Note To Self... [07 Oct 2004|08:55am] To hard reboot 4th Gen hold Menu and the middle Selection button. Thank you... post comment

I'm Ok, I Promise. [07 Oct 2004|08:55am] Alright well I just wrong a semi-long ass entry but then I restarted the computer and forgot about the entry, WOOPS! Anyways, it was basically explaining about how awesome of a friend Jamie is to me, and that I love having her as a friend. She makes me happy no matter how shitty of a mood I am in. And how I found it odd that in the 4 years I've known her she's been mad or sad like 3 times total. She's always happy and fun to be around! I love it. Anyways, also explained how I talked to michelle for a little and how she didn't go to see Hilary Duff...getting me all exceited...eeesh! Talking to Shelly now, of whom I haven't spoken to in like 2 months.Getting the low down on everything with her. She's another person who can make you happy no matter what :) So then in my deleted entry I explained how I was going to give up on Sam and Jimmy cause since I can try alone and that it's pointless when things are like this, FUCK IT...I tried...I failed...FUCK! :X :X :X! Then I explained something more about Jamie I think...and how amazing she is...hahaha and now I feel a little better...goodnight... post comment

I Hate Loving You. [07 Oct 2004|08:56am] Your smile left me satified. Your touch made me fall in love. Breaking my heart destroyed me. I try to stop loving you. But it hurts. This pain is slowly killing me in many ways. post comment

I'm Horrid... [07 Oct 2004|08:56am] I'm pretty pathetic that I can't get over you as fast as you got over me. ;x post comment

Think... [07 Oct 2004|08:56am] I think about her everyday. I think about how there's nothing I can to get together. I think about how I am now just left behind old and incomplete. I'm not having fun...I feel a lump in the back of my throut, I feel lost, confused, unwanted, unloved. Nothing ever works out, it was just luck. Should I place my hands in the foutain of luck again or have I lost this battle...I can't feel anything anymore, everything has turned grey. This world, is binary. You're either a 1 or 0. You can only imagine what I am right now. I have kept my feelings inside for so long, it's starting to snap at the seams. I'm going to be smashed to pieces soon, I left so much love and trust behind but now it's dust. I withering away, I'm weak, I love you still so much, but it's not worth my time since I have a meaningless say. It wasn't strong enough and it's broke. I can't fix anything, I've tried. Let it burn away. If I died tonight, life would end, my love for you wouldn't. I can't bare to look at these pictures anymore, smiles, laughter, having fun...I envy the past. I envy those nights, days, mornings...what's the point...what's the value, what's it mean? the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more. the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row it seems farther than ever before oh no. i need you so much closer. These wrists bleed for you tonight. tonight i'd rather be in love. i'd rather it be you flowing through my heart. Scraping through my veins, my every vein, And you cling to every breath that clings to me. i couldn't call you if i wanted. my fingers couldn't work if they tried. theyre so sore from keeping crossed and tracing over cuts on my worthless arms if i said i hated that feeling, it would be a lie. i live in notes and photographs and everything i'm holding back like all the words that weren't enough you remind me of a song i used to love Another night again Another journey without friends Another fight to wish away the loneliness I live Another circus show Another face that I don’t know Another night of people asking what I have to give Everything seems great, and everyone is fake . I cry for you tonight. If all I am is distraction for you Then I can't complain That you can't feel something for me Take all you can find in me. I died for you tonight. post comment

Kill Me Please. [07 Oct 2004|08:56am] Life, is floating fast away. But I look, your head is turned away. From the moment you left I knew that something wasn't right. But the feeling inside has kept me up all night. You and me are like one heart-beat. So slice open my veins. And let, the romance bleed away. Back into I thought I knew, these words inside me, tell me what to do. My heart held, in the palm of your hand. (Forget my name)Now I know, the way to go, this place inside my demented mind. (Forget my name)You saw me bleeding on the bathroom floor. (Forget my name)This time in silence, this time I win. post comment

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