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Without you
[What happened with Ruby during the time that Sam was in the pit, before Robo-Sam found her.]

Ruby was growing impatient. She didn't take very well to tricked into a Devi's Trap, and then bound to a chair in iron chains by her husband. He'd told that it was "for her own good. That he didn't want her to have to face Lucifer...or face him once Lucifer had taken him over, rather. Ruby had been against Sam's plan to say yes to Lucifer and trick him back into the cage right from the start. It was one of the few things that her and Dean actually agreed on. And yet, Dean was right there with Sam, making sure that Ruby would "stay put" at Bobby's.

She'd stopped trying to escape. It was too tiring, and she hadn't been exactly feeling like herself lately. So she sat. And waited. Waited for someone to come.

And eventually, someone did. In the form of Bobby, Castiel, and Dean. ...No Sam. Ruby's heart sank. It only meant one thing...but she had to know.

"Where's Sam?" Ruby demanded as Bobby undid her chains. And broke the Devil's Trap. And broke the circle of salt around here.

"Ruby..."Bobby stared at the demon, his eyes full of remorse.

"Where. Is. Sam?"

"Sam did what he set out to do," Castiel said, his tone even and calm. "Lucifer is back in his cage. Michael joins his brother."

"That doesn't answer my fucking question! What happened to Sam!?"

"Sam's gone, Ruby." Castiel replied. Bobby stared at the wall. Dean just looked at the floor, his hands in his pockets.

"So now what happens?" Ruby's tone was dry and bitter. "Now you use your angelic mojo and smite my ass, right? Or did you want to do it, Dean? Take the Colt and put a bullet in my head? Sam's not here anymore, so why keep around the demon he married, right?"

Bobby held up his hands. "Ruby...just calm down, okay?"

Ruby's eyes flashed black. "Don't you fucking tell me to calm down!" Ruby stormed towards the door, knife in hand. "You even think of coming after me, I'll kill you. I swear."

She didn't even let them say anything as she walked out of Bobby's house, slamming the door shut behind her. Ruby walked to her car, getting and putting the keys in the ignition.

And she drove. She didn't know for how long, but she put Bobby's house far behind her.

Somewhere along the line, she pulled over on the side of the highway and just started to cry.

A month later

Ruby didn't know how she kept on living, but she did. She knew that it was because Sam wouldn't have wanted her to just let herself go, but all Ruby wanted to do was curl up into a little ball and just let herself fade to nothing. She gave up so much for Sam. Everything she had done was so that she could be with him. And now...he was gone. And it was her own damn fault. If she hadn't had been tasked with getting him to open the pit, then he'd still be alive. And she wouldn't be in this state.

She'd been bartending. It wasn't what most demons would do, but it gave Ruby something to keep her mind off of things. Kept her busy...and from killing people. She knew that Sam wouldn't want her slinking back to her old ways.

Ruby opened the door to the hotel room that she'd been staying at. Right away, something felt wrong.

"Show your damn face, angel."

Castiel stepped out of the shadows. "Ruby." His face was full of concern.

Ruby's eyes flashed black. "What? You're hear to smite me? Dean send you? Or your Daddy?"

"You know that I have had no contact with my heavenly brethren, Ruby."

"Then why the fuck are you here?"

Castiel sighed. "I was told to expect this."

She glared at him. "Who sent you, Castiel?"

"Bobby. He's worried about you, Ruby."

She scoffed.

"No one has heard from you since Sam's...death. You haven't contacted anyone."

"No shit Sherlock."

"I do not understand the reference."

She rolled her eyes. "Why the fuck do you even care? It's not like anyone gives a shit about me."

"I do not understand what human excrement has to do with it, but there are people that care about you, Ruby. Sam wouldn't have wanted-"

"Don't you dare tell me what Sam would have wanted!"

"The mother of his child to cut everyone out of her life."

There was a pause, as Ruby stared at him, slack-jawed.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Castiel looked at her like she had ten heads. "Ruby...you are pregnant. I felt the other presence in the room with us that day. I can feel it now, small, but there."

"Demons don't get pregnant, Castiel! And my body...I'm not even sure if it's actually /alive/ anymore." So many thoughts were swirling through her head. She couldn't be pregnant. Not without Sam here...how the hell was she supposed to be a mother?

"I can assure you, Ruby, you are carrying Sam's child."

Ruby looked down at the ground. She stared at it intently for several long minutes before looking up Castiel.

