So I should actually put something here. I have no idea how often I'll be using this but I think I might use it about as much as lj, do crossposts, start building up a nice place for me when lj goes down (because I think it will crash and burn sometime, this is why I backed up my journal entries cause I don't want to lose about 6 years of writing).
Anyone reading this is going to know me, unless they accidentally stumbled over this, so everyone will know I lost about 6 months of my life to a killer migraine that wouldn't leave. And that's how I feel, like I just lost that time. Even when I was awake I was in a haze of pain. I'm used to chronic pain but at least I was healthy enough that I wasn't in pain nonstop. These headaches were nonstop and it wore me down that I couldn't deal with it. I was fighting just to not go mad and give up.
As much as I hate Ben for killing himself (and I say hate as in I'm just angry, so so angry, I love the guy), I think his death did help me keep going because I knew just how bad it was to lose someone. The suicide rate for people witch chronic pain is high and I can understand that completely now. The thought of the pain just going on without stop... dear God that was horrifying.
Thank God it's gone. Since then I've started exercising regularly. I got out to swing every day, and it's a nice walk to the park so I'm not only getting exercise from swinging but also from walking. And now that Lucy loves going on walks I can walk her too. I only do that with my mom because I get lost very easily thanks to my spatial disability. It took me a while to get the path to and from the park down.
Life is kinda hard. I'm not in school right now, I'm not at where I wanted to be when I saw myself turning 22 (which will happen shortly) but life never works out the way you expect it to. And you know what? I'm good with that. I'm pretty happy right now and I'm going to enjoy doing stuff while I can and try and stay healthy.