Dizzy
She couldn’t imagine how a mere two years ago she’d wished for some excitement in her life. Emmeline supposed that every sullen teenager had that dream, that one day their world would flip upside down and knock them out of the slings and arrows of life and make it something worthwhile, but she couldn’t remember that feeling, she couldn’t remember wanting to have a spectacularly dramatic life. Inside she knew that she’d rather have the life she had now than a boring, mundane, completely irrelevant one.
And that’s what mattered, in the end, wasn’t it? That her life mattered? Emmeline continued her musings, legs hanging off the side of her bed as her head hung back over the other, arms spread out across the mattress. Her house was empty, she had no idea if she was supposed to meet any of her friends anywhere, and quite honestly she didn’t care.
Hogwarts was over, she’d taken her N.E.W.T.s, she’d boarded the Hogwarts Express as a student for the last time, and now she was home in absolute silence, wondering what on bloody earth was she going to do next.
There had been no applications sent in, even if she’d told Professor Flitwick and her friends otherwise. She had loaded them with lies about what she was intending to do, change the ministry, change the world, but in reality Emmeline was terrified of not coming back to Hogwarts in September. Most days she could ignore the fact that she had nothing to look forward to with homework or gossip or annoying the administration in one way or the other, but now that she was home, her reality was settling in.
Maybe she’d travel. Sirius had done that last summer; she had the money and time for it. Maybe she’d open up a bookstore; Merlin knew she had some sort of attraction to them. Maybe she’d---no, there wasn’t time for maybes anymore, she wasn’t a student anymore, she was a legal, fully educated witch that had stepped foot into the real world for the first time and said ‘Fuck if I know what I’m supposed to do.’
The thought of not having a plan used to make her dizzy—not used to, it still did, which was how she’d found herself flopped so unceremoniously on her bed. The room had stopped spinning quite a bit ago, but Emmeline was still wary about getting up. It seemed like entering her bedroom had caused her to have the horrid epiphany of being a nobody for the rest of her life, and that scared her more than a mundane desk job at the ministry.
Because, again, she wanted to be relevant. Emmeline knew she’s done more for this world than most people will in their lifetime, but it didn’t seem like enough. She wanted to do something that made her constantly feel like she had a purpose, and it was beginning to seem like she’d never find something that fulfilled her expectations. It was so strange, people told her that she could be anything she wanted, she’d been hearing it since fifth year and the meetings with Professor Flitwick about careers---he’d suggested the Department of Mysteries, the Wizengamot, bloody hell, if that couldn’t get her excited, what could?
One day she wanted to be an Auror, the next, a healer. Maybe on the charms committee, or how about working in an apothecary? She could write a book, a murder mystery, a romance novel, or children’s bedtime stories. She could literally do anything, and Emmeline felt like she didn’t want to do anything at all. She used to be so set on her goals, she used to have an idea and that’s what she wanted, that’s what was she was going to get, and now? Emmeline was trying to figure out what had broken her, what had made her so completely unsettled with everything she bloody did---
She heard knocking echoing up the stairwell from the front door, and it took another few knocks to get her to sit up, shoulder slumped and looking out toward the hallway. She could ignore it, or she could get a move on with this so-called life she was attempting to create.
“COMING,” she shouted, not moving just yet. Emmeline pressed the heel of her palms into her eyes for a moment before letting out a breath and jumping to her feet, “Come on, Emmeline…whatever, ever you are.”
You're cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You're monochrome, delerious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drownin in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me
Oh, everything you are
Falls from the sky like a star
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are
I wanna kill at the machine
That made you piss away you dreams
Tear down your defenses
Till there's nothing there but me
You're angry when you're beautiful
Your love is such a tease
I'm drowning in your Dizzy noise
I wanna feel you scream
Oh, everything you are
Falls from the sky like a star
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are
Oh, everything you are
Falls from the sky like a star
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are
Whatever ever you are
Whatever ever you are
Slide
“Do you want to get married, or run away?”
Emmeline gaped up at Ben Fenwick, her mind completely shutting off at his words. She couldn’t have heard him correctly, she must be going insane. It was all the crying she’d been doing, that was it---she was hysterical, that couldn’t have been a fucking proposal he’d just spit out as if it were nothing, as if he was asking her what time it was.
