redux (redux) wrote,
@ 2010-10-31 17:26:00

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Lotte

Vital Statistics

Full Name: Charlotte Ruth Karsten

Age: 19
Birth Date: 4/7/90 (Story takes place in 2009)
Birthplace: Rhode Island
Citizenship: American

Location: New York City
Residence: Marie's Building
Occupation: NYC Ballet inter

Personality

First Impression:

Restraint is the first word that comes to mind when studying Lotte. She’s constantly working to appear likeable and ‘normal’. While she’s not the most intelligent girl in the world, Lotte can think fast and uses that to her advantage. She studies those around her, trying to fill the niche needed and be someone that can be relied on and wanted around. As a result, she can appear overeager to help others and give off a slightly too cheerful personality.

Lotte is an actress though and not everyone knows and realizes that. Most of what she does is to please those around her and she has a strong desire to be obedient and led along. She’s not someone who takes charge and leads events – at least, not willingly. There’s little protest when someone of a ‘higher’ level asks her to do something. How can she protest when things are taken out of her hands and life becomes easier on her end? She sees nothing wrong or less-feministic about being compliant, nor does she believe herself immature because of this. This is in the grand scheme of things – individually and for little matters, Lotte can think for herself. She just doesn’t want to, as it requires more effort, than she usually wants to give.

Despite the fact that she’s travelled across the country and seen many things, Lotte does view the world in black and white. People are either good or bad; and there is always more good people than bad people. She dislikes the complicated things which fall outside her easy spectrum – the grays, the good hearted people who are led to do bad things, the murderers who leave flowers on their victim’s grave. People are either one or the other and that’s that for Lotte. Otherwise, she ignores it as much as possible, such as with James' profession. She refuses to talk about it or even that it exists. It may or may not be one of the reasons why her relationship with James' is complicated recently. This is an immature trait of Lotte’s; time and experience is an easy cure for it.

Beneath her restraint and mask to the world, Lotte has a massive imagination and a love for the arts. However, it has become fragile over the years and it’s difficult to get her to open up about her inner thoughts. More specifically, she has trouble allowing herself to dream. After being classified as ‘crazy’ due to her overactive imagination, she was turned off the worlds of fantasy and make-believe. The potential and beginning thoughts are still there – Lotte simply shuts her mind down or meditates when this happens, preventing further developments. She’s terrified of appearing as anything other than normal. Unfortunately, her imagination and wonderings don’t fit that shape in other’s minds. As a result, she keeps most fantastical thoughts to herself and tries to stop them from even occurring. The pills she takes because of her auditory hallucinations help with this as they tend to mellow her out, making using her imagination near impossible.

Her love of music is harder to crush. While she has little desire to sing anymore and rarely can bring herself to sing, Lotte still is comforted by the music she hears everywhere. She’s not picky about taste, loving genres from jazz to opera. Musicals are a favorite and she has a massive collection of tapes (not CDS, not mp3s, actual cassette tapes) of her favorite tunes. She doesn’t sing and doesn’t listen, but collects. It’s one of her stranger habits. She can’t bring herself to listen to them, but is comforted by her collection.

Her ballet dancing is something she does somewhat dispassionately. It’s an outlet and a hobby, but she doesn’t necessarily enjoy it. Despite this she continues as she doesn’t want to upset her instructors and Valerie, her foster mom. It’s an exercise in restraint and she is somewhat proud, that’s she’s progressed so far. She’d just like to be done with it eventually; dancing has never felt right to her. What she’d do other than something in the world of ballet is a little beyond her. There’s a small, microscopic urge, to sing again…but she is rarely able to bring herself to sing, depression or imagination going wild when she does. Besides, after the fiasco in sixth grade…well, she has a bit of stage fright. More specifically: a fear of the spotlight.

Lotte does just fine on a stage, surrounded by others. The focus has to not be on her though, otherwise she freezes up. There’s a fear, ever since she was little, about having all the attention on her. She prefers to be the side part, a second thought, or part of a whole. It’s safer that way and with less, specific attention. That’s not to say that she’s disturbed when people attend a show only for her, as her foster mom does. It’s when a large amount of people, especially those she doesn’t know, does that. It makes her self-conscious and brings about her fear. To be noted here – she doesn’t understand the wish by some other girls who had stage fright ‘to fall into a hole and disappear’ as it bothers her. She doesn’t know why, but she assumes that it wouldn’t be nice.

Her fear of performing solo isn’t Lotte’s only fear though. Lotte’s terrified of many things and it’s one of those aspects of her personality that she can’t hide however much she tries. Her are incredibly consuming and have made her somewhat paranoid. She can’t fall asleep without a light on and she always checks under her bed before getting in. She checks her locks, always carries a cell phone, and extra pills. People whom she cares about and have grown close to over the years tend to fall under her paranoia radar as well. She will worry and fear for anyone close to her and dislikes seeing others hurt.

