WHO: James Potter and Lily Evans
WHAT: The first 'I love you'
WHERE: St. Mungo's
WHEN: After he came back from France
James was being a good little patient and taking his potions on time and letting the Healers do their work and sitting calmly in between the flurry of it all. His father had barely left his side since they’d transferred him to St. Mungo’s and that alone had caused his stress levels to raise, even though they were no where near where they’d been these past few weeks. It was good to have a few minutes alone, even though James didn’t know how much of it he could take. Just enough time to breathe, really, then a Healer could come back in and perform some more spells and all that rot and he’d go back to the mind numbing routine.
He was sitting up in his bed looking down at the hands in his lap though his eyes strayed up his left arm to the tight bandaging. It amused him slightly that the Healers thought that by wrapping his forearm up so nicely that he would forget that he’d had the Dark Mark carved into him. It was---he let out a soft laugh at the thought, though he appreciated that the bandaging was so tight, felt like it was suffocating the mark. Good, good it didn’t deserve---
His eyes shot up at the sound of the door clicking open and he’d almost missed it after being so consumed at cursing his scars. James felt his heart stop and his shoulders slumped, but not out of disappointment, but the disbelief at who was standing in the doorway just knocked all the air out of him.
“Lily,” he croaked.
Lily had thought she had done a good job of composing herself. She had thought she would be okay and that she could take this and she was going to be able to put on a calm exterior because that was what she was good at, wasn't it? Being calm and composed and poised and all that and the other was what she did.
She was obviously not as prepared as she had thought she had been, for as the door clicked open and James' face came into view, there was no halting the sob that rose up in her throat at the overwhelming joy that soared through her at seeing him. Just--Merlin, just seeing him, he was--he was alive. He was right here. It was impossible to put across how fucking amazing and relieved and grateful and ohhhh just plain good it felt.
Despite the warning against it by every single Healer that she had met on the way up to his room, Lily ran inside and in a second was--somewhat awkwardly, laying down and all--flopped beside James, her arms around him as tightly as she could get them to go. "Oh my God," she whispered, knowing she must look like an absolute crazy person with tears already streaming down her cheeks.
James let out a strangled sort of sound as for a second he tried to hold back a sob, but soon dropped all the cold barriers he’d put up since returning and clung to Lily as well as he could in her awkward position. His face was buried into her shoulder immediately and he cried---oh, he couldn’t help it he just started to cry and the wave of relief that was crashing through him made me feel so good, better than he’d literally felt in weeks.
He’d been made to believe that she was dead. Raped, killed, that she---that she was gone and to have her back in his arms felt like---it was just unbelievable, overwhelming. Who could he thank for this? James attempted to calm his crying and breathing but it was as if everything that had built up over the past few weeks was pouring out of him and he decided in the blur that was his mind that it was good that he was with Lily because, he knew, she’d just let him take his time and breath and she’d be there, she’d always---be there.
In a completely non-malicious way, Lily was so glad that James was crying, because she knew that she wasn't the only one that had been turned into a total wreck these past few weeks and that--Merlin, well, he felt like he could cry around her...that was a really powerful feeling. And maybe that was that that made her say it, but Lily was quite certain that it was some much stronger, much more amazing feeling that had been built up inside her for months now that was demanding to finally let itself be known.
She would oblige. She had waited far too long, idled away far too much time that could have been better spent letting him in, and now she inexplicably had her second chance. If there was one reason whatever higher power out there had sent James back to her, it was so she could tell him... and make sure she wouldn't be that stupid ever again.
"I love you, James Potter," she gasped into his shoulder between sobs. "I love you and I should have told you before now and I'm so sorry. Don't ever leave me again, I love you too much for this--I'd--I'd die, you hear me?"
He listened to her until she was done before reacting and James pulled his face out of her hair to just look at her and---it wasn’t to see if she was telling the truth because he’d never believed anything more in his entire life, but he needed to see the face of a Lily Evans that was admittedly in love with him. It sounded stupid, but. Even if they were both sitting on a hospital bed blubbering like idiots, James was going to get a good look (though his eyes were blurred with tears, it was the thought that really counted) at something he’d been waiting for, if he was honest with himself, for years.
A smile cracked across his tear-streaked face for what had to be the first time during his entire stay and James nodded, taking a few quick breaths.
“I won’t---I promise, I love you too, I---” he clenched his teeth for a second, thinking about all he’d been forced to believe, he didn’t want to start crying again, not now, “I thought you were---they told me you were---de-dead and I---I couldn’t, I wanted to—I can’t live without you Lily, I can’t--- I love you so much--”
A grin graced her features at hearing him say that in return, because really... she had been so scared at one point that if he did come back and she had said it that... Merlin, well, what if he had decided she wasn't worth it and had decided that he didn't really love her and wanted to take it back? As improbable as the situation sounded to anyone that knew them, it was a big worry but ohh--not anymore, not anymore everything was alright again. James was back and he was alive and he loved her and she loved him and they were letting it out in the open and God it was immesurable how much lighter she felt.
She laughed once, choking out a more mirthful sound than she had in what felt like ages, before breaking out into full-on laughter. Merlin, she felt so good at this moment, she just wanted to capture it in her mind forever. If she could feel like this for the rest of her life, she would be the happiest girl in the world.
"I love you too, I love you and I--I really mean it, I'm just sorry that it took all of this to make me finally realize--" Knowing that there was nothing she could possibly say to put across this wave of emotions she was feeling, Lily did the only thing she could do and leaned forward, capturing him in the biggest kiss of his life.