“Emmeline, Emmeline, please.” She’d never seen Ben look so hopeless, he was begging her, begging her to go along with him as he left Hogwarts for the muggle world. He was begging her to drop everything she had to go with him on the slight chance that they could be happy. They weren’t even dating, they’d just---it’d been almost six months since they’d broken up, and they’d done something stupid over Easter, he couldn’t possibly think that it meant that they…what…what…
“Don’t do this,” Emmeline mumbled, tears stinging her eyes once more as she turned away from Ben, trying to go back to where Frank was stewing by the front steps. Ben grabbed her hands to pull her back to him, but she couldn’t look him in the eye. “Don’t, please.”
“Em, we could be happy, just think about it, we used to talk about it all the time!”
“Used to, Ben, you can’t---you can’t just…” She didn’t want to look at him, not because she thought it would change her mind, because it was hurting so goddamn bad to tell him that no, she didn’t want to marry him, she didn’t want to go off with him and start a life, no matter how amazing that idea had seemed just a few short months ago. “Please.”
“Don’t you love me? Emmeline, please do this for me, I need this, you need to come with me---” Ben pleaded, his grip on her hands tightening and Emmeline just continued to shake her head, tears spilling out of her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Ben’s hand went to her face to try and get her to look up at him but Emmeline resisted, even though she felt like just giving in to his heart wrenching words.
How many times had she imagined Benjamin Fenwick proposing to her? She was a teenaged girl, she was allowed to imagine her perfect proposal, her future fiancé, plan a wedding in her head that had lots of different colored daisies because they were different and cute and she didn’t want a big wedding she just wanted her own and---he wasn’t supposed to ask like this, they weren’t supposed to be doing this, and no matter how hard it was to shake her head once more as Ben repeated the proposal (even the second time around it seemed forced, fake), she did, and finally pulled herself away from him.
“No, Ben,” she said as sternly as possible, finally looking up at him because now she was sure that he couldn’t convince her otherwise, that she wasn’t going to feel bad about not going along with his plans because she knew what was right. “No.”
His expression cracked. The pleading, begging in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with a stony glare. Emmeline faltered slightly under his gaze, but kept looking at him; he needed to know that this wasn’t the answer.
She wasn’t going to give up her world for him.
Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I'd give ya anythin'
To feel it comin'
Do you wake up on your own?
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Yeah I'm gonna let it slide
Don't you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you
Don't supposed I'll ever know
What it means to be a man
Somethin' I can't change
I'll live around it
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Mmm mmm slide
And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothin' that fall
Oh May
Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh May
Do you wanna get married, or run away?
Broadway
Broadway is dark tonight
A little bit weaker than you used to be
Broadway is dark tonight
See the young man sittin' in the old man's bar
Waitin' for his turn to die
The cowboy kills the rock star
And Friday night's gone too far
The dim light hides the years
On all the faded girls
Forgotten but not gone
You drink it off your mind
You talk about the world
Like it's someplace that you've been
You see you'd love to run home, but you know you ain't got one
Cause you're livin' in a world that you're best forgotten, around here
Broadway is dark tonight
A little bit weaker than you used to be
Broadway is dark tonight
See the young man sittin' in the old man's bar
Waitin' for his turn to die
January Friend
Reach for higher ground
About the way you look
The way you scream out loud
Mine
Just like the last time
It's all the same to me
She said
Let's pretend
My January friend
I'm wanting you again
I wanna touch ya
Every single heart that beats
Pretend
My January friend
I'm wanting you again
I wanna touch ya
Every single heart that beats
Cry
Don't cry out loud
You've gotta bear your cross but never dream too loud
And you're tied
Tied to the next time
You realize your crimes
Black Balloon
It was her last train ride home from Hogwarts, she should not be sitting with her forehead pressed against the glass, watching the city of London pass by as the Hogwarts Express neared King’s Cross. The chatter with her roommates had ended a bit ago, all the excitement about finally leaving Hogwarts settling into something along the lines of exhaustion. Excited to leave the school or not, they were still Ravenclaws and had spent the last few months furiously studying for their N.E.W.T.s and it wasn’t a surprise to see Anneliese asleep against their bags and Juliet reading, but obviously not taking in a word. Ellie had Davy to be all weepy with, and Ashley must be off with John David, so the three remaining Ravenclaws were left to their own quiet musings.
