love is just a dialogue - February 2nd, 2010 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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February 2nd, 2010

[Feb. 2nd, 2010|04:39 pm]
[Current Mood | annoyed]
[Current Music |'Happy Now?' - No Doubt]

I feel like I'm fighting myself all the time.

I know it's probably just the return of my old friend, Self-Sabotage (we go way back), but it's harder now.

Because this time it counts.

It matters.

It's like:

I've been crusing through school for so long and now I can't - a PhD just won't let you - and I have to undo the way I do everything and start again.

And I don't know if I can do it.

I mean, if I try - if I actually try ... what if it isn't good enough? It might not be. It really might not be.

That's -

it's terrifying.

And I feel like I'm stuck in this place between doing and not-doing, knowing and not-knowing.
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