Ok the calling hours for my great-uncle were yesterday. I had every intention of going until about 7pm, the hours were from 6-8pm, then it hit me I couldn't face the casket and I couldn't face my other relatives on my mom's side. I feel so horrible for not going but I just couldn't do it; I couldn't do another funeral/calling hour. I have cried and it has gotten to the point of where I can't cry anymore. I have so many emotions that need to be let out and the only thing I can do is cry until I feel dizzy or ready to throw up.

I will probably end up going down to Toby's house to see him since, because of the weather, I haven't been able to see him as much as I have wanted to. I am still saving up for my Xbox; I let my sister borrow $50, which I'll get back here in the next week or so, but I sold a purse to my mom for $10, Mandy gave me $15 for the cupcakes I made her, my brother gave me $20 for taking him to Wal-mart, and then he let me keep the change from taking him to Taco bell and getting him some more beer from Speedway which was an extra $7. So I have $52 and some change that needs to be bought plus I have the $ that my brother gave my dad for "rent" and I have no idea as to how dad wants that set up it changes about every week. Normally $100 goes in my account and $25-50 goes in his but last week he also got paid so he had me put $920 in my account to cover the house payment and the other 4 bills we had and I'm not sure how he wants it done. Though I'm kicking myself because I never thought to use Ebay until tonight when I found a brand new still in the box Elite for $0.99 and free shipping that was ending in a few hours. Now if only I had the money in my paypal account to actually get it.

I am thinking about getting my hair re-permed but this time I'm going to head to the salon that my fiance and his family uses because his niece got a perm there and she had the really tight ringlets that I really want.Not too mention my first perm fell out because my original salon didn't tell me not to wash it for 28-48 hours. So I want to get tighter curls this time around and since I'm engaged to Toby I'm hoping to get some what of a discount but if not its not supposed to be highly expensive either. So now I need to get more than what I originally needed in order to get my perm also.

So when I get a better idea of how much I am going to need then I can finally start being able to deduct from my total again.

I also had a horribly weird and very scarring dream last night. On the Myspace login page they have that movie preview with Seth Rogan and Anna Faris I think it's called Observe and Report; well anyway I had a dream that I was being horribly abused by Seth Rogan's character and then in swoops the Cullen family, which really made me go WTF!, and they saved the day. I remembered having my mouth duct taped, my hands were chained to an anchor on the floor which allowed me to move them a little bit, my feet were also chained and I was cut all over and bleeding and had crusted blood all over the place and his (Rogan's) character was standing over me getting ready to hit me and that's when the Cullen's showed up and "saved" the day.

Yeah totally fucked up. I have no idea where my subconscious came up with that odd combination. Needless to say I was awoken very early and haven't been able to sleep even now. Though I should probably head to bed since Dad will probably want me to head to the bank and they close at noon....I hope I'm up before then and I hope dad is home by then.

So I'm gonna head out and check on something before I head to bed.

Ta.