Whether we want to or not, we all know the relationship roller coasters our favorite blue-eyed Ravenclaw's been on (you all did catch wind of that juicy howler that followed her around earlier today, yeah?). Oh, Em. How we wish we could blame all of your troubles on boys being boys, but you don't exactly help yourself! Cheating on your significant other really doesn't help your case! We know you don't get to see your current boyfriend very often (is it current? Your status changes so often it's hard to keep up!) but messing around with Ludo Bagman underneath the quidditch bleachers is not the way to cope! At least your goal of shagging a bloke from all four Houses has been reached! Kudos! It's not an easy thing to do--or is it?

But ay me! As anyone can imagine, our fair Juliet isn't too pleased over this turn of events--in fact, we've been told that she's downright mad. Raving mad, that is! Quidditch wounds, Em? Not so much. We know all about those bruises, and they sure aren't from any bludgers. But could J really have her knickers in such a twist over a brother's broken heart? Or are they all bunched up for someone else? A bit of hair pulling can be a sign of affection, after all. Now we know why Nott really sticks around---meow!

We were all quite surprised to hear about this one! We all knew how hard Anneliese was working for her Quidditch team... but perhaps, a bit too hard? We hear exclusively that La Capitána has been slipping her team members enhancement potions---but Annie! Isn't that illegal? That sure explains a lot though! We've all heard her teammates mutter more than a few times that Annie's a bit off her rocker during training sessions, were they really joking? We hear not! Apparently her parents and boyfriend feel strongly about this too---in fact, they plan on shipping her straight to St. Mungo's as soon as possible, only for the sake of her own mental health, of course. We hear that boyfriend Will is suggesting an even earlier date, perhaps as soon as next week! Ambition---and too many bludgers!---can really do that to a girl!

Who ever knew that wild promiscuity was a requirement to don the blue and bronze? We're pretty sure we never heard the Sorting Hat mention that in its song! But while Anneliese is busy being locked up, reports are that roomie Ellie is out enjoying her freedom--a little too much, maybe? Guess big brother's notoriety really pays off, but we wonder: does boyfriend D know just how much of her time at home she spends at the United training complex? We've got to admit, we're a little jealous. What girl in her right mind wouldn't want to spend her nights in the arms of hottie Flint? Still, he's a little old for you, don't you think, E? The whole young, hot golddigger thing is so last season.

We all tried to feel bad for Feebs, what with her boyfriend just up and dumping her without a second word, but that was before we found out the true reason behind El's departure! Turns out that, more than once, little Miss Ravenclaw called out the wrong name during their various throes of passion! Looks like Feebs hasn't fully gotten over her obsession with the one and only Sirius Black. Hey, that's not really a bad thing, Feebs, at least Black had been able to stand you long enough to graduate!

Oh Little Klio, what are we going to do with you? While we admit that it's sweet and touching to cling onto hope that you might one day, maybe, be with a certain alumni Ravenclaw Healer, it's almost too... touching. Case in point, the old ratty sweatshirt she sleeps with every single night. Don't deny it, Little K, we all know that it's really stolen years ago from a certain Mister Smethwyck! And what about those pictures hidden under your pillow, notebooks, and bags? Oh Little K, sneaking into the boys' dorms to take pictures of Smethy while he sleeps is not all right! Not to mention all those other times, such as while he was in classes, in the showers, or just sitting around, happily unaware. We're all dying to know how his little sister feels about this! But a girl in love must do what she musts, we suppose! On another note, when are you planning to reveal all the love songs and poems you've written to him, hmm?

Phew, what drama! But of course, we only saved the best for last---did you think we just forgot about you, little A? After all, if you can't stand the heat, you'd better step out of the lion's den, because have we got the dirt on you! Everyone's heard the myriad of baby rumors that have been spouting out of the raven's nest lately, but who would have thought that they were nothing more than an ill-planned cover up? And who knew that boyfriend S could even get it up that long anyway? Kudos on a job well done, but was the effort all in vain? Somehow we don't think Ashe's badger beau is going to be so pleased when he finds out how the mother-to-be has been snogging Hogwarts' own Miss Darcy in the second floor broom cupboard after Potions!

Guess at least one rumor had some truth to it after all! Merlin's pants, though, someone tell these girls to sort out their lives--no one likes a two-sickle whore, and the 'Claws seem to be just teeming with them these days!

Well, that's all for now, curious denizens of Hogwarts. Yours until the next scandal strikes,

♥ The Lionesses