The silence was giving her a lot of time to think (but then again, when wasn’t she thinking--) and picturing Ellie and Ashley with their respective boyfriends was causing her to dwell on the fact that hers wasn’t going to be on the platform when the train finally arrived. Not that she needed to be picked up, but it would have been nice, and she was cursing Remus’ boss for actually trusting him with things and giving him things to do. She was, overall, quite happy for him, but Jugson was picking up Anneliese, and Emmeline was sure that Nott would be there for Juliet, and…it was only natural (or so she told herself, to make her feel better about it) to be a bit jealous of them.
She wasn’t even going to see him until tomorrow, the way he’d made it sound in his letter, even if he’d tried to joke with her to get her mind off of him not being there. And you're not thinking 'bout tomorrow, are you? Definitely not, right, Miss. Vance? Emmeline smirked, thinking about pulling out the letter to reread it for the twentieth time. Maybe she’d missed the part where he said that he would be there, that his job didn’t require him to cover the meteor shower until six in the bleeding morning the next day---
---her head knocked heavily against the glass as the train entered the station, causing her to sit back with her palm to her forehead. Juliet looked over the top of her book with a smirk and her eyebrows slightly raised, and Emmeline refused to make eye contact. She stood, still frowning, and began to pull her trunk down as Juliet woke up Anneliese.
There was no real reason for her to be upset with Remus not picking her up, Emmeline knew that real life issues went ahead of sappy moments that you day dreamed about during class. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t come off the train to no one, before, though she should’ve asked Frank to help with her trunk or something. Plus, she didn’t want to be one of those girls, you know the ones, they demand their boyfriend go along with them shopping or have them sit awkwardly in on a lunch with the rest of your female friends just because. No, she definitely didn’t want that, she wasn’t like that, Emmeline thought as she roughly pulled her trunk off the overhead, not particularly caring at how hard it landed.
And even if she was something like one of those girls, she’d definitely seen Remus a lot this school year. With Hogsmeade weekends, Order meetings, and oy, so thankful for the revelation of those secret passages, Emmeline should not even remotely miss him, if she was really honest with herself. She kept silently repeating this as the girls gave their final hugs, Ellie and Ashley dashing into the compartment and tearfully flinging their arms around everyone. Emmeline couldn’t help but feel a little emotional, but blamed the blurriness of her eyes on the stuffiness of the compartment as they all made their way off the Hogwarts Express for the last time.
“Anneliese, you better let me host your hen party,” Ellie was saying over the noise of King’s Cross. Emmeline grinned as she waited for her turn to come down the stairs of the train, watching her friend blush madly but the sly grin on Anneliese’s face told an entirely different story. “I mean, come on---Ian can’t stop me from doing a friend a favor!”
“It would be right horrible of him to say no,” Emmeline agreed, earning a whoop of success from Ellie, who’d stopped on the platform to wait for Emmeline to come down the steps with her own trunk along with Anneliese and Juliet. Heavy bloody thing, but if everyone levitated their own, people would get knocked in the head and that would just be miserable because of course no one could control themselves, “Maybe if we all go over and pout he’ll be easier to---”
Emmeline was very lucky she’d set foot onto the platform, as her grip on the handle of her trunk slipped and the huge thing came bouncing down the steps behind her and crashed into the ground. There were some shrieks, but she didn’t hear them as she’d dashed off into the crowd and—yes, she wasn’t---it was, and---Emmeline flung herself at Remus, who had been, before being knocked off his feet, staring up at the windows of the train as if searching for someone.
“He…llo,” Remus muttered, sitting up, even if it was a bit hard to because she was quite happily straddling his waist. Emmeline grinned widely, arms that were slung around his neck pulling him close to kiss him soundly. She felt the crunch of paper as his hands pressed against her back and when she finally allowed him to break the kiss, Remus pulled a small bouquet of flowers from behind her back and presented them to her, even if they were now a bit squished from the fall. He smirked, but Emmeline took them quickly and even let out the slightest of giggles, knowing her face was incredibly red and flushed. “You’re not very good at this surprise thing, are you?”
