So, after I got my intarwebs back, I wrote a lot of fanfiction for the Fandom Secrets meme. This usually helps my mood. It certainly did now; I have at least two new ships.
Fics are mostly drabbles or double-drabbles. I've stuck the title on first, then the prompt, then the fic itself.
EDIT: Added two more!
EDIT: WAIT WAIT ONE MORE
Title: World's Greatest Criminal Mind
Characters: Brain and Ratigan
Respective Fandoms: Pinky and the Brain, Great Mouse Detective
Plot/Theme/Details: You know what they're going to try to do tomorrow night, Pinky?
The Brain was not pleased with his new minion.
For one thing, he didn’t even act like a proper minion. Proper minions were cleverly stupid, never tried to one-up the boss, and gave you the proper set-ups. The Brain did not believe that “And what has the moron got planned for tonight?” worked.
He was deranged, too. Always ranting around about some Basil— as if evil geniuses bent on world domination had time for rivals! The Brain shook his head, sadly. He’d had ideas of a protégé, but this was really disappointing.
Ratigan, across the cage, wondered if he could get his cape back. He didn’t feel comfortable without a cape.
Title: Blind Date
Characters: Death, Death
Respective Fandoms: Discworld, Sandma
Plot/Theme/Details: Discussing things in some sort of crazy little cafe that caters to various deaths?
The slender, gothy young woman eyed the terminally skinny anthropomorphic personification and said, “I don’t think this blind date thing is working out.”
The other shrugged. MY GRANDDAUGHTER SAID I SHOULD GET OUT MORE.
“You have a… never mind.” Death leaned forward, toyed with her ankh. “At least we’re in the same business?”
I SUPPOSE. Death tipped his head and managed an unnervingly intense look for someone without eyes. I AM TOLD THAT HELPS.
“Yeah,” she said. “So do hobbies. Do you have hobbies?”
I PLAY CHESS, he said, then something in the skull brightened. AND… DO YOU LIKE CATS?
Title: It's Always Lightning
Characters: Luke Skywalker x Fire Lord Ozai.
Respective Fandoms: Star Wars x Avatar.
Plot/Theme/Details: ... lightning!
They always used lightning.
What was it about lightning?
It wasn’t a particularly effective weapon, as witness Luke’s surviving it twice. It could, apparently, be deflected with a lightsaber, it didn’t always kill the victim, sometimes it would restart a stopped heart and defeat the purpose. It was slow, clumsy, took an immense amount of power, and pointed straight towards the perpetrator. Smoking corpses were difficult to hide.
It did, Luke conceded with some effort, make it easier to make deaths look like an accident.
He rolled his eyes, looked at Firelord Ozai, and said, “For your next trick, thunder?”
Title: The Hell of It
Characters: Oscar Wilde & Jack Harkness
Respective Fandoms: HISTORY & Torchwood/Doctor Who
He was clever,
that was the hell of it, clever and witty and peculiarly stupid in that way that I could never once resist, witness the Doctor. Clever and witty and peculiarly stupid, and gorgeous in this foppish sort of way, disdainful of Americans— well, I always liked a challenge, even if I only sound American— and damn, but he was charming. No wonder his wife stuck by him. No wonder I stuck with him as long as I could.
But I knew the history. No one can change history.
The hell of it is, sometimes I still miss him.
Characters: Zuko and Mulan Fa
Respective Fandoms: Avatar: the Last Airbender and Mulan
“Approval,” he says, and she laughs at him.
“It’s not funny!” he says, indignently, because it isn’t. She’s just struck at the core of him, at everything he believes in, and it’s not fair. He can’t remember why they were talking about this anyway.
She shakes her head, and doesn’t apologize. “That’s not it at all.”
“You define it then,” he says, and prepares to sulk.
She brushes her hair behind her ears, thinks, then replies, “Honor is truth in word and deed, belief in justice, and strength.” Another moment, and she adds, “It’s life.”
He can’t disagree with that.
Characters: Jayne Cobb/Ace McShane
Respective Fandoms:Firefly, Doctor Who
Plot/Theme/Details: Snark, explosions, HOT.
She shoots him a glance over the rim of her glass, smirks, and says, “Nice gun.”
Jayne, uncertain if she’s being sarcastic, shoots a glare back. “She’s Vera,” he says.
The girl, a slip of a thing in a big black jacket, twists sideways to reveal a pretty big gun of her own. “He’s Toto. He’s not jealous. Is she?” She nods at Vera.
Interested, he swivels towards her. Big eyes, big mouth, nice’n’curvy like he likes them, and she likes guns. Oh yeah. “She ain’t particular.”
