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[Apr. 25th, 2008|11:51 pm] |
My opinions. Here they are out in the open for all the world to see. Hiding nothing.
- People with borderline personality disorder shouldn't go off their medication. Actually, anyone with severe mental disorders should not go off their medication. Not being a hypocrite in this, that's why I did what I had to in order to get my medication for my anxiety. I've been a lot better because of it. But, people prone to such manic episodes who think they're fine without it... well there was a reason you were prescribed them in the first place and some people just have to take meds their whole life. Things were perfectly fine until she went off them and went psychotic again.
- Apparently, I betray people. Though you know, Kelly was the only one I went to about the serious stuff, because she saw it too and we had mentioned several times to each other that we wanted to help. i went to her, because she understood Lindsay better. You know, there are so many things that I've helped Lindsay through and been there for her through that I could tell everyone. If I didn't care about her, if I was what she's trying to make me out to be, then I would have told the world. Never did that. But you know, this is why it was impossible to talk to Lindsay about any of it in the first place. She goes mental over it, stresses herself out when she doesn't need to be stressed, jumps to conclusions and always assumes the worst out of what is said.
- She's an adult now you know. She doesn't need the drama or the shit. Yet, hacking into someone's journal over something so petty? I didn't know that was the emblem of maturity. Isn't she twenty-five now, married and wanting to have a kid? What sort of adult humour and pleasure can be taken out of something so childish? Again, this goes back to the mental state she is in when she is off her medication. Things were great until then. We were able to talk to each other rationally and be there. I've had my manic moments. She helped me through them. I did try to do the same for her, even when it was an inconvenience for me.
- Why on earth would I try and break up a 15 year friendship? Definitely giving me far more credit than I deserve. I spent plenty of time talking to Kelly when Lindsay and I weren't talking and every once in awhile, I'd ask how she was doing, because I cared. I never once said that she shouldn't be friends with her. Where any of this is coming from is news to me. I wasn't attacking Kelly viciously with what happened the night that Lindsay and I jumped to conclusions. I felt hurt and betrayed, but I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I wasn't against us trying to work things out, because I wanted it to be through the truth and communication. That's being a bad friend? Since when?
- Apparently, this is my loss. This is the last time that I'm writing over this issue. Obviously it isn't a loss. I'll never forget what my old therapist told me about borderlines and their need to control the world around them, pull people into their circle. When Lindsay and I started talking again, it seemed like things with that were getting better. Since she quit taking the psych meds, the same habits are back. She does that controlling thing. She's trying the same crap on me now, again like all the other times. I don't have time for it. I was hoping that we had both matured, but I don't think it's an issue of maturity. I think it's an issue of personality.
-K, and as for this being my loss with Kelly. I can't trust someone who plays both sides like that. I never played both sides. I've been open about my opinions. The only reason it's ever taken me longer than I wanted to, to tell someone something I feel towards them, has been because of the way I know it'll be taken. Funny how Kelly said the same thing the last couple years, even recently. but what is truth and what is false? That isn't a loss to me. I wanted to work on getting over that, but this is just one more case where it just seems as if it isn't even worth it.
- They invited me into their homes, yes. I spent the money, tons of money to get out there. I should have been helping my husband move, but it was one of those things where we'd known each other for so long that I needed to take that opportunity, because I thought we were all close friends. It seemed to work out best to go out during the move. I would have never brought my daughter along. I would have never asked Kelly to be her Godmother. I would have never gone to either of them for advice or listen to their problems. I wouldn't have neglected time with my husband to spend hours on the phone with them, if this was all some giant scheme to break them apart. That's the hugest thing I've ever seen either of them pull out of their ass and it's so completely delusional.
My loss is my own stupidity. I thought I had friends who were above such trivial crap. People who understood human issues and problems. I thought that these were two people that I connected with on an intellectual and personal level. I considered them sisters, because of how close we all were. I forgive them for their misunderstanding. But they're right, trust is shattered. They call me a hypocrite, when they play the games that they're accusing me of. I can't be friends with someone who is still pulling such childish pranks and arguments.
This subject is now officially closed. Moving on with my life. I have better friends, which has been made all too clear over the past week. |
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