“You have no bloody idea.”
"Emma": <3 Frank was mad, he was like ">.< why is Remus not picking her up BAD BOYFRIEND" xD
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking 'bout tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees
A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb
Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer
You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never know
What's the things they never showed you
That swallow the light from the sun
Inside your room, yeah
Bullet Proof
It had been two weeks since she’d spoken or seen anyone from the Order. When Emmeline did something wrong, everyone on the planet knew about it, and she couldn’t bear to deal with the repercussions, not this time.
It wasn’t fair. She’d been sure, she’d been so fucking positive and sure and it was all lies. All of it. The past seven years---all a bloody lie, and now she had to pay the price for actually being honest to someone. She couldn’t believe how angry she was, she hated him so much, she felt so betrayed, so hurt, so ready to—to—to what? Kill? Kill like the bastard he was? No, Emmeline would make sure her anger never reached that level, but she would not hesitate in sending Antonin Dolohov to Azkaban the second she could.
How many times had the rest of the Order shown their concerns? How much evidence had they thrown at her, argued with her? But no, Emmeline knew. She was so God damn smart, she knew and they were all idiots for telling her otherwise. How could they know anything she didn’t about Antonin? They hadn’t sat with him for seven years, they hadn’t joked and laughed with him, they hadn’t held him when he broke down---another flare of anger rose up inside of her; had that been a lie, too? Making her feel sorry for him, to get her on his side? Emmeline wouldn’t put it past a fucking death eater, but it was so hard to believe that Antonin---
Antonin is a death eater, Emmeline
There. It was settled. He was nothing more than a death eater. A death eater. Antonin was a death eater. No matter how many times she told herself that she didn’t care about him anymore, no matter how many times she reminded herself that he’d done this himself, she couldn’t stop the pain. She shouldn’t care about a death eater, there should be no need, and---and maybe that was why she’d been avoiding the Order. Her blind faith in Antonin had caused some of their own to be hurt, Remus had been hurt, and it was all her fault, she should have listened, she shouldn’t have been so fucking stubborn.
She had no idea how she wound up in front of Remus’ front door, because she was quite sure he hated her now, but she’d already knocked and was near hysterics by the time the door opened. Emmeline was a mess, her hair mussed and thrown into a lousy ponytail, tears streaming out of her eyes because what else could she do?
“Em---”
“I’m sorry!” she shot out angrily, though it was anger directed at herself. Emmeline backed away from the door, almost ready to walk away because she was sure he’d never want to speak to her again, not after the mess she’d made. “I should have listened when you called my name, when you said not to go, I should have listened, but I’m a---I’m a fucking idiot, I’m an idiot I should have---I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, Remus, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
When his arms wrapped around her, Emmeline pushed away with all her strength; she didn’t deserve to be forgiven. No, no she could have killed him, she could have killed Remus by trusting that bastard, and she pressed her hands into his chest, but he wouldn’t let go, and it was pointless, everything was so fucking pointless. Emmeline let out a pitiful wail and sank to the ground, burying her face in his shirt, apologizing over, and over, and over.
Do you listen to yourself
Never live for someone else
Do you like the way you feel
Nothing hurts when no one's real
She wants to shake this scene
Yeah she wants to shake with me
She's not looking for the holes in all the lies
I wanna bullet proof your soul
Would you like to lose control
I won't let you fall until you tell me so
What are we? (Whatchya wanna be)
Everything! (That you wanna be)
All I need (Right in front of me)
I've know before
Would you come my way
Or did you burn out to the end
Would you come my way
Should have listened when you called my name
Amigone
James Potter had always been something of a mystery to her.
To be honest, all of the Marauders had, but Emmeline had been able to figure out the other three better than James. Remus was the easiest to understand, of course, given their relationship and Emmeline considered Sirius Black a rather good friend that she could…she’ll say seventy-eight percent of the time understand. Peter was the tag-along, as Ben and Frank had created a friendship in the dorm and he’d found himself latching onto the other three. That’s what it was. Remus was the conscience they needed when they might go too far, Sirius was the one that fired them up to do those stunts, and Peter was the lackey that they used when the other three didn’t want to do something.