"I want you to get rid of it."

Castiel just stared at Ruby. "I don't understand."

"You heard me. You can do that, right? Get rid of it. I don't want it."

"Ruby...think about what you are asking me to do. Getting rid of Sam's child..."

"Sam's not here, Castiel. He's gone." A pause. "And he's not coming back."

"It's still a baby, Ruby. Still an innocent life, unborn."

"Is it really, Castiel? Being what I am, can you really speak for its purity? Remember the last half-demon, half-human child we came across? You wanted to kill him, remember?"

"I was wrong, Ruby. Sam and Dean saw to that I didn't take rash action. You did too, if I recall. Why is your own child so different?"

Ruby felt her shoulders shake. She wouldn't cry in front of him. She just wouldn't.

"I can't do it, Castiel," she said. "I can't raise a baby by myself. Not without Sam. I just can't. I'm a demon, Castiel. I can't be a mother."

"Ruby, if there is anything that we have both learned over this past year, it is that we don't have to be what other people want us to. I turned my back on heaven and you threw away everything that you were to be with Sam. You married him, Ruby. You entered the sanctity of marriage, something most of your kind would not dare to do."

"Just do this for me, Castiel. Please."

Castiel looked at her, a sorrowful look on his face. "I cannot, Ruby. It would pain me that you would get rid of the last piece of Sam that you have, but that is something that you are going to have to do yourself, not me. I hope you think about what you set out to do before taking action."

And with that, he was gone.

Three months later

At the end of her first trimester, Ruby felt like she wanted to die. She'd tried getting rid of it, but she couldn't. She couldn't even leave her body. She was as sick as a dog every morning, and her entire body ached all over. She was emotional, and overtired. She'd made contact with Bobby, who surprisingly already knew that she was pregnant, along with Dean, who she hadn't contacted. And when Bobby attempted to get her hooked up to an ultrasound machine to get a look at the baby, the equipment went haywire. Bobby had put his foot down after that, and made Ruby move into the Roadhouse with Ellen and Jo.

She didn't mind it except for Ellen's constant hovering.

And from what Castiel could figure out, it wasn't going to be a normal pregnancy in meaning of the word.

Joy.

Five months later

Everyday Ruby felt herself feel weaker and weaker. She felt as if the baby was draining all of her energies, and she didn't know if she was going to make it through the last month after this. She never felt this sick, or this weak, and she had grown up in a time where everyone she knew was either sick or dying of some disease or another.

Though Ruby had managed to get away from Ellen's watchful eye to get to see someone who she didn't want to...but someone who might be able to help her.

And that was how Ruby found herself at Crowley's mansion one afternoon.

"Your master is expecting me," Ruby said to the hellhound that greeted her with a snarl at the door.

"She is correct, Johann," the crisp British accent said, and Crowley stepped into view. "Mrs. Winchester. How lovely of you to grace me with your presence. Or should I say presences." He gestured to her stomach.

Ruby narrowed her eyes at him. He was mocking her. She knew it. "I came here to do business, Crowley, not exchange pleasantries."

"Very well, then." He gestured for her to follow him inside the house, leading her to his study. He motioned for to take a seat on the couch, before going to sit at his desk himself. "Now...what is it you wanted to discuss with me, Ruby?"

Ruby cut straight to the chase. "I know you've set yourself up as the new King of Hell, Crowley, now that Lucifer's back in his cage."

"Do you? And you're here to, what? Align yourself with me? Or are you here to say that you will free your former master and restore him to power, like your dear friend Meg?"

"That bitch is no friend of mine," Ruby snapped. "And no. I came here to ask...a favor of you."

"And what would that be?"

"I want Sam back."

Crowley laughed. "That is a rather lofty thing to ask of me, Ruby. And what exactly, were you planning on exchanging for your husband's release from the cage?"

"Anything."

Crowley leaned forward, steepling his fingers. "Anything? Such as the child you carry in your belly?"

Ruby stood up. "You aren't getting a damn finger on my baby, Crowley."

"And why not? I can wager that while Bobby Singer might be taking care of you now, his care isn't as good as mine. Promise your baby to me, and you will be taken care of throughout the remainder of your pregnancy. Your child will never want for anything in its life, and will be groomed as any Prince or Princess of Hell should."

Ruby went to leave. "I was thinking that you could help me, but I will not hand my baby over to the likes of you, Crowley."

