh my god, are you really!"

The soprano voice came from behind both Tilden and Greta, its source a bubbly, diminutive blonde. Daisy was all smiles as she rushed up to the pair, and stopped just beside them, rocking a little on her heels. Oh gosh, he was gorgeous in person, wasn't he? Here she had thought that it was just his voice, but---oh for the love of Merlin, how could she had been so silly! Of course he had to have a body to match that deep, sexy voice of his! But still, the amount of perfection was staggering, especially when she was finally standing up so close.

Apparently, Daisy was completely oblivious to the fact that she had just interrupted a conversation in progress. Not like it mattered anyway, she had won a contest to see Tilden Toots and no undeserving bird was going to get in the way of that. It was just like, basic contest rules or something!

Daisy stepped in front of the other girl, a broad grin on her face, and held out her hand towards her idol. "Hi, I'm Daisy," she chirped. "It's totally an honor to meet you!"

Greta could not believe this.

Greta could NOT. EVEN. BELIEVE THIS.

DAISY HOOKUM.

DAISY HOOKUM WHO WAS A YEAR YOUNGER THAN HER HAD JUST THROWN HERSELF IN FRONT OF TILDEN AND CONVENIENTLY CUT OFF GRETA.

Kirby had PROMISED to introduce her to Tilden and, okay, he delivered.

But he did not say ANYTHING about pesky tiny blondes (tiny! and Greta knew tiny, she had been petite her whole life! What right did this girl have to come be all blonde and petite at her, anyway?) who literally threw themselves in front of her to shake hands with Til--

OH TILDEN.

NO! NO THIS WAS NOT GOOD! SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE TILDEN! It was supposed to be just her, damnit! And there he was, looking all handsome and smelled delightful and earthy and grassy, like he had spent a day rolling in the fields, and then Daisy had to flounce her way in and--what kind of a name was Daisy, anyway? What was that, a flower? Greta had character, it was foreign.

Daisy... Tilden... celebrity gardener. Greta's eyes widened with horror as she made the connection.

She raised her eyebrows, her features very, very cold and she tapped Daisy on the shoulder and forcibly wheeled her around.

"Greta Catchlove," she snapped, holding her hand out more like she wished it were a violent gesture rather than one of polite society. "We went to school together."

Daisy felt the tap on her shoulder and barely hid her glare, if only because Tilden would have been able to see it. She took a moment, batting her eyes a couple of times to herself just to get the innocence good and worked up, and turned around with a sickeningly sweet smile to the other girl.

Once again, she had to fight a grimace as she turned around. Oh, she recognized her alright, and she didn't even need the rudely clipped name to do it. Everyone in the school knew of Greta Catchlove--or at least of the Gryffindor girls of 1979--after all that ruckus they'd created in the school. It was a ruckus that Daisy totally hadn't appreciated, that stupid gossip rag of theirs. It had been uncalled for, first off, and as if that wasn't enough, after it was out the rest of the school had like, basically ostracized all of the Gryffindor girls! Daisy still blamed the graduated seventh years for all those lunches she had spent alone while the fuss blew over, and here stood one of them in front of her, just adding to the top of the reasons she already had to dislike her.

Well, then.

"Hmm," she pretended to ponder. As if a lightbulb had just gone off in her head, Daisy appeared suddenly enlightened, her sweet smile returning in full force. "You know, I think I do remember you! You're the one that got knocked up and tried to lie about it, right?"

That would show her.

Oh.

My.

Fucking.

God.

NO SHE DID NOT. NO SHE DID NOT JUST INSULT HER AND INGRID AT THE SAME TIME. SHE DID NOT JUST DO THAT HOLY MOTHER OF ASKLHSGKLH.

She didn't even know what to say to that, she didn't even know what she COULD say to that short of not saying anything at all and just tackling the girl to the floor. Greta wouldn't even have to do anything, she was pretty sure one could contract a million untreatable disease just from touching it with their bare skin.

"Do I look like I am going to or have recently had a baby?" she hissed, pointing towards her stomach.

It might not have been FLAT, but there certainly wasn't a baby bulge puffing out of the thing!

"And you might want to be very, very careful about how you address anything even remotely regarding my sister," she said in a low voice, enunciating each and every word partially so this very fast-talking brazen brat would understand and partially because it was keeping her temper in tact.

TIL—TILDEN! OH, NO!

She flashed a look at him, worriedly. "I'm such a big fan!" she told him hurriedly, hoping he hadn't heard much of that exchange. "I think you have so many interesting and informative things to say on the subject of flora!"

