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a mite whimsical in the brainpan ([info]tigerkat24) wrote,
@ 2008-07-05 19:15:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:discworld, doctor who, fanfiction

Fic: The Dalek Invasion of Discworld
Title: The Dalek Invasion of Discworld
Author: TigerKat24
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing.
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin. Beta'd by the lovely Priscellie.
Disclaimer: I own neither Daleks nor Discworld.


There is a turtle swimming through space, with four giant elephants and a flat disc of a world balanced carefully atop its meteor-pocked shell. That’s no less believable than a police box travelling through time and space.

The police box is nowhere near this universe, anyway.

A saucer was. It was shaped vaguely like a donut with windows. Inside, the most feared enemy of the Time Lords prepared to invade as their ship approached the turtle: a terrifying sight, sure to spark fear in the heart of any sensible being.

No one ever accused the Discworld’s inhabitants of being sensible.

--

Samuel Vimes was not having a good day.

"Oh, come on!" he shouted at the skies. "Vampires who don't drink blood, golems that own themselves, fine, but homicidal pepperpots? Seriously?"

Nobody responded. Bastards.

Vimes kicked the pepperpot that Sybil’s dragons had roasted, bruised his toe, and had to hop around swearing for a bit. Solid metal. He’d never seen anything made of metal that could talk. Must be something the wizards had made; he’d send up a nasty letter in the morning.

Still swearing, he headed into the city. Time to rally the Watch and “exterminate” the rest of them.

--

Archchancellor Ridcully stalked back into his study in a vicious temper. He’d received three death threats and a pointed note from the Patrician, enough to annoy any man who didn’t deserve them.

He glared at the hastily-drawn circle, which contained something resembling a tankard designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson.

“All right!” he bellowed at it. “What are you?”

The thing, already incensed, practically vibrated with rage.

“DALEKS DO NOT ANSWER QUESTIONS! EXTERMINATE!” A line of scorching light burned through the wall where Ridcully’s head had been a moment before.

The Archchancellor snapped his fingers.

He’d been needing a footstool anyway.

--

“Dungeon dimensions?” Nanny asked, nibbling an apple.

Creak, creak, went Granny’s rocking chair. “What else could they be?”

“The Gentry,” Nanny opined.

Granny shook her head. “’S metal. The Gentry don’t like metal.”

Nanny picked thoughtfully at her teeth, then grinned. “They looks like ton—“

“Gytha Ogg!”

Nanny rolled her eyes. “You don’t know what I was goin’ to say, Esme.”

“I don’t need to,” Granny snapped. Creak, creak.

“Be like that,” Nanny said, without heat, and settled back.

Metal shrieked on rock as the last of the invaders, backing frantically away from Greebo, failed to see the cliff.

--

Rincewind opened his eyes, whimpered, closed his eyes, and tried to wake up.

Sadly, the thing looming over him was still there when he opened his eyes again.

“Gurk,” remarked Rincewind.

“IDENTIFY!” the thing shrilled, pointing a stick attached to its front at Rincewind.

Behind it, the Luggage groaned to its feet. The thing turned, and a leap of blue fire shot from the stick.

When the chaos died down, Rincewind was a distant, fading blur. The Luggage, lid slightly scorched, glared at the ex-thing’s compatriots, who made a concentrated effort to look innocent while scooting away.

The Luggage charged.

--

“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”

Death watched the metal thing wave its stick-weapon at him with mild curiousity. It was the sixth one today that he had collected personally, and thousands more were dying all across the Disc. An invasion, he thought, that the inhabitants had taken in typical stride.

“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”

Death was not quite sure how to handle this. Normally the people he collected understood. This was complicated.

“WHAT ARE YOU?” the thing asked, at last, panic evident in its tone.

DEATH, Death said. WHAT ARE YOU?

“DALEKS DO NOT KNOW DEATH!” the thing wailed. “EXTERMINATE!”

OH, YES, Death said. PRECISELY.

--

This is a turtle, swimming through space. The world atop the turtle was wracked with sparks and shouts a moment ago, but everything seems to have calmed down.

The saucer lifts off from the Hub, a few desultory lightning bolts flung after it by bored gods. It is much lighter rising than landing, and as soon as it is away, it blasts for deep space.

Vimes has lots of paperwork. Ridcully has some new furniture. Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg have an afternoon’s entertainment. The Luggage has lunch.

The Daleks have a cautionary tale. Narrative causality.

The turtle swims on.



(Post a new comment)


[info]gg_crono
2008-07-06 01:36 am UTC (link)
This fic is pure love from start to finish. Especially the bit about sensibility, the part with death, and the mental image of daleks scooting. A++++++++++++++ epic win.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:26 pm UTC (link)
Even Daleks fear the Luggage. Trufax. Thanks for reading!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]dark_puck
2008-07-06 01:39 am UTC (link)
I love you. So very much.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:26 pm UTC (link)
Thanks! Glad it brightened your day. :D

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 05:50 am UTC (link)
Full of win. Best crossover since someone thought up Firefly/DW!

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:27 pm UTC (link)
Heee! Thank you very much!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 07:30 am UTC (link)
Bwahahaha! I ♥ this story so much. I want to marry it and have it's little fictional babies.

The Daleks have a cautionary tale. Narrative causality.

Made of win!