So Potter? Emmeline couldn’t figure out.
He was their leader, she knew. When James was upset, hurt, or simply not in the mood, the other three fell out of place. When James said something, they listened. It was amazing, because back in school she would have thought him an insufferable prat, with a big mouth who didn’t know when to shut up (well…), but it seemed to make sense now. Or at least, he’d morphed into something that made sense.
There was no one else besides Dumbledore and Moody that could hold the entire Order’s attention like James. No one questioned him when he gave orders, and when they did, he had an answer that satisfied and moved on to the next subject. Emmeline knew that the Order of the Phoenix was full of brilliant minds, wizards and witches that were literally changing their world, but she found herself almost jealous of the ease James had with dealing with it.
“See something you like?”
Emmeline snapped out of her daze and blinked at James, who was twirling his wand around idly. She frowned and shook her head, getting back to working on the final charms of the house. She’d never been to Godric’s Hollow, but it seemed like a nice place. After more than a year of being in hiding, James, Lily, and Harry (who was almost cuter than Neville, almost) were finally going to settle, under the Fidelius Charm (tomorrow, actually, they were going to set the charm tomorrow). It was no way to live, but it was their only way to live, and Emmeline would probably not have been able to last as long as the Potters had under the immense stress.
“Never, Potter,” she muttered, a smirk on her face. James scoffed and started up the stairs of the small cottage. It was a brilliant idea, coming back to Godric’s Hollow. It had been one of the first places the Potters had hidden but been found, and who in their right mind would return back? Hopefully Voldemort didn’t think they would take that chance, which was what they were betting on, and with the charm in place, the Potters were safer than they had been in a long, long time.
“I grew up at the end of the village,” James called over his shoulder, Emmeline nodding as her wand slowly made up the railing, a non-slip spell being put into place. “Spent every summer in the town square with the muggles, its how I’ve become so worldly.”
“Ooh, hanging around a muggle plaza,” Emmeline said in feigned excitement, stopping on the landing. James walked backwards down the hall and grinned, pushing the door of one of the doors open, “I’m so jealous.”
Emmeline followed him in, wondering if they’d bother putting up pictures and other items that made a home a home, and grinned at the sight of an already furnished nursery. James was fiddling with the snitch mobile hanging over the bed and Emmeline let out a light laugh, coming over and leaning against the rails, looking out the window.
“Training a seeker?”
“Mmm, Harry is kind of puny,” James said, not taking his attention off of the little golden balls. Emmeline snorted and shook her head, “I’d like for him to be a chaser, but seeker’s good too.”
“So long as he flies.”
James nodded and stood back, looking down at the mobile with a strong expression of pride, and swatted at a snitch to make it spin around faster. Emmeline’s eyes followed the snitches as they slowly floated around, wondering if maybe they could add a lullaby to them; Neville’s had music…Neville had everything, really, as Emmeline spoiled her godson completely rotten, and she was sure that the Potters and Harry’s faux-uncles had done the same. If they’d wanted a musical mobile, Harry would have one---
“Take care of Remus for me, will you?”
Emmeline’s eyes slowly lifted from the mobile to look at James, whose eyes were still locked onto the mobile. His jovial expression had faded into one of morbid concern. She gulped, looking away from him and back to the snitches.
“Take care of him yourself,” she muttered, reaching out and swatting a snitch to keep the mobile spinning. James let out a soft laugh and leaned beside her on the railings of the crib.
“Ain't it funny how a life can take a turn when the end is near?”
Emmeline’s head dropped, eyes shut and she revved up to tell James that no, the end was not near. They were charming the wards of this house beyond all comprehension, Voldemort would never be able to find them, the Potters had done their part in the war; they were allowed to be kept safe, they deserved to live without fear, the end was not near, and she wanted to hate James for being so morbid.
But she didn’t get the chance because it sounded like a rhinoceros was bounding up the stairs and James stood back and grinned as the door swung open. Harry was laughing madly in Sirius’ arms, Remus following quickly behind, and Lily stalking in behind with a glare on her face.
