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Fandom Exes
'Cause God knows I don't have any actual ones.

1) The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it.
Y helo thar Harry Potter. It was so good in the beginning, and Prisoner of Azkaban was hardcore awesome, but then Sirius got death-by-curtain'd and the epilogue and Snape was evil and then he wasn't and then he was and then he wasn't and fandom was universally mentally ill and I just gave up.

2) The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets.
Tamora Pierce. I love the books; they're such a lovely childhood memory that surprisingly hasn't been fucked over by fandom. The woman herself is absolutely astonishingly amazing. She keeps getting better and I keep having nostalgic nights out with the books, but I would never get involved with the fandom again. Who knew twelve-year-old girls could cause so much drama?

3) The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized he really was fucking crazy.
Mercedes Lackey. Mind you, just because it's a nutcase fandom doesn't mean I don't still read the books. Sometimes you just get a craving for the crazy.

4) The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved he doesn't actually live in town.
Neil Gaiman. I adore the books, adore the fandom, sometimes go on sprees, but man can he fuck with your head.

5) The steady.
The Dresden Files and Doctor Who. I'm a polygamist!... but seriously, they're good. They don't disappoint, they deliver on their bargains, and they never take themselves too seriously.

6) The alluring stranger whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with.
Ouran High School Host Club. It's marvellous crack, and I flirt with it frequently, but I need to be in the right mood for it and I almost never am.

7) The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't.
Diana Wynne Jones. They're good books, nice inversions of fairy tales, but I invariably end up never reading them again.
Except Howl's Moving Castle, the sequel, and The Tough Guide to Fantasyland.

8) The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool guy except it's never really gone anywhere.
Bleach, probably. I keep starting it, and starting it, and starting it, and starting it... someday I'll go further.

9) The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at him and thinking, "Him? How the hell did he land all these cool babes?"
His Dark Materials. I don't much like Philip Pullman, and apart from Lee Scorseby, who can have me any time he damn well pleases, I hate the characters and the world and the setup and the idea and argh. Just not worth my time. I want the two hours I spent reading Amber Spyglass back, please.

10) The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom she keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for her except you just know it's going to end badly.
I'm beginning to worry about this Avatar thing. Though that won't stop me from trying to get to know it myself.