michimonster (michimonster) wrote in blueridgeau,
@ 2012-08-18 17:57:00

Characters: Michi and Tatum
Setting: Tatum's room
Rating: SFW
Content: Apologizing for the train wreck of the day before

Things had not gone at all to plan. Michi had felt betrayed and angry at first but the look on Tatum's face, that was what really broke her heart. She was mad at herself, mostly for the way she reacted and again for the way she had been insensitive about Sam in the first place. If she had been more honest in the first place, maybe they wouldn't be where they were, but that was the thing wasn't it? They were there together, no matter how much Michi tried to fight, there was something about Tatum and that baby that she couldn't... she wouldn't walk away from.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what she could even say to make up for it so she skateboarded into town to get her head on straight. There were a thousand things to say to her girlfriend but she had to show her. After stopping in a few stores, she was sure she had the right gifts that said she was sorry and that she was in it too. She got home early enough but she didn't think she could go right over at the time. She walked around campus, punched a few fence posts, and even got into a minor fight with a boy from her building over bumping into her.

After noon though, she couldn't stand it anymore. She forced herself to cross the Commons and walk right into Shawnee house. Tatum had come to her for comfort and the one thing Michi was good for... she had failed. With a shaking fist she knocked on Tatum's door and then pushed it open, glad to find that the red head was alone. She cleared her throat and shut the door behind her. "I fucked up," she said, feeling incredibly dumb for saying it.

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ojandtostitos
2012-08-30 10:31 am UTC (link)

When Michi came approaching the bed, Tatum did her very best not to flinch back, just drawing her arms tighter around the pillow and resting her chin on it as her girlfriend settled in and looked at her. "Guess so," she agreed weakly, breaking eye contact as Michi looked at her with big eyes. They got her every time and the other girl knew it, Tatum didn't doubt. "You think I'm not panicked? Or scared? I can't.. I can't be a parent when I don't even know how parents act. I know this, stupid facade that my parents put up, wanting to make us seem perfect, make us seem.. better than other people, but I don't know the first thing about what a good parent does because I never had a good parent," she blurted out, face sinking deeper into pillow as she spoke. She had lashes out at Michi the day before about her parents, about how she couldn't understand because her parents already didn't want her, but it had been her own insecurity showing. Showing because she knew that soon, she wouldn't have parents either, good or bad. They'd probably prune her off the family tree or something.

"I want you too," she mumbled back quickly as Michi spoke. She reached over, taking her girlfriend's nearest hand and squeezing it. "I need you, I needed you but.. more than my mom or my dad, I do. They don't care about me like you do, they only care about.. themselves and how we reflect on them and all this bullshit, you never should have started dating a coward like me who couldn't even see that. I never meant to hurt you," the redhead sniffed a little, shaking her head. "I just.. I swear, it was a cover, Sam's just.. I really care about him, okay? I love you so much, but I still.. he's still important to me and i want him in my life.. our life, if he wants to be. I was just so mad at you, and you said do it and I was so mad and high i figured why not, you accuse me all the time anyway so I just.. it wasn't fair to him either, two wrongs don't make a right and now I haven't even told him yet.. about anything, I'm still just a coward. You should get out while you can, I'm not even worth it."

Tatum rolled over onto her back, keeping the pillow with her, covering half her face as she stared up at the ceiling. "He never slept here, if that makes you feel better.. not like that anyway. I only wanted you here," she murmured. "You are different, all those people.. they don't get me like you do and break me down like you, they can't. That's why this can't be wrong because.. like, how can being this in love with someone be wrong? I don't care gay or straight, or like.. a fucking whatever, love is love and I love you and I'm sick of hiding it and fucking it up, making messes.."

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