Who: Lily, James, and HARRY POTTER
What: Depresesed because they're moving out of their home, they find something to smile about
Where: Their home in Liverpool :'[
When: This afternoon?



12.

Lily drew the roll of packing tape over one more box and pushed it aside, trying so hard not to count in her head the number that she'd finished but utterly unable to ignore it. That was twelve boxes that she'd packed today alone, which pretty much finished up all of the knick-knacks in the living room, kitchen, and dining room--everything that they didn't need to survive was going in these boxes, and every box that got taped up was one box closer to saying goodbye to this house.

It wasn't the house that bothered her. It was just a house when it came down to it. Even if it was their first home, it was just a house and it wasn't like they had lived there long enough for it to feel like she was uprooting her whole life just because she was leaving it. What made her feel like she was being ripped away from everything was why.

Why was just the question. What was it that she had done to deserve this? The death mark on her back---whatever, she was over that long ago. Not like she liked being one of the primary targets of the most evil and powerful wizard of her time, but---why, for fuck's sake, why did her son have to suffer for that, even before he was born?

And---and Lily knew that it was just as likely that it wasn't their baby in that prophecy, that it could be the Longbottoms' boy, but again---why? Frank and Alice hadn't done anything to deserve this either, and Nigel (ugh, that name---) was just as innocent as her son and why did this always happen to them, it was always them, everything they did Voldemort was on top of trying to destroy, even this, even----

Lily buried her face in her arms on top of the box and bit her lip down on her lip tightly because she knew James was in the other room, she knew every time she and her stupid hormonal self started crying about this it was just harder on him. She wished she could do something to stop her trembling shoulders and the sobs that no matter what always managed to get past her and god she was such a failure as a wife---and a mother, look what she'd gotten her son into, she was the reason he wouldn't grow up in this house, why they had to go into hiding like some criminals just so he'd have a chance to be born, what kind of a person was she that got him into this, what had she done?

Was he a terrible husband for not immediately running to his wife's side, as soon as he heard her tears? James pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes, trying to bloke out the sound and the hollow, hollow feeling he had in his chest. All his mind could contemplate was how unfair all of it was, and then it reminded him that his life had stopped being fair the moment his mother died, it seemed like everything that happened to him after that point was a direct result of the core of his life being shattered.

He sat on one of the many boxes they'd packed up, trying to find any strength to get up and comfort Lily. James felt selfish for wanting to be the one that was getting hugged and soothed, but he knew it was his duty as her husband, as the father of the baby she was carrying---he just wished that there was a time in the day where he could look just as weak as he felt. He couldn't tell the Marauders, he couldn't let them know that Voldemort actually had a reason to kill him and Lily, other than being ridiculous thorns in his side. Their son could be the one that takes him down once and for all. How---how crazy.

Crazy to think that this war was going to go on for at least eighteen more years. Their son would need the proper training to battle Voldemort, he'd need to become a proficient wizard to stand a chance against the Dark Lord. They would have to survive for eighteen-more-bloody-years to see the end of this war. How was that fair? How was that even possible? James wasn't even sure he'd survive to see his son be born, how the fuck was he supposed to make it until he was of legal age and ready to take on the fight of his life?

It was never going to happen. James could never voice his thoughts out loud, but he knew he wasn't going to see it happen.

With a sigh, James pushed himself up and slowly left the room, chest clenching at the sight of Lily doubled over in tears. They should just---leave. Leave and join some muggle colony of---whatever muggles had colonies of. That'd be the only way to survive this, and even then, they'd always have to live in fear that something, a tiny, insignificant something would be enough for Voldemort to find them and destroy their lives. Again.

"Hey," James said softly, coming over and kneeling by her, "let's take a break."

Go away, she mentally willed him as she heard James' footsteps behind her. Lily wanted just for once for him to hear her and ignore her. She didn't want him to have to try and help her through this when she had nothing to give in return. She was such a mess, and this baby was making it so hard for her to keep it inside and it killed her because she knew James was just as big of a mess and--and he could control it, he still managed to put on a strong face for her and hold her and tell her they'd get through this somehow. But she---she couldn't hold him, she couldn't tell him they'd get through it and--it wasn't fair, this was stupid, it wasn't fair.

Lily took a deep, shuddering breath and shook her head, but refused to raise it from its hiding place. Not until she could stop this ridiculous crying. She---hated being pregnant, she was so useless this way. She couldn't fight, she couldn't keep her emotions in check, she couldn't do anything but sit around and cry and knit with Alice. How was she supposed to do anything about this when she had become so weak? This wasn't her, she just---she wanted her old self back, she needed her old self back.