She smiles. “Toto’s got some buddies I like to call Nitro-5. Want to come back to my place and meet ‘em?”
Jayne doesn’t consider very long. He’s got leave until tomorrow. “Hell yeah!”
Ace is just as good as her name implies, all hot and sweet and ragged lines scored into his back.
And he gets some nice explosives out of it, too.
Respective Fandoms:Doctor Who and Firefly
Plot/Theme/Details: It sure would be nice if they had some GRENADES.
He met her again when he dove behind a wall to avoid a line of bullets and landed facefirst in her breasts.
Ace smacked him in the jaw with the butt of her gun, squinted at his face while he clutched it, cursing, said, “Oh, sorry. Didn’t know it was you. Hand me a grenade, will you?” then popped up on her knees to fire over the wall.
“What’re you doing here?” was the first thing out of his mouth. It beat “Grenades? Where?” by a matter of mere nanoseconds.
“Backpack,” she said, ducking back down to reload. “Same as you, probably. Getting paid.”
He pawed through her backpack, found a couple and handed her one. “These the nitro-five? That blows up real
She grinned, wolfishly. “Oh yeah. Regular grenades just aren’t worth the time. Quick, let’s waste these guys.”
“Quicker they’re dead, quicker we get paid,” Jayne agreed. “On three?”
“Quicker they’re dead, quicker we get laid,” Ace said, and threw him a slantwise look full of promise. “You know how fights make you kinda horny? Three!”
When Mal asked later what in hell he’d set on fire to get that kind of bang, Jayne only grinned.
Characters: Harry Dresden and Harry Potter
Respective Fandoms: The Dresden Files and . . . oh, come on.
Type of Fanwork: fic or perhaps arts?
Plot/Theme/Details: Everyone's favorite wizard-for-hire shows the upstart Boy Who Lived a thing or two about wizardry? (gen plz?)
Anything else: I know I'm not the only person who's ever thought of this COME ON FANDOMSECRETS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.
Harry Dresden was not amused on a number of levels.
“I didn’t mean…”
the boy began.
“Shut up for a minute,” Harry said. “I’m getting a headache.”
The boy scowled. “No! If you’d just listen…”
“I said shut up,” Harry snapped, and massaged his temples. “Okay. So. This Voldemort guy waltzes into Chicago, decides it’s an easy target, goes about wreaking havoc. You’re apparently his archrival so you come to defeat him by an epic duel, igrnoring any and all other possibilities. Am I right so far?”
“So,” Harry said, overriding him, “when my buddy Murphy got the bazooka and killed him dead with minimal damage, did that or did it not have an effect equal to an enormous heroic self-sacrifice that killed untold numbers of innocents?”
The boy opened his mouth, and shut it again.
“I thought so,” Harry said. “Hell’s bells! Think
before you go off being epic! What do they teach them in school these days?”
“I’d like to know what else you’d’ve done,” the kid said, pouting.
Harry did not slap the boy upside his sulky head, though it took some effort. “Rule number one of wizardry, kid!” he said. “They never expect bazookas!”
Characters: Professor Ratigan and Sherlock Holmes
Respective Fandoms:The Great Mouse Detective/Basil of Baker Street and the Sherlock Holmes stories.
Plot/Theme/Details: Anything? I saw all the Ratigan ones earlier in the meme and couldn't resist one more, because the thought of Holmes being confronted by an evil
LARGE MOUSE is just too awesome for words ^_________^
Mrs. Hudson rolled her eyes. It was never Dr. Watson who had a request, oh no; that dear man generally did everything for himself, was terribly polite to her, and quiet at night.
No, it was her troublesome lodger. Always. How he ever got to be a consulting detective when he was so bloody lazy… she sighed, hitched up her skirts, and climbed the stairs.
“Yes, Mr. Holmes?”
Mr. Holmes was holding something before him at arm’s length, and gave her a strangely disgusted look—strange, because he was never disgusted by anything. “Tell me, am I truly seeing this, or has the morphine done its work at last?”
Mrs. Hudson chose, with a great deal of tact, to ignore the reference to morphine for now and mention it to Dr. Watson later. “Seeing what, Mr. Holmes?”
He swung his long, thin arm about and dangled a large rat before her.
She shrieked, and jumped back, and demanded, “Mr. Holmes!”
He rolled his eyes. “Do calm down and look at it seriously! Women!”
She was just on the verge of demanding what he meant before she noticed that the rat was wearing a rather nice waistcoat and jacket, and that Mr. Holmes was not holding it by its tail, as she had previously suspected, but in fact by an opera cape.
“Er,” she said.