--Melody

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:27 pm UTC (link)
Do the little fictional babies look like Mini!Vimes...? If so, go ahead. :D I'm glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 09:40 am UTC (link)
LOL! This was very funny. I needed it after the finale. Thanks!

Katta

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:28 pm UTC (link)
You're quite welcome. Thank you for the compliment!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 09:46 am UTC (link)
This. Is. Brilliant.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:28 pm UTC (link)
Thank you very much!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 06:55 pm UTC (link)
Sent here by a friend - this is complete win!

Nea

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:28 pm UTC (link)
See icon for my approximate feelings. :D Thank you very much!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-07 12:19 am UTC (link)
and I'm here via Nea. That was great - very funny.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 07:14 pm UTC (link)
This is FABulous! The feel is perfect.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:29 pm UTC (link)
I was reading The Last Continent at the time, and it sort of clicked all at once. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 07:52 pm UTC (link)
*amused down to my toes* Oh, that's beautiful. HEEEE.

I am loving the mental image of Greebo 'playing' with the Daleks.

Narrative Causality! *glees*

butterflykiki on LJ

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:30 pm UTC (link)
*giggles* I'm glad you enjoyed it! The Daleks should probably not have invaded a place so thoroughly built on illogic, huh. Thanks for reading!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 08:01 pm UTC (link)
This is fabulous! Thank you for sharing it.

~ Rheanna

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:33 pm UTC (link)
Thanks very much for reading it! I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 08:36 pm UTC (link)
That's great! Discworld is very difficult to get right, but I love this.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2008-07-06 08:40 pm UTC (link)
Ugh, tell me about it. Me and my beta reader worked a long time trying to get the voice just right. I'm glad you think we succeeded! Thanks for the compliment!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]priscellie
2008-07-06 08:57 pm UTC (link)
Made of SO MUCH WIN! You are a genius, my darling!

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-06 10:05 pm UTC (link)
Inspired!

Livejournal: lsellersfic

(Reply to this)

also here from Nea
(Anonymous)
2008-07-07 12:31 pm UTC (link)
Brilliant! And your Pratchett voice is aces.

The Daleks have a cautionary tale. Narrative causality.

HA! No one crosses Greebo. :P

--wheresmycow (http://wheresmycow.livejournal.com)

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-07 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Just lovely. I particularly liked the thought of the Daleks running from Greebo. :)

-- torn_eledhwen on LJ.

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[info]firefly-124.livejournal.com
2008-07-08 12:46 am UTC (link)
That was absolutely hysterical!

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-09 09:54 pm UTC (link)
This is made of absolute win. Absolutely. *loves SO much*

agapi42

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-11 03:12 pm UTC (link)
Oh, this was *wonderful*! I'm all smiley now.

- significantowl on lj

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-29 12:28 am UTC (link)
That's wonderful! I love the bit with the witches especially. :D

- laurus_nobilis @ LJ

(Reply to this)


[info]marginaliana.livejournal.com
2008-07-30 12:16 am UTC (link)
*snorfle* I especially loved the Daleks backing away from Greebo. Hysterical!

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-30 12:38 am UTC (link)
Brilliant, hilarious...feel free to insert your superlative of choice. I love this fic.

sabra_n at LJ

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-30 07:17 am UTC (link)
*ROFL* Finally! The Daleks get treated like the annoying little pepperpots they are. Much love.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-07-30 02:21 pm UTC (link)
That was awesome, I loved it.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2008-08-26 04:23 pm UTC (link)
Lyore on lj recced this, and she was right, it's FABULOUS!!!!

I have to say, I adored Vimes, and Death was, as always, perfection!

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-03-29 11:30 pm UTC (link)
Excellent stuff! I can see how Discworld would deal with the Daleks in its own inimitable fashion :)

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-09-26 04:40 am UTC (link)
This very well may be the funniest thing I've *ever read*. Seriously. Or, humourously.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-11-12 04:12 am UTC (link)
laughed the entire way through, but the next to last line was /priceless/. Love!

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[info]the-wanlorn.livejournal.com
2010-03-04 11:19 pm UTC (link)
Oh, this fic is absolutely marvelous. I love the Daleks vs. Death.

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(Anonymous)
2010-05-25 02:25 pm UTC (link)
*chortles happily*

I do so love this - Discworld taking the daleks in its stride. I bet the daleks were completely taken aback at being treated as nothing more than a minor annoyance *g*
You have the Pratchett tone down pat. Bravo.

mysteriousaliwz on LJ

(Reply to this)

LJ's Rodlox
(Anonymous)
2010-05-28 07:41 pm UTC (link)
an excellent tale.

wonder if the Doctor will ever ask them "Why do you Daleks have such an overarching fear of turtles?"
(and would they answer?)

I came here through a rec by a friend, and I'm glad we did.

have nice days and be well.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2010-06-09 09:44 pm UTC (link)
This is great. Very like your story)
Can I ask your permission to translate it and post on Russian Discworld fan community? I promise send the link, of course.
Yours faithfully, Maria.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tigerkat24
2010-06-10 01:37 am UTC (link)
Feel free! And thanks for asking. :D

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2010-10-04 09:20 pm UTC (link)
Thanks)
I'm sorry for the delay.
Here:
http://pay.diary.ru/~pterry/p128500706.htm

Yours faithfully, Maria.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2010-07-09 07:40 am UTC (link)
This is utterly, utterly wonderful!

yan_tan_tether

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