"No---break," she managed, her words muffled by the box. "I'm fine, I don't need a break." It took all her might, but when she finally raised her head Lily had managed to pull the most ridiculously fake and tearful smile she thought she'd ever made. "Look, fine! I'm--fine, I don't need a break! We've got to get this done--we've got to get out of here as soon as we---can, so. No breaks!"

James bit his tongue, putting a hand on Lily's back. He immediately began to move his hand up and down in a reassuring manner, head lifting to look around the room for something, anything to keep Lily distracted. Though, if he was able to find something that was able to distract Lily from the move, the baby, Voldemort, and the prophecy, then James wasn't sure he'd be strong enough to give it up. That's what their life had come to, distractions.

His fingers curled into the end of her hair as he spotted a temporary solution. A pile of books was left on a windowsill, and he was glad to feel a small grin come onto his face. When in doubt, resort to childish business.

"I heard Frank and Alice are settling on a middle name," James said, standing and crossing over to get the baby name book. He came back, waving it slowly at Lily. He hadn't talked to Frank since the meeting at Hogwarts, but that didn't mean their bet would be off, right? It wasn't as if---they were betting on which of their boys would be the downfall of Voldemort's reign. That--wasn't as funny as this naming business. The naming thing, they could still have, though.

Needed a name for the headlines, right? James came back and sat on the other side of Lily's box, flipping through the book. He hadn't had anything pop out at him since they'd found out and 'Danger' was now just a running joke that he sort of wished would stick, but. Alas. Not as funny when you had a prophecy dangling over your head. Nigel "No Official Middle Name" Longbottom was certainly not going to beat "No Official First Name" James Potter in this contest set up by their fathers. "And you know how much I want that galleon.

Why was he---rubbing her back, she said she was fine, right? Why did he have to do that, and to look at her like that, and didn't he know that all this did was cause the knot of guilt in her chest to clench even tighter? Why couldn't she push him away and insist---insist---that he didn't need to do it, and go back to packing? They didn't have time for this when they had something this serious to deal with. They had to get out, every second they stayed where they were they were risking not only their own lives, but their son's life too and---

---where was James going?

Her eyes followed her husband to the windowsill and back, momentarily distracted from the thoughts that had been consuming her just seconds before.

He was talking about... names, baby names? And that stupid bet with Frank, how had he even managed to transition the depressing silence into a lighthearted attempt at choosing a name for their nameless child? Lily had no idea what had just happened to cause this stark change in topic, but in the seconds between his leaving her side and his setting the book down on the box, she was already finding it easier to sit up just a little straighter.

Oy, how did he do that?

"You might be out of luck," Lily said, reaching over to pull the book a little closer to her side. "Every name I look at there seems to be something wrong with. Like it's too long---or too short, or has too many vowels, or means something terrible, or just sounds wrong."

"You picked the right bloke," James started, stopping on a page in the 'M' section. "Did you notice the rest of the names in our year? At first I was a little jealous, but then I realized my life as a Hippocrates would've been a sad one."

Yes, he found his cure for being depressed, trying to get Lily to smile. As sappy as it sounded, James still found his heart pounding when she sent him a grin that was meant, and caused by, him. Still, because people had told him in fourth year (when he'd truly become vocal about his fancy; it had to do with her dating Benjy Fenwick, after all) that he would get over the insanity he exuded when Lily Evans was in the room. Ha! Little did they know that he still made an arse out of himself once in a while (okay, more than once in a while) to get her to laugh, or smile, or simply look over at him, and he didn't mind it at all.

"We could try to come up with cool initials," he suggested, not really having any of the 'M' names strike him. He handed the book over to Lily completely. James had little worries that they'd argue and fight over a name, because usually they were on the same track with things. Usually. This would be one of those things that they completely and utterly, immediately agreed with, right? They'd made the boy together, they should be able to come to a solid and final conclusion.

"Except---anything ending with JP would have to be in a foreign language. Nevermind. Christopher?"

"Ehh," Lily muttered without looking up from the book that had just come into her possession. "Too long, and Chris" --she pulled a face-- "I don't want to call him Chris."

In just moments, it was like the depression had fallen completely away, and now her attention was elsewhere, immersed in the thick pink-and-blue volume in front of her. That's how it seemed to be, though--the topic of the prophecy was omnipresent in her mind, but when she could manage to be distracted enough with something to not think about it, she was fine. Well, maybe fine was a stretch, but she was at least not sobbing her eyes out like she did the other nintey-five percent of the time when she was thinking about it.

