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-&& fifteen ღツ
You know what's hard to do sometimes? Just let go. Let go of everything and realize all you did was waste your time. Waste your emotions and yourself on something that no matter what you did, never worked. Was never good enough. It's hard to just let go of years of friendship without trying to fight for it. But it's hard to be the only one fighting and the only one period when you're trying to get a group back. That's the lessons in life though. Teaching you and culturing you through lessons and trials. So I chalk this one up, make my peace with it and move on with life but keep the memories.

I'm extremly glad all contact is finally cut. At least I hope they adhere to it and stop stalking me or having their friends stalk me. It's really creepy and unsettling. And them doing it then calling is starting shit because it pisses me off, but no contact so I can't say anything, but Shay says I need to stop just taking all this shit. So I finally said something. I went off and was done with it. Everything of theirs is gone from all my messengers, and my life. I feels better, having nothing reminding me anymore. There's always the memories, but nothing else.

For the life of me I couldn't get to sleep yesterday. At all. Shay fussed at me a bit for it. I didn't end up passing out until it was after 4 am. I'm just so frazzled about it all. Everything that hit me yesterday. Frazzled that people want to tell me how well I know someone and what they would or wouldn't do. Confused as to how this vicious circle keeps happening and why. Take things as they come though. Those things aren't the issue, nor should I be spending my time thinking about it all.

I feel like I missed out a lot on life due to the way I was in highschool lately. I'm active and go out a lot but I don't know how to just let loose and have fun. Which is why I like this quote so much. "High School is like the first chapter of your life story that takes years to finish. So why wait until the last chapter to make your life count when you can start making it worth while now. Don't waste your time on people that dont treat you right and dont miss out on the moments that you will charish forever. Keep your true friends close and dont let go because you never know whats gonna be on the next page. Always remember that your life story takes years to make but only seconds to end. So forget about what other people think of you and be who you truely are because once you've written your novel theres no erasing it. "

Starting today I'm starting to take the small steps to stop being so closed off and start being the person I am more often instead of scared and putting up a front. I've said it a lot, and made small steps all along. But they have to carry over to my actions now, not just me talking. I need to be more spontanious and scared of being hurt again. Because all that's doing is pushing away the wonderful people I have in my life. I really do love all of you. You stand by me through all the shit in my life and help me where you can. I really have the most amazing friends in the world. And the most amazing man as my fiance. Thank you all.

I'm gonna go for a run now though and do some of my sit ups and push ups. Today's a new day, and I'm gonna make a fresh new start for life. :D Hope everyone else is having a awesome day and is doing great. I'll try to post something later if I can.