“You’re supposed to be quiet,” she snapped, trying to snatch Harry out of Sirius’ arms, but he moved swiftly away, causing the baby to laugh even harder. He was passed along to Remus, who looked as if he was going to give Harry to his mother, but quickly ducked away from Lily’s arms. “You are playing hot potato with my son, I am going to---”
Harry was dropped into Emmeline’s arms with a loud snicker, and she glanced down at the baby who was still laughing shrilly. She hefted him up onto her hip and Harry clapped happily, swatting her chin as if letting her know that she’d lost the game by holding onto him for too long. She lost his attention as James started a loud and obvious ‘fee fi fo fum’ stomping his way over to Harry who shrieked with excitement, clambering up and almost over Emmeline’s shoulder to get away from his ‘giant’ of a father. James’ hands grabbed Harry around his middle and pulled him away, rolling the boy up his arms to plant a raspberry on his stomach.
Emmeline grinned and shrugged at Lily, whose fingers were now counting down from ten. See? There was no need for James to be thinking so morbidly, things were normal, they were getting back to normal---or as normal as a member of the Order of the Phoenix could possibly hope for.
Everytime you point your finger
Three more point right back at you
I'm not sayin' that it's something wrong with life
'Cause that's a sad excuse
And age old game of rat and mouse
Chasin' us from house to house
I'm not sayin' that there's something wrong with you
It's wrong with me as well
Are you alive
Amigone (...Miracles gone wrong)
Is it to call and tell you to be strong
Are you alive
Amigone (...Miracles gone wrong)
Was the poison in our love there all along
Amigone
Heavenly intoxication
Love's been marred by medication
Ain't it funny how a life can take a turn
When the end is near
All Eyes On Me
“Truth or dare!”
There was no need for the four-poster beds of the dorm room tonight, no, sleepovers were meant to take place on the floor, and furthermore, no sleep was actually meant to occur. The two facts were clearly stated in the unwritten rulebook of sleepovers, and everyone who was anyone knew that. It was only a week into the school year, but who was to say that they couldn’t put their studies to the side and take part in a tradition that was seven years running? No one, that’s who, and the fact that they were all of legal age this time and were able to smuggle in alcohol from the summer holidays added to the dire need to make sure that this ritual survived.
Emmeline put her finger to her lips in an over exaggerated manner, humming a thoughtful sound as she contemplated Ellie’s question. A difficult decision, that was sure, and she pointed the same finger at Ellie in a dramatic fashion, as if choosing a challenger for an intense duel.
“Truth!”
“Boring!” Juliet and Anneliese shouted at the same time, but Emmeline simply lifted her chin in a snotty manner and listened carefully for Ellie’s response. The girl’s eyes took on a mischievous twinkle and Ellie shrugged her shoulders up and down a bit before finally throwing out the question.
“Which one of our boyfriends----” “And fiancés!” “---and fiancés, do you think is the cutest?”
This elicited a room wide shriek of laughter from the rest of the girls, and Ellie sat smugly from her position on top of her pillow, eyebrows high as she waited for the answer (“Including John David!” Anneliese added with a shriek, making Ashley choke on her candy). Emmeline playfully fainted back into her quilts, smacking her hand over her eyes as she carefully made her decision. The wrong answer could literally mean life or death, you know, this was serious business---who knew if she was actually a scarlet woman who was secretly planning the demise of one of her best friends’ relationships? Merlin’s beard, she could be locked up for such scandalous thoughts.
“Rhys!” Emmeline let out quickly and fast, sitting up and grinning wickedly at Juliet.
“Rhys is not my boyfriend! This should be very easy for you lot to understand, you’re not a gaggle of Hufflepuff duffers----” but her protests were drowned by the laughter of the other girls, and Emmeline knew she’d chosen right. Even if it was true, but still, that was beside the point.
“All right, all right, all eyes on me,” Emmeline said, using her lecturing voice as she got to her feet (with a little help from Ashley’s four-poster, okay, maybe there was some need for them tonight). She stood, not without wobbling for a moment---whoever said that fifth glass was a good idea was going to get hexed in the morning, if she could even remember to do said hexing, “Who is the cutest boy in the entire year?”