Tilden had been watching the exchange of the two girls, his brow furrowed and lips slightly parted in confusion. Were they angry? But why? Why would they be mad? They had just seemed so happy a second ago, it really was quite strange. He thought that the dark-haired girl was pretty, but now a second girl had come up, and the first thing he had noticed about her was how short she was - but wow, she was such a little cutie! His night was looking better and better!

At the topic of flora and fauna, he brightened considerably and turned towards - Greta, was that her name? "Yes, I just planted a new breed of flowers that I have bred myself! I thought of a name for it yet, it's kind of like a rose mixed with a carnation but... hmm, it's kind of hard to explain, I guess I'll have to think about it some more before I talk about it on my next programme! In fact I have the best topic planned for next week, I'm having a guest come and talk about..."

He could have happily prattled on more. However, he trailed off when he realized that the two girls were kind of... close together. Nudging each other out of the way even, right in front of him. How strange!

"Um," he ventured. Aw darn it, he was confused again. "Greta, Daisy?" Hurray, he was fairly sure that he had gotten their names right! "Is there something wrong?"

Daisy had had her mouth open to make a snide-but-sweet remark about how, well, the confusion might have been avoided if someone in particular would have just laid off the jelly slugs once in a while, but! Alas, before the thought could leave her mind, that velvety smooth voice she knew from countless afternoons lounging in front of the wireless rang out again like--like a choir of angels. Daisy was helpless but to turn her attention back to the glorious man and listen. It wasn't like it was difficult to forget about Greta's very unwelcome presence when there was a man as amazing as Tilden standing in front of you, after all.

Oh dear Merlin, and he had gotten her name right, too! Aaaaah!

She barely held back the little squeal that threatened to bubble up from her throat and settled for an overly enthusiastic smile. Daisy waved a dismissive hand in Greta's direction, as if she were shooing her to leave.

"Oh, nothing at all! Just an old friend of mine, haven't seen her since school let out, terribly tragic---but tell me, Tilden, how are your crop of mandrakes lately? I've been listening raptly to your detailed descriptions day-by-day of course, can't think of anything more interesting to follow than the growth patterns of mandrakes any day, and I've been just dying to hear more. Two hours is really just not enough to cover it all, wouldn't you agree?" Daisy batted her eyelashes, and took a step closer him. "I really think they should push back that Javy Spinnet's show, I mean, I could totally do without all the rock music---Herbology is way more important!"

What--what what what what what, just WHAT did this blonde monster think she was doing? WHO'S FAMOUS COUSIN WAS IN THE HOBGOBLINS, ANYWAY!

And did--did she just dismiss Greta with a wave of her hand?

Who did she think she was, the Queen of Sheba?

Unfortunately, Greta was not dismissed that easily.

"Well, Tilden, I think your work with crosspollination is simply fascinating," Greta said loudly, sliding between him and Daisy. "Of course, I got an O in my N.E.W.T Herbology class--all because of you, really, you are such an inspiration! Not that I'm obsessed," she shot an annoyed look at Daisy, "with you and your show, or anything, but you are such a pleasure to listen to!" And watch, she added mentally, upon taking in his appearance. Oh, and there was that heavenly (or was "earthy" more apropos?) smell if she leaned in just a quarter of an inch in. "You know, few people can make learning so interesting and easy! The words seem to flow just off the tip of your tongue!"

Oh, gosh, no, she said, her eyes widening slightly in terror. Do NOT think of his tongue, don't do it, please don't.

Wow, these girls really knew their Herbology stuff! As a passionate purveyor of everything Herbology, Tilden was really impressed with the references that the girls were both saying. He was relieved though, Daisy had assured him that they were not mad at all, maybe it was his imagination. Sometimes he tended to drift and space out, and maybe sometimes his vivid imagination would be telling him something false. Merlin knows that all the professors back at Hogwarts got mad at him for that for some reason!

"Well!" he gave a little laugh. "I'm going to assume that those words flow off my tongue because I spent all day with my plants and flowers. You know..." He leaned closer to the girls, as if confiding in them a deep secret. "I hardly ever go to these things you know. The only place I go is my garden and fields, and to the WWN station, and maybe to my best friend Gilderoy's! I hope you girls don't think I'm... boring or anything because of it!" He let out a small, deep chuckle.

This was definitely why he liked having girls as friends better than guys. Although he had only one male best friend - Gilderoy Lockhart, he had more female friends. Female friends didn't call you stupid or dumb or made fun of you or called you a big flowery ponce, girls were sweet and nice and listened to whatever you had to say!

