BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE THE FERNANDO 'STACHE! IT'S AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE LOOK, OKAY?

Dude, if you do this for me, I'll get you that new...uh...tea kettle you want. Or was it a ceramic kitten? ...a vase?

WHATEVER IT IS, MAN, YOU'VE GOT IT. JUST GET HER OUT OF HERE.

Oh shit she's looking at me.

you know what? i will go get this woman, and in exchange, you are removing Alucard from our family plan.

Awww, man. But if I do that, who's going to send me picture messages of that hot waitress at McDonald's while he gets me the Oreo McFlurries that you won't let me have?

Uhh...

HEY, LOOK AT THE TIME.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HavE NICE THINGS

WHATEVER. SOMEDAY YOU'LL BE OLD AND YOU'LL SEE. WITH COCKBLOCK MCGEE OVER HERE THE ONLY JOY I HAVE IS MY MCFLURRIES.

SHIT WHY IS SHE STILL LOOKING AT ME.

I am going to make tea and pretend this conversation never happened. And when I escort your 'friend' out of your presence, you're going to cancel Alucard's services on our plan.

Or I will kill you.

Jeez, who got your panties in a wad? Was it Alucard? HAHA did he make you wear the little pink ones again? omg brb texting him.

He said they were the blue ones. Sent me a picture message. I like the pink ones better.