The word ‘schadenfreude’ is completely foreign to Lotte. She’s one of the few who doesn’t wish ill on the people who make life difficult for her. (She doesn’t currently view anyone as an enemy, simply because of experience. This could change, under the right circumstances.) While she realizes that most people don’t feel like this – she can’t help it. She cares, perhaps too much, about the world around her. Even a slight joke that’s meant in fun can be over the line to her. Didn’t you make sure no one was near?

Her desire to look out for those around her is linked to her own, repressed depression. Lotte never completely got over her father’s death. Yes, there was the therapy a year later…and she convinced everyone else afterward that she was fine. But Lotte still grieves his loss and idolizes him, post-mortem, as she did when she was a child. It’s part of the reasoning of her restraint and worrying about others – she doesn’t want to appear weak and be left alone by those around her. Nor does she want anything bad to happen to those she cares about.

Likes:
Dislikes:
Fears: Everything
Religion: Atheist

Appearance

Gender: Female
Nationality: German

Height: 5'1''
Weight: 100 lbs.
Build: Slight
Eyes: Hazel
Hair: Blonde
Skin: Pale

Wardrobe:

Distinguishing Marks:

Manner of Speech:

General Presence:

Relationships

Orientation: Heterosexual
Status: Single
Significant Other: N/A
Children: N/A
Past Love(s):
Crush(es): Jack, eventually.

Parents: Henry Karsten and Amelia Blair-Karsten (Both deceased)
Sibling(s): N/A
Relatives: None worth mentioning

Best Friend(s): Bridget, as failtastic as she is.
Friends: Mandy, Andy (wtf rhyming names), Jack...?
Acquaintances: Isaac

Ambiguous: Seb, Roshan
Disliked: TOMAS :|
Enemies: TOMAS :|

Pets: N/A?

History

Six days after Lotte was born, her mother died from complications of childbirth. When people asked what happened to her mother, Lotte would simply shrug her shoulders moving on. She never truly missed her mother having never known her. Her father was the only person she wanted during those early years; he was more than enough of a parent for Lotte.

Henry Karsten was an imaginative man, who lived more in fantasy then reality. People whispered that he was off his rocker – but no one doubted that he didn’t love his daughter and wife. Lotte became everything for him after Jean died, though he sunk further into his worlds of magic and music. Lotte followed him, never realizing that most little girls didn’t follow their fathers everywhere they went. He gave music lessons, sometimes performing in public. Though there was always in look of his eye of not being quite grounded, he had an energy that was compelling. Lotte was always at his side, often accompanying or jumping in with her voice and ideas.

They never stayed in one place for long, constantly on the move. By the time Lotte was six, she’d been to forty-seven states (only needing Alaska, Hawaii, and Wisconsin), had never attended school in a formal setting, and knew more about music than most people did in their entire lifetime. She never minded and neither did her father. So what if they couldn’t always afford a hotel room? Living in their car wasn’t so bad. And if to pay for food and violin repairs, they had to sell the car well…it worked out eventually!

Eventually someone called the police about the man and young girl curled up in the alley. They were put in subsidized housing; Lotte was made to go to school because her father’s tutelage was considered ‘insufficient’. (So what, if she couldn’t read? She could read music which was more important.) Henry was given a job in a factory, though he still taught a few violin lessons on the side.

Lotte hated school and the new place to live. She had always been happy to be on the go, to travel and meet new people. Yes, there were new people where she was, but what good was that? They were just going to stay the same. Years later, she’d regret this mindset as she clung to the few who she knew growing up – but at the time, she was bored easily and eager for any new distraction.

About a year after they’d settled in, an accident happened at the factory. No one was sure what happened. A rumor went by that one of the machines had been tampered with; Henry was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. A few whispered that his daydreaming caused the accident. Lotte refused to listen to any of these, even years later.

As the Karstens were already under governmental scrutiny, Lotte was promptly put in the foster care system. Lotte was formerly a bright, lively girl with an imagination on par with her father’s – but his death changed things. She became quieter and more secluded. The first family she was with didn’t know how to deal with her mourning, nor the way that she seemed to talk to herself under her breath. She whispered stories to herself constantly, singing scraps of songs that she could barely remember, as they were already starting to slip away. She lasted two months with the first family, six months with the second, and the third ended up lucky – being just an old woman, Valerie, who was known for her no-nonsense ways.

While with Valerie, Lotte began to experience what her psychologist called ‘auditory hallucinations’. She basically heard voices – varied and often accented, though three in particular were reoccurring. A young man, a fatherly storyteller, and a dark voice. Each time she heard them, she could have sworn she recognized them and thought that they were ghosts – perhaps with a way to contact her father. They never talked to her though, or at least not directly. They spoke in the conversations that she couldn’t hear the other side of.

Stress and depression finally led to a mental breakdown. After locking herself in a stall in the girl’s bathroom at school and sobbing herself into a near-unconscious state, Valerie took her to a psychiatrist. Dr. Truman was nice had a nice collection of folk music. On the second visit, Lotte spilled all. Whispers began, prescriptions made, and Lotte was sent to visit Dr. Truman three days a week for the next six months.