Plus they were pretty too, which Tilden definitely liked.

WELL, alright then, Miss Bitchypants!

This time Daisy could not hide the daggers that she was glaring into Greta's back for her swift maneuver, but really it didn't matter seeing as the other girl towered over her like some bloody giant. Honestly, she could use to lose a few pounds AND go down a few inches--didn't she know men didn't like women who were too tall? Men liked cute, petite, fragile looking girls. Fragile and adorable. And blonde.

Well, didn't that just prove it. She was perfect for him!

And no pissy, uptight bitch was getting in the way of that. It was like, destiny. You can't just step in front of destiny.

With renewed confidence and resolve in the total rightness of her mission, Daisy slipped up under Greta's arm, successfully pushing the other girl out of the way---with maybe just a bit more force than was necessary.

"Oh come now!" Daisy's laugh was over exaggerated and blatantly flirty, and she reached out to playfully hit him on the arm. "That's just silly! How could anyone find you boring? Why, I think you're the most interesting person I've ever met--which I can totally say, now that I'm talking to you!"

She smiled, but then sighed sadly, her mood suddenly doing a 180---the whole thing overacted, of course. Daisy paused for a moment and turned her eyes to the floor, as if she were all of a sudden becoming very shy. "It's so terrible, though, that we would meet in these circumstances. What I wouldn't give to be able to sit down with you over lunch and talk about Herbology more in depth." At her last words, Daisy glanced up at Tilden with the biggest puppy-dog eyes she could muster up, and pouted.

He had to take the bait. That would show that rude hag.

"That would be amazing, Tilden!" Greta gushed, obnoxiously perky. Fine, she wanted to play that game? They would play. They would play and Daisy would lose.

Daisy was an easy opponent. People must easily tire of hearing that horribly perky, chirpy soprano, and she was so miniscule, people would turn away from a second and lose her. She was like a bug. A pesky, annoying bug that could be easily squashed on.

And this was coming from a girl who had been petite all her life, so Daisy was obviously suffering from some kind of misfortune in that genetic area.

"I think I'm so fortunate to see you like this, Tilden! You know Kirby, my famous Hobgoblin cousin, was so excited that you were coming, he couldn't wait to introduce us! Don't you think this is an exciting setting! You so very rarely attend functions as these, I'm so honored that we might make our acquaintance like this!"

Squish.

See! This was why he liked being friends with girls so much more better than guys! It was like this Hogwarts too, girls were always so interested in what he had to say. Whenever he tried to start up a conversation with boys back in school about the interesting new breeds he had found, they would either laugh in his face or call him the most awful names, which was just mean. His mummy did not raise Tilden to call other people names, she had raised him to be a perfect gentleman.

He found himself having to back up a step, however, as the girls were coming really close to him.

"Oh Kirby! I know Kirby, we went to school together!" he said happily. "He was such a good friend, tell him that I'll send him a congratulatory Mandrake for tonight's show! And you too, if you want one! But I'd peg you more of the flower type, so I'll send you a bouquet of my brand new rose breed!" He clapped a friendly hand on Greta's shoulder.

He turned to Daisy - gosh, she was so little, it was really quite endearing, Little Daisy - and beamed at her. "I like lunch! That sounds a charming idea, let's do meet up sometime!"

This time she didn't even try to hide it--Daisy let out a squeal of delight at her victory and, in a move completely born of spontaneity, she jumped up to give Tilden a tight hug. She got a date! Or, well--not a date exactly but---OH OF COURSE IT WAS A DATE! Who was she kidding!

Destiny!

That slag Greta just got flowers, but Daisy had gotten the real prize, and as she let go of Tilden, the smug smirk she shot at the other girl told it all. That would teach her to try and compete with Daisy Hookum for something that she wanted!

Thinking quickly, she reached around to her purse and pulled a pen out of the side pocket. With her other hand, she grabbed Tilden's and opened it palm up, the other moving to neatly scrawl an address on the exposed skin there. When she was done, Daisy blew lightly on his palm, then closed his hand with both of hers and a charming smile. "Owl me, alright? Don't forget, I'll be totally looking forward to it and I'd be super disappointed if you'd lie to a girl," she told him playfully.

Reluctantly, then, she let go of him, but not before reaching up on her toes to give him a peck on the cheek. "I have to run, but thanks so much for the time!" she chirped, and turned on her heel to leave, not even acknowledging the other girl's presence.