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Letter after finding out about Emma!
Dear Miss Meredith Betsy Fielding Dobbs,

I realize you must be—very, very upset with me this morning, for when you broke the news. I am sorry—really, I am. I know I probably didn't react in the best way when you told me you were pregnant. It's just that… I was caught so off-guard that I didn't quite know how to react… or be supportive, in the least. I mean, I know I probably shouldn't be surprised, since we've sort of… you know, done the thing wherein you can expect children at some point in your lives (many times), but I never actually expected it to happen for a good long while.

Now, don't get me wrong. You know when we talked about it, I said kids were in the cards someday. I just didn't realize someday was… today.

I just got scared. The world hasn't exactly proven to be a particularly kind place to be. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I haven't exactly been desensitized to the menaces this place is home to. The thought of purposely, willingly, bringing someone into this world struck me as a selfish and mean thing to do for a long time. And I always hoped I would be proved wrong, which I think I was when I found you. Because if I hadn't, I was going to a bad place, and you were the one, the only one, who pulled me back. I like to think of you as my one strong, resilient, gravity-defying planet in the midst of a big black hole—and laugh all you want, but that's a damn good metaphor for it. But just because I was lucky enough to be given an escape doesn't mean every one else is.

What if I can't protect the kid, Mer? What if I screw up? What if I actually am what he or she needs to be protected from? Maybe that's what terrifies me more, the fact that you never have to find out if you're a failure or not if you don't try something. What happens if I make a mistake? What happens when I'm not good enough, or do the wrong thing, or can't be supportive? Am I really responsible enough to take care you, let alone a baby?

I guess what this all—obviously—boils down to is I'm not ready to be a father.

Or at least, I didn't think I was.

But I've got you. And look at you, you're gonna be the best mum in the entire world—so if I've got you with me, how can I possibly do poorly? So if there was anyone I had to do this with, it would be you. It is you, and you know what? It's gonna be the best ride ever. Ups and downs, loops and turns included. Because you and me? If we're together, I think we can do just about anything. I can do just about anything.

And that is going to be one damn good-looking kid.

Love you—love, love, love,
Derek