Ryan knew from what happen to his dad that he had to find a mental anchor something to that was real and stable like his mom had been for his dad but right now he didn’t have a lot of options available to him. But he needed something that could at least to get him out of the haze he was in right now. So Ryan did the only think he could think to do and cut the palm of him hand with his knife letting out a reflexive cry of pain. It hurt a lot but at least he knew it had to be real and he just might be able separate the reality from fantasy from there.
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