| -&& fourteen ღツ |
[31 Mar 2008|03:06am] |
I kept promising to post this, so here it is finally. My ring that Shay proposed to me with for people to see. :]]] Heads up, taken with a phone so not all that great. Plus there are seven so be careful! LJ cut is being funny, I will try to fix it later. It's late and Shay is fussing I need to be to bed.
( here be da pictures thnx. )
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| -&& fifteen ღツ |
[31 Mar 2008|10:57am] |
You know what's hard to do sometimes? Just let go. Let go of everything and realize all you did was waste your time. Waste your emotions and yourself on something that no matter what you did, never worked. Was never good enough. It's hard to just let go of years of friendship without trying to fight for it. But it's hard to be the only one fighting and the only one period when you're trying to get a group back. That's the lessons in life though. Teaching you and culturing you through lessons and trials. So I chalk this one up, make my peace with it and move on with life but keep the memories.
I'm extremly glad all contact is finally cut. At least I hope they adhere to it and stop stalking me or having their friends stalk me. It's really creepy and unsettling. And them doing it then calling is starting shit because it pisses me off, but no contact so I can't say anything, but Shay says I need to stop just taking all this shit. So I finally said something. I went off and was done with it. Everything of theirs is gone from all my messengers, and my life. I feels better, having nothing reminding me anymore. There's always the memories, but nothing else.
For the life of me I couldn't get to sleep yesterday. At all. Shay fussed at me a bit for it. I didn't end up passing out until it was after 4 am. I'm just so frazzled about it all. Everything that hit me yesterday. Frazzled that people want to tell me how well I know someone and what they would or wouldn't do. Confused as to how this vicious circle keeps happening and why. Take things as they come though. Those things aren't the issue, nor should I be spending my time thinking about it all.
I feel like I missed out a lot on life due to the way I was in highschool lately. I'm active and go out a lot but I don't know how to just let loose and have fun. Which is why I like this quote so much. "High School is like the first chapter of your life story that takes years to finish. So why wait until the last chapter to make your life count when you can start making it worth while now. Don't waste your time on people that dont treat you right and dont miss out on the moments that you will charish forever. Keep your true friends close and dont let go because you never know whats gonna be on the next page. Always remember that your life story takes years to make but only seconds to end. So forget about what other people think of you and be who you truely are because once you've written your novel theres no erasing it. "
Starting today I'm starting to take the small steps to stop being so closed off and start being the person I am more often instead of scared and putting up a front. I've said it a lot, and made small steps all along. But they have to carry over to my actions now, not just me talking. I need to be more spontanious and scared of being hurt again. Because all that's doing is pushing away the wonderful people I have in my life. I really do love all of you. You stand by me through all the shit in my life and help me where you can. I really have the most amazing friends in the world. And the most amazing man as my fiance. Thank you all.
I'm gonna go for a run now though and do some of my sit ups and push ups. Today's a new day, and I'm gonna make a fresh new start for life. :D Hope everyone else is having a awesome day and is doing great. I'll try to post something later if I can.
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| -&& sixteen ღツ |
[31 Mar 2008|11:50pm] |
Today has really been a great day. Seriously. I am so happy with everything that's gone on today. I've made some really awesome new friends who though I've just met them I already love them dearly because they even without having ever spoken to me before have given me more support and reassurance then I could have ever imagined. So to my new friends on scribbld. Thank you. Thank you for being an awesome group and wonderful people.
Aside from that, I started playing a really sweet game, it's kinda Final Fantasy style, but has a lot of good quotes and philosophy. It's called Lost Odessy or something like that. I really enjoy it though, it's a really fun game and the dream sequences he goes through have such poetic and beautiful ways of looking at life that are really true. It makes me want to go to a party and spark up conversations about it while enjoying a drink to probe peoples minds on their theories and bounce ideas off each other. That's something I miss doing. I loved doing that in Texas, going to a party and talk about life, death, religion and everything with random people and people I knew. It's rewarding to learn what others see and feel along with share your own beliefs or things you agree with.
Shay has that interview tomorrow, I'm really excited for him. Though work is gonna start sucking when mom leaves and I'm there alone with no one to talk to. However, dad is taking my car in tomorrow for an estimate to get the few facial damages fixed and my anti-lock brakes. I'm kinda skiddish because he always fusses it's not being taken care of good enough when it's basic wear and tear or things I didn't do. I don't wanna fight with him before they go on this trip and I'm worried he will try to. He always does, but then again most of that is my fault as well due to how I react to him. He's doing great with his weight loss though. I'm so proud of him and happy he finally did this. (Now if only I could do as well as he is... I wanna lose weight too! D:)
A quick side note. Some people seem to still be repeating everything I say. Yes, this is a mostly public journal, but seriously, leave me alone please? Be it the people that are getting the information or the ones giving it. All you're doing is stirring up more drama and causing everyone else to be miserable. I'm really tired of it, so please, just leave it alone. If you want to be my friend, be my friend, if you only can be theirs, that's cool. Just either leave me alone or let it all go and stop adding to it. Finne with that right there.
I'm out of code red, that makes me sad. It helps get my cramps to lessen. And they have been pretty bad this time. I think it's more from emotional issues and stress from drama. Hopefully soon it will all be settled. I'm thinking my next day off after a week straight of work I'm going go see my horse. I miss spending time with him, it was always relaxing. I wanna try to see if I can't get some friends together to go out there with me. I love teaching people about horses or riding or even just showing them around. I'm proud of what I know and then being able to share it. Be it showing around town, sharing memories, or teaching them something new. It's a great feeling to express my talents and abilities and bounce them off other people and learn theirs. Learning new things is seriously an awesome feeling. Life is all about learning and I really hope to absorb all I can and be very well rounded in the end. :]]
I'm all rambled out though. I'll post some more later. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful day/night and continues to do so. && that it hopefully will finally stop snowing and being bi-polar weather nation wide! Come on sun and summer!
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