She was told that the voices were a part of her imagination – just a way of voicing her inner thoughts. They weren’t there no matter what they thought. The kids at school whispered that she was crazy for talking to people who weren’t there. Lotte tried to convince the psychiatrist, Dr. Truman, that he was wrong but that didn’t last long. Peer pressure, Valerie’s evening ‘sit down chats’, and the constant looks from Dr. Truman finally made her gave in. Over those six months, she began to lose the things she was known for – her imagination, her stubbornness, and most importantly her desire to sing.

Sometimes, when she heard the voices they sang and she knew the words though her father had never taught her them as far as she knew. It bothered her to no end that she couldn’t figure it out – but it was the reason for some of the more varied pieces sung under her breath. She had sung for her father and for the voices, in order to connect with him again. With the loss of any final connection with her father, Lotte shut down. She became silent, only speaking when spoken to and saying little even then. She spent most of her time in the house with Valerie, avoiding the other, older kids in the home as much as possible.

Her grades in school picked up from C’s to B’s – Lotte was no genius, but having little else to do, she was able to apply herself more. She was quiet at school, on the outskirts of most things, often sitting quietly seemingly just listening. (It was amazing what meditation could look like to those who didn’t understand.) Valerie figured she needed a hobby by the time she was in third grade and signed her up for Elin Cavanaugh's ballet classes.

Valerie was right and ballet became an outlet for Lotte. She didn’t particularly enjoy it, but there was a certain aspect that made her push on to become the best at it she could. Like the other girls in the class, she complained about how sore her feet were and the strictness of certain rules. But she did it to fit in, liking the discipline, even if she wasn’t a fan of the art herself. Somehow, proving herself as being able to do it – something that Valerie was such a fan of – made her feel better. (Lotte taking these classes often involved Valerie living out through her, but she hardly minded.) She made friends, became chattier, and did what she could to not seem out of place. She finally made an effort to actually fit in.

((In particular, she made friends with Elin's daughter, James. The two became close friends, inseparable soon after. Lotte leaned on James as much as she did Valerie at that time – perhaps more so as time went by and Valerie let go of children, one by one till only Lotte remained at home. She had been the youngest and for some reason, Valerie’s favorite. Not that Lotte complained…or really meant her complaints, said off-handedly to dissuade the girls. But she never understood really understood why Valerie liked her so. Elin seemed pleased by the friendship as she soon waved all costs for Lotte, sponsoring her though all ballet-related endeavors.

Those later school years went by indistinguishably. Lotte was simply a bit happier then earlier and as a result fell under the radar more. She didn’t sing only sang where she couldn’t be heard, save for a horrible incident in the sixth grade which she refused to talk about. Ever. (Combine a fear of the spotlight with hearing voices for the first time in three years and your first solo. The results are messy.) She joined a choir, singing where her voice melded with others, refusing the spotlight on all occasions. While rising to one of the better dancers in Elin's classes, Lotte refused any dances that weren’t part of a ‘group’. Teachers commented that she seemed to have a fear of attention, but most brushed it off. Considering what the girl had gone through, she was sane wasn’t she? She should be left alone, she was doing fine.

Few knew that on occasion she still took the pills – especially when she feared an episode would come and interrupt something important. Prom, a big date, an audition. So what if she ended up more mellowed out and less alert? It prevented her paranoia from acting up.

After graduation, Lotte announced she wasn’t planning to attend college and few were surprised. Following James' lead (as she'd graduated a few years prior), she moved out of the suburbs and into New York. At the instigation of Valerie, Lotte applied for an internship at the New York City ballet. She got in surprising only herself. For some reason she was disappointed by this opportunity, but wouldn’t explain why.

She wasn’t the sort to voice her whims anymore anyway – and the two people who she would have, would either not support her or be impossible to talk to these days. So her excuses for standing in line for an audition as a back-up cast member on Broadway for five hours, then chickening out last minute are constantly at the ready.

Lotte had been in New York for nearly two years, when she decided she was ready for a change in housing. Her friend James told her about Bellum Letale and Lotte figured it would be better to be around someone she knew. She was given an amazing deal on a room on the upper floors, taking out a loan to pay for the larger and usually more expensive apartment. A corner of Lotte’s mind was drawn to the design of the building and the slight gothic air that her imagination would love to leap upon…but that’d be stupid. She wouldn’t want to have those voices bothering her again, would she? After all that’s what happens when she goes and imagines…

…so will someone explain why she’s hearing those voices again? Specifically, one of them? )))

[need to edit all of the above in paren]

Random Trivia

(trivia}

OOC Information

Played-By: Christina Ricci
Journal Lyrics: Dancing by Elisa
Layout Credit:

rp_tutorials
Disclaimer: Lotte's mind, Christina Ricci and Christine Daae or not, but the latter is public domain, boo yah.

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