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Sunday, March 9th, 2008
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8:40p - to whom it may concern
I've come to realise it really does not matter if doctors diagnose me as DID or not.. If what I find is helpful to me, it helps and that's it. I don't care who "believes" me or not.. I'm still going to have it.
It's just that it makes me a bit quirky.. Quirky can sometimes be good.. But I never, never asked to be like this.. I never asked dissociation to come and save me, but it did. And I'm alive. Struggling, but alive. It's sometimes good, but there are days when I truly wish I wasn't like this, that all these thoughts racing through my head could stop.. but I can't stop them.
And losing time.. Well.. Maybe I will always be lost in time.. And if that's what I've got to face, then I'll try and learn to deal with it.
Sometimes it feels like this is all too much, that it would just be better if I stopped existing, and killed all the others as well, or found a way to kill the others and save me, but sometimes I wonder, if I even exist.
I want this book. And all books concerning DID. And I've always got PC, that's a start too..
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ohh screw it all..... cassie
current mood:  wanna be safe.
current music: bobby mcferrin - 23rd psalm (comment on this)
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