I love my job (#1), truly I do, but lately I've been feeling utterly paralyzed when trying to make a decision.

Ad sales can hand me a new sponsored group to make, and I make it - no problems. I get paid rather handsomely to copy-and-paste the same message on several groups to drive traffic to the sponsored ones. No problem. Can do that while watching How I Met Your Mother.

But dealing with the group owners and handling this assistant manager stuff - I cringe. I freak. I freeze. My mind goes blank and will only spit out a few nonsensical words. I did this for YEARS, managing our volunteers. Complaints come in and I want to tell those complaining to just go fuck off. Group owners are also volunteers, just not vetted by me at all. I still need to be the one to guide and advise and correct when they go off the rails or try to rule with an iron fist. But I'm feeling at a complete loss for words other than, "shape up or ship out."

I have to do reviews for my two employees. I've done them already, actually, and tomorrow I'll go over them with my boss to see where I can improve in the writing of them, but I'm sure I'm *missing* something. Something that everyone else would look at me and think/say, "How could you forget THAT? Duh!"

Paralyzed, I'm telling you. Practically panic attacks. Something new will come in that I have to handle like that and I tear up, my heart beats fast...panic attack right?

Only I can talk myself through them and I did talk to my boss today who reassured me like she always has.

Dammit, I've been doing this job (most of it) for going on ten years! Why am I suddenly dead-in-the-brain over it?

I'm feeling miserable and pressured and I'm struggling to stay in my weekly hours limit and still get everything done.

And the kids being home today just put that much more pressure on it. Thank goodness they are out the door tomorrow.

And on job #2? FAIL. I am supposed to do a newsletter link on Mondays and I totally spaced it. Didn't check in until this evening. d'oh. **Facepalm** Having the kids home totally knocked me off kilter. Not helping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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There's typically a staff meeting at 9am (Pacific) on Tuesdays but they've put it off until Wednesday so everyone can watch the Inaugaration instead. I expect I'll be snuggled back in bed, watching it from there. OMG, less than a day left!

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I'm pretty sure my most recent anxiety today has to do with the time of the month. Even though the sun has been shining the last several days, I'm feeling dragged down and gloomy. My boobs are starting to feel sore. I have chocolate in my purse and shall indulge later when children are abed.

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Before I forget any longer, thank you to everyone who made WW2 movie suggestions. I'll peruse them!

I have chocolate.

I have cheese and crackers, even.

I have a stack of Fix zines to read.

I have borrowed a copy of "Ishmael" from the Star Trek series. (woo hoo, HCTB alert!)

I have received a gift card to Lush for my birthday from neaslon!

The external drive works perfectly on the new, faster desktop computer. Made Lightscribe labels with no issue whatsoever.

I have chocolate. With almonds.

And a stack of Fix zines.