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Funny shit:Episode One [Wanting to be Loved] A horrible MGS slash fic.
Just felt like being a jerk today, making fun of this legendarily bad fanfic called ~ Wanting To Be Loved ~
By Synthesis Landale
Enjoy.
Prologue
Balthier: For the love of the Gods, I can not believe such a horrible story exists...*Grumbles a bit as he turns away from the screen.
Dr. Cid: *Looks over at him, was doing a sudoku puzzle.* What's a matter, son? You aren't fooling around on AIM again, are you?
Balthier: *Eye roll* Don't give me that, old man. I am no mood for your jest after reading such lewd...garbage!
Dr. Cid: Oh? What are you speaking about, Fframan? *Gets up and moseys over toward the monitor
Balthier: It's BALTHIER, old man! B A L T H I E R! Got it? *Glares a bit* It's some horrible story I had the displeasure of running into online...
It's called 'Wanting to be Loved' and for the sake of the Gods, I think my mind may have died after reading such repugnant trash!
Dr. Cid: Oh, really now? Where did you find this little diddy in the first place? Don't you dare tell me you've been anonying on 4CHAN again, Balthier...
Balthier: PAY ATTENTION, OLD MAN! I just randomly