“Good,” Mr. Holmes said. “I presume from your reaction that I am not hallucinating. Very well, sir,” and here he swung the rat back up to his eye, “I think we should have a talk, you and I.”
“This is ridiculous,” the rat said.
Mrs. Hudson could not agree more.
Title: The Usual
Characters: Dumbledore and Gandaulf
Respective Fandoms: Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings
Plot/Theme/Details: Idk...something about long beards and being old and obviously omniscient?
The shouting could be heard down the hall.
“…at least I told him exactly what he was getting into and didn’t play silly buggers with destiny just to suit my own sense of epic drama!” Gandalf was winding down a rant of some duration.
“Oh, yes,” Dumbledore retorted, beginning a rant of his own, “and you were so
useful to him, dying in the first bloody cavern, then trapising back in halfway through the adventure all smug and bleached!”“Bleached!”
Gandalf’s mouth worked helplessly for a moment, then he seized Dumbledore’s beard and pulled.
Merlin sighed, folded up his paper, and left as quickly as he could. Some days he didn’t know why he came to the club.
Title: You Are Not Alone
Characters: TARDIS, Magic School Bus
Respective Fandoms: Doctor Who, The Magic School Bus
Plot/Theme/Details: They're both time traveling sort-of-sentient means of transport. It had to happen eventually.
There was another one out there.
The TARDIS gasped, and shuddered, and tried to wake her Doctor, but he had not slept in several weeks and was out so thoroughly she could not wake him. He hadn’t set her to hover, though, so she could go, and she did, whirling through the sparkles of time and space to land… in a school parking lot?
She was puzzled, then shrugged it off, because there he was, standing across the asphalt, all yellow and black and it didn’t matter what he looked like because she wasn’t alone anymore, she wasn’t the last. They were not alone.
Title: I Can't Decide
Characters: Harold Saxon and Azula
Respective Fandoms: Doctor Who and Avatar: The Last Air Bender
Plot/Theme/Details: (gen/pair/everyone is suddenly a seahorse/doesn't matter) The idea of these two being friends amuses me greatly. Take this idea and run.
The TARDIS lands him on some godforsaken planet where they still used elements, when she was still fighting him, before he made her submit. Still, they have metal ships, and a certain level of sophistication. He realizes this when he pokes his head out the doors to see where he was and comes face to face with a ring of blue fire so hot it singes his face.
“Don’t move,” the girl on the other end of the fire says, pleasantly. “I’ll make it hurt so much more if you move.”
“So you want to hurt him,” Azula says, lounging across from him and enjoying the way he watches her. She isn’t sure if it’s her body or her cruelty that interests him. She’s also not sure if she much cares. “That should be easy enough, if he cares as much as you say.”
“Oh, I know exactly how,” the Master says, smiling. “You’re right; it’s easy. All I’m going to do is destroy his life and make him watch.”
She examines her nails. “Do
He does. It’s awesome, what he’s going to do to this man. He’s clever, so clever, diabolical almost, though of course not as much as herself. Clever and focused; he’s turned all his considerable energies onto his rival. There’s a long history there, she can tell. And she… she smiles. She’s got an idea.
“May I make a suggestion? He takes companions himself, does he not? What if you did as well, but twisted it just a bit…”
The Master kicks back, watches her sip tea, and considers her own problem.
“Well, he’s your brother,” he says, at last. “That makes it a little easier. Freud said that all neuroses are formed before the age of ten, and you’ve got access to all of those.”
Her brow furrows very quickly, but she does not admit to lack of knowledge. He understands— he wouldn’t either.
“Yes,” she says, setting the cup down with a graceful turn of wrist that he envies. She’s so decorative that the deadliness only makes her more attractive, like the gorgeous snakes on Earth that killed with a single bite. “He wants approval so badly.”
The Master snorts. “You say that so disdainfully. I’ll bet you’ve never been disapproved of in your life.”
Azula smiles. “People have disapproved of me. Just not for very long.” He laughs, openly, and she continues. “Zuzu is, as you say, easily affected, but…” She frowns. “I need an opening.”
He considers, then gives her a slow snake smile the mirror of her own. “Approval, you said.”
She returns him to his box, in the end.
They’ve made suggestions, improved each other’s plans. It was an instructive few hours, all things considered, and quite enjoyable too. If she was a bit older, she might have considered keeping him, making him a consort for when she eventually removes her father and takes the throne of Fire Lady. She could use someone as clever as herself.
But… no. She would never risk trusting someone like that with power. Someone as clever as herself could not be allowed to live.
Even if he is so handsome, and so wonderfully cruel.
She allows herself a sigh for things that will never be, and looks ahead, to Ba Sing Se.