He sighed. "It's a shame, really. If only there were someway to get Sam's soul back. Maybe then, you wouldn't be without a husband, and your child fatherless."

Ruby paused in the doorway, turning her head over her shoulder. "Excuse me?"

"Sam's soul. The part of him that remains in the cage with his dear friend Lucifer."

"What the hell are you talking about, Crowley?"

"I am talking about your husband's body, that still wanders this plane."

"Sam is dead! You don't dare pull this shit with me!" She snarled at him, her eyes going black.

He laughed at her. "I pity you, Ruby. For someone who claims that the man loved her, it shows how little he truly does care for you, if he hasn't even made himself known to you."

"You're a fucking liar, Crowley. You come near me, or my baby again, and I'll gut you myself. You dare to talk about Sam like that, ever, and I'll do it without blinking."

And without, Ruby stormed out the mansion.

One month later

Ruby couldn't remember the last time she felt so much pain.

She'd been in labor for two days now. She wanted it to be over. The pain. The wondering if she'd make it, if her baby was going to make it.

"Ruby, I need you to push for me honey," Ellen was saying. She and Bobby had stayed with her the entire time, while Jo, Dean, and Jason took turns holding her hand and coaching her through. Castiel stayed in the corner the entire time.

"I can't...I can't..." Ruby said, screaming as she pushed her hardest. She'd seen a few births back when she was still human, but she couldn't remember any of them being this bad.

"You have to, Ruby," Bobby said, "Just a little bit more. Won't be long."

"That's what you said two fucking hours ago!" Ruby pushed again, squeezing Jo's hand. Hard.

"I can see the head, Ruby," Ellen said. "C'mon, just a little bit more...push really hard now."

Ruby pushed as hard as she could, screaming as she clenched her fingers around Jo's hand. She was pretty sure Jo screamed, too, but she didn't really hear.

"Well..." Ruby said, panting as she caught her breath. "Where's my baby? Can I hold it?"

Ellen and Bobby looked at her with solemn faces.

Ellen moved to sit beside Ruby. "I'm so sorry, honey..." she said, stroking her hair. "These things...happen sometimes."

Bobby looked down at the motionless baby in his arms.

"My...my baby's dead?" Ruby couldn't believe it. First Sam...now her baby was gone, too, after everything?

Ruby couldn't help it. Her entire body shook as she sobbed.

Ellen wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. "You just let it all out, honey. It's okay...you can cry if you want to."

Ruby cried, clinging to Ellen, not caring who saw her sob.

Everyone else in the room was silent.

Castiel stepped forward. "Bobby....let me see the child."

Bobby looked at Castiel, a little confused, but complied, handing the baby to Castiel.

Castiel looked down at the baby, closing his eyes and placing his fingers on the infant's forehead. Several moments passed...and a cry filled the room.

Ruby looked up to see Castiel holding her son in his arms, his little eyes staring at the room, wide eyed.

Castiel handed the baby to Ruby, and she held him in her arms. She looked up at Castiel, and found herself smiling at the angel.

"Thank you, Castiel."

A few hours later, Ruby was holding her son in her arms, alone in the tiny room that she had been staying in. She'd leave in a couple of days, but for now she needed to rest.

There was a knock on the door, and Dean stood in the doorway. "Hey." Was all he said, his arms folded over his chest.

"Hey there yourself," Ruby said, looking at him.

Dean slowly stepped into the room. "Is that my new nephew?"

Ruby nodded. There was an awkward silence before she spoke again. "Do you...want to hold him?"

Dean looked a little shocked. "Yeah...sure." He stepped forward, taking the baby in his arms. "He looks just like him."

"I know," Ruby said, watching Dean with her son.

"Did you name?"

"His name is Robert Dean Winchester," Ruby said. "I thought Sam would like it. Ellen said we should call him Robby for short."

"She's a smart woman, Ellen," Dean said. "Hey Robby, I'm your Uncle Dean. You've got...you've got a pretty cool mom. Your Daddy would want you to take care of her for him. Can you do that, little guy?"

Robby yawned. Ruby smiled. "I think that's a yes."

There was a few more minutes of silence before either one of them spoke again.

"Look, Ruby...I know we haven't always been on the best of terms, but if you ever need anything...you can just stop by mine and Lisa's place...okay? And bring Robby with you. I'd like to be able to see him."

Ruby looked at him. Sam wasn't here, but she knew that this what he would have wanted. She managed a small smile. "Okay."