“You didn’t pick a----” Ashley started, but was interrupted immediately.
“TUCKER KOLE!”
“ZACH SLOPER!”
“BERTRAM AUBREY!”
“ELPHIAS DOGE!”
“What?” all eyes turned on Anneliese, who was sitting up straight, legs pulled underneath her and a perplexed look on her face.
“What?”
“Elphias? You said Elphias!” Emmeline repeated, but it was more like shrieked, as she was a terrible, terrible drunk, there, she admitted it. Are you happy? Anneliese squirmed and shrugged, rather pink in the face and she put her hand out as if starting a discussion in class.
“He is rather handsome, when he’s not being…odd.”
The other girls shared a few more glances, before Juliet smirked and tilted her head to the side, as if picturing the boy. Emmeline, Ellie, and Ashley all mimicked the motion, the room going silent for a few moments as the Ravenclaws used their imaginations to picture the strange boy as something other than strange.
“If he cut his hair, I’d consider it,” Ellie said with a nod.
“NOT THE HAIR!”
Daylight burns your sleepy eyes
It's hard to see you dreaming
You hide inside yourself
I wondered what you're thinkin'
And everything you're chasing
It seems to leave you empty
And it won't take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you've learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me
But your eyes look away
It's so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away
You drown in deeper oceans
Inventing new religions
They smile and stab my back and
I lie and have to laugh
Full Forever
“Did you lot see the moon last night? Whooo, boy, it sure explains all the loonies!”
“Aw, Ted, don’t blame it on the moon! It’s so romantic! Candle lit dinners? Walks on the beach? Ugh, why can't the moon stay full forever?”
“Now, now, Laurie, I’m pretty sure not everyone would agree with you on that…”
“Now why not, Ted?” Remus Lupin asked the news anchor in a rhetorical tone, sinking into the cushions of the couch. Emmeline snorted as she shifted under the blanket around her shoulders, lifting it to put it around Remus as well. His arm slid around her waist and pulled her close before leaning all his weight onto her. Emmeline grunted as she basically fell back on the couch, Remus lying quite heavily on top of her. He lifted his chin, looking thoughtful, “Could it be that the world would be overrun by werewolves?”
“No, I think it’s all the assholes who use it as an excuse to run rampant through the streets,” Emmeline countered, smoothing down his hair before looking back at the telly. Remus sighed and they wiggled oddly under the blanket, trying not to fall off the couch and find a comfortable position.
She’d arrived at around six in the evening, not wanting to interrupt any rituals Remus and the boys (they were out of school more than a year now, and she still referred to them as the boys) had for his day after the full moon. As much as Emmeline wanted to be involved, because she felt quite useless during this time of the month, she never asked Remus, Sirius, James, or Peter what went on. It was theirs, and she was in no place to interfere.
Of course, it drove her crazy for a few days after the moon, but that was the inquisitive Ravenclaw in her, which Emmeline had much experience in suppressing.
Even though she didn’t know what the boys did, she was glad that she was able to give Remus some comfort the day after his transformation, even if they usually just ended up falling asleep on the couch. In the first few months she’d wanted to get potions to help the soreness, read a ton of books to learn of symptoms, treatments (maybe she’d even looked at research papers, things that were supposed to help lyncanthropy---), but Emmeline had learned that it was just easier to simply be there. Remus was a simple man; he didn’t need or want much, so she gave him the little he asked for, which she was happy to oblige with.
“Sorry about all that, by the way,” he said softly, slowly, and Emmeline could tell he was ready to doze off again, “I know how much you love those moonlit strolls along the shore...”
“Oh, yes,” she murmured as he nestled his head in her shoulder, and Emmeline managed to pull the blanket comfortably over their bodies again. “I hate you, you know. Ruining all my fantasies.”
“I’m a terrible person…”
“The worst.”