At first James was very confused as to why she was laughing, as this really wasn’t supposed to be funny, though he realized quickly what all the laughter was about and laughed a little himself. It was rather strange, sitting here like this and expressing their love for each other while crying in the middle of a hospital room. This was really not how he’d pictured all of this going down, though he’d been the idiot that had blurted out everything a few months back, so maybe he shouldn’t complain. It was definitely something they could laugh about later and---oh, she was kissing him.
His eyes fell shut and the rush of remembering what her kisses felt like was more than James could ever have asked for. Merlin’s bloody beard, nothing in his life had ever tasted this good and one hand snaked around her waist while the other went to the back of Lily’s head, getting tangled in her hair and pushing her closer, just---so…holy hell, he’d missed this, he’d missed her, there were---he’d need a thousand years to truly express all of it so James just stopped thinking and continued to kiss Lily.
Forget that she the Healers were going to murder her (haha!) if they came in to check on him and saw she was doing this. Forget that they had warned her only a thousand times that she was supposed to be taking every measure not to do anything that was going to excite him (though, she wasn't doing it in quite the same sense, so technically...)--she hadn't gotten the chance to kiss her boyfriend in weeks and hell if she was going to wait any longer.
"I thought you were de--dead--" she whispered tearfully against his lips as her arms held him against her with a fierceness and desperation the likes of which she had never felt before. Just thinking what would become of her if James had died was--Merlin, he was the only one she really had left. Although she wouldn't admit it out loud--James was the one--James was her family any more... and heaven knew she had already lost enough family to Voldemort; it would have broken her to lose him too.
James nodded along with her words, trying to break their snog as little as possible. He needed her, he needed this, he needed to feel Lily under his hands to make sure that she was real and that she hadn’t left him, that he hadn’t left her. And---goodness, okay, this was the wrong time for exhaustion to kick in and James desperately didn’t want to stop kissing her but his back was beginning to ache, which meant he’d have to take one of those potions the Healers had left in a few multicolored bottles on the nearby table.
They were lying down by now, and he dropped his head to the pillow to look at her, smiling lightly. James brought a hand to her face to wipe away some tears and just touch her gently. She was so beautiful, it was amazing how pretty she could be with blotchy eyes and stuffy nose. He wondered if he had really thought she was beautiful up until this past summer and decided that he hadn’t, that all of this was so much more different and real than all the flirting (the good kind and the bad kind) had never reached this.
“Lily Evans,” he said softly, a grin creeping up on his face, “in love with James bloody Potter…hrm…I think I may have to report that to the Prophet.”
It didn't take a genius to notice that James looked tired, and so Lily didn't mind so much not snogging him any more. He had just better know that once he was good and better and got back to Hogwarts, she was going to be snogging him like there was no tomorrow--oh, and that he wasn't bloody ever sleeping in his own bed again.
For now, however, his state was making her feel much more maternal than girlfriendly, and she merely smiled at his comment. Her grip around him loosened a bit (so that wasn't taking all the air out of him, that was) and she leaned forward, placing a kiss on his forehead. "I'm sure. You can do that the second you get out of here--just, you know, get out of here first," she said, still sounding quite tearful but not sobbing any longer.
James nodded, he couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital, it would mean that things were starting to get back on track and back to normal. Normal, ha, that was something he never thought he’d want to be, but at the moment James wanted nothing more than to go back to school and snog Lily between classes. And walk with her, and go on dates with her, and bother (aka kiss) her while she was studying, while she was eating, while she was just sitting there trying to ignore him but failing miserably (because she could never really ignore him).
There were only a few months of school left, he didn’t want to waste anymore time before they were thrust into the real world with choices and decisions and responsibilities that had to be dealt with all on their own. Hell, that was probably the scariest part of it all: he’d have to trust himself not to fuck up. Haaaa.
“A full page spread---” a yawn escaped him, but the arm draped over her waist lifted to gesticulate how big the ad was going to be, “ ‘Evans loves Potter – Hell has not frozen over’.”
Lily laughed. "Yes, I'm sure," she commented with an affectionate roll of her eyes.
She could hardly believe what a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and the shoulders of this relationship, by her finally admitting it. Already, she felt so much more at ease with him, so much happier and less careful and--there was just no worry there. She was sure some of her feelings had to do with the fact that he was alive (well, more like a lot of her feelings), but it was something else. Kind of made her forget why exactly she had been so indecicsive about it earlier. Lily was certain that if she had known it was going to be this easy, she would have said it a long time ago.
"I'll say it as much as you want when you get out of here," she assured him, kissing him on the cheek before slipping carefully off of the bed. "But for now you need to sleep, alright? I'll see you back at Hogwarts when you get out, and just so you know--you're never sleeping alone again, yeah? For my sake more than yours." She smirked playfully despite being completely serious.
Well. That was exactly what every bloke on the planet wanted to hear, and James was lucky enough to have Lily Evans say it to him. The grin on his face was wider than he could ever have imagined it would be after these few weeks of hell, and, just damn. This was what he needed, this was absolutely what he needed to give him the hope that things were going to be okay, and that he was going to get back to normal, someday. This, with Lily---it gave him something to reach for, there was a future with her, and James would be damned if he’d let that slip away.
“Hey, Evans,” he called after her softly, pushing back into the pillows and settling in. James eyed her with a warmth he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before, and then a wicked grin split across his face, “Love you.”
Lily, having been ready to leave, turned back halfway, and after an initial moment of surprise, sent him back the same sort of grin. "Love you too, Potter," she answered back quietly.
So this was what happiness felt like.