Lily wasn't sure how long this was supposed to last, how long it would take her to get over everything enough to begin to think about dealing with the possible fate of Blank-James-Potter, but for now these little moments were a welcome change. She intended to reach out and hold onto each one tightly until they decided to slip away from her once again.

Her fingers flipped across the pages, until she landed on the D section. "... David? No---David James Potter, that doesn't really flow very well, does it?" She flipped again, stopping on a random page. "Ohh, I love the name Benjamin, but that would be strange... hmm... Lucas? That one is nice too." Lily finally looked up, arching her brow towards James. "What do you think?"

James was very glad that Lily immediately found the name 'Benjamin' to be strange, because the heart attack that he suffered for those two seconds would absolutely kill him for the rest of his life if he had to deal with his own little Benjy. Not that he didn't like Ben Fenwick, but James would never be able to handle the jokes about paternity and---yes, it was a good thing Lily spotted the awkwardness that would ensue if they decided to name their child that.

He supposed it was a good thing that most of their friends had strange names that even themselves didn't want to pass down onto their children. There was Frank, but James had a feeling that Alice would have a fit if they stole a potential future child's name, or middle name. Rightly so, of course; James would feel mighty strange if someone besides himself named their child after him before he was dead. That's just bad luck, isn't it?

"Lucas? Luke?" He nodded back and forth, as if rolling the name on the tip of his tongue. "I like it, but then I'd like something a little unique, but then I don't want it too weird, but then I don't want him to be just another Tom, Dick, or Harry, you know?"

"Really?" Lily pouted a little. Not that she didn't like unique names or that she wanted her son to be one of five of the same name in all his Hogwarts classes, but from this whole experience she'd come to notice how much she loved really classic names. Like---James, that was such a good, traditional name. Of course, she liked names like her parents had given she and Petunia too, like James was talking about; somewhat uncommon while not being off-the-wall. But she loved any one of those that he'd just listed off. "Not even Harry?"

She flipped into the book a little further, but not really browsing any more. Lily supposed that if they were going to settle upon a name, it was probably important to know where they wanted to go with this rather than just picking random ones out and hoping for a good reaction. "I like Harry. It's not that common, you know. We don't know any, do we?"

Her flipping stopped on the H section, and Lily's finger ran down the page to find the name. Not like she was actively hoping that James would magically come to love it within the next thirty seconds, but it didn't hurt to read a little about it. "Look, it means 'home ruler, leader'---that's such a strong meaning."

"It's just a saying, I guess," James muttered mostly to himself, noticing that Lily actually seemed interested in the name. That was a first, for sure, that a name that came out of his mouth (albeit a bit sarcastically) had honestly caught her interest. Harry? Harry wasn't a bad name at all, it was rather old fashioned he thought. Nothing really came to mind when he said the name, that was a good sign, right? That he didn't immediately think of some old codger that annoyed him, or a whiny nancy boy that infuriated him when he was young. Harry was just Harry, a name that definitely didn't sound like that of the next savior of the wizarding world.

Maybe that was a good enough reason.

Though, when Lily read off the name meaning, the fact that---a ruler, a leader. Well. Well damn. It was almost as if he was telling them that he'd be up to the challenge of defeating Voldemort, that one day he would be a leader of the wizarding world and help them get through this war, however long it should take. James blinked a few times, once again tilting his head back and forth, weighing the name and deciding that he couldn't find one thing he didn't like about it---he should make that a more positive statement and say that he rather liked it, now that it was honestly being thought about.

James turned completely to Lily, a small grin forming on his face (that was another sign, he believed),

"Harry Potter?"

"Harry James Potter."

The name rolled fluidly off her tongue and ended in an upturn of her lips, because it sounded so---right wasn't even the word for it, or even perfect... Lily didn't know if there actually was a word in the English language to describe the feeling when something just fell so into place. It was like no other name she could hear would come close, now that she'd heard this one.

James, Lily, and Harry. It made them sound like a family. The name Harry just fit in with them like the missing piece to a puzzle, like this baby already had with their lives.

Her eyes flickered down suddenly and she pressed a palm to her stomach, which had just seemingly turned into a net full of butterflies. "I'm not sure, but I think that's a sign he likes it," she said with a smirk, turning her head back up to glance across the box. "He's excited Daddy's going to get his galleon after all."