And I've had to fight
Another blurred affair tonight
Eyelids wrestle once again
Never gonna see my friend
Guided by the blinding white
Have you left home in spite
Knowing I'm alone tonight
Waiting for the light of day
Doesn't matter anyway
Something that I need to say
And I've gone underground
Never hangin' round
Should have made it back again
Why can't the moon stay full forever
Wednesday's bad but Friday's ain't much better (Someone's hell)
Why can't the moon stay full forever
Right now she's got nothin' on her mind
Will this neverland
Free me from its clutching hand
It won't release me
Acoustic #3
They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
Iris
“I love you.”
“Is that as terrifying to you as I think it is?”
Emmeline grinned as Remus shook his head, then nodded, and then smiled. It had been a long few days, the death of his mother still lying quite heavily on both of their shoulders. Emmeline hadn’t left his side since he told her the truth about her disappearance, and this morning they’d found themselves sitting cross legged under the sheets, their wands lighting up the tent like a pair of eight-year-olds telling ghost stories. Which, they kind of were. The light streaming into the room was enough to wake her, even though she’d already woken up a few times because of the sunlight already that morning. Remus had stayed asleep (though maybe he was feigning it like she had been), so it could easily have been three in the afternoon when they both finally woke.
They’d said their ‘good mornings/afternoons’, and it led into a conversation about the latest they’d ever slept-in (two in the afternoon for Emmeline, and eight in the evening for Remus---and that wasn’t the morning after the full moon, “Thank my roommates”). Of course, that had led to questioning about what on earth could they have been doing the night before, but Remus solemnly swore he could not reveal such information, which led to prodding and poking and tickling, and after forfeiting (for he was stronger than her, she couldn’t deny that) Emmeline had found herself on the end of the bed.
“Sorry for yelling it at you, by the way, that’s not the best way to go about it.”
“That’s okay. Me too. For just saying it and---well, me too about the whole---I love you part. Too. I love you too.”
“We’re bad at this. Should I say something romantic to make up for it?”
“If you want, I’m not too hard to impress…hey, don’t laugh!”
It wasn’t like they’d had anything to do, so sitting and talking under the sheets wasn’t messing with anyone’s agenda. Emmeline wondered that, if she ever did find a job she wanted to settle in, if she’d have time for things like this again. Because in her mind, the perfect job for her would keep her busy twenty-four/seven, because then she wouldn’t be given a chance to get tired of it. She didn’t necessarily want it, she wanted to one day actually grow up like a normal person (haa), with a house and family and all that good stuff, but it was quite hard to imagine. So, Emmeline hoped she’d somehow manage it, but if it didn’t work out that way, then, she supposed she’d have to settle with it.
She found herself preoccupied with this; she should know by now what she wanted to do with her life. She hated whining about it, which was why she rarely did, publicly, but Emmeline hated not knowing what to do next. Which was why she found it so…not strange, not odd, but it was almost confusing that she’d allowed herself to get so deep with Remus. His future was more unpredictable than hers would ever be, and there she was, spending days upon days with him to make sure that he was alright, to be there for him because he wanted her there and she wanted to be there. Emmeline couldn’t understand how her very logically, must make sure things are in order, brain (who was right so often that Emmeline rarely questioned its decisions---a mind of its own, really) could have allowed her to get involved with a person whose life was the very definition of entropy.
“Hrm…you’re…the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be?”
A smile slid onto her face, and her brain cackled ‘see, I know what I’m doing,’ and Emmeline titled her head almost to her shoulder, hand reaching out and grabbing onto Remus’ shirt to pull him close.
“That was the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard,” she murmured before kissing him soundly.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
Extra Pale
Extra pale
Oh you're frail now
I shouldn't laugh about it
Tragedy sets you free but
I should have known it from the start
I should have known that it was
Just another sequel
Just another reason for you
How's your day
Did it go your way but
You never ask about it
All the things I wish I'd be
I should have known it from the start
I should have known that it was
Just another sequel
Just another reason for you
Just another sequel
Just another reason for your sighs
Hate This Place
Gone away
Who knows where you been
You take all your lies
And wish them all away
I somehow doubt
We'll ever be the same
There's too much poison
And confusion on your face
Can you feel it
I didn't mean it
Can I see you
What are we doin'
I think I love you
but I ain't sayin' nothin' you don't know
Hold on dreamaway
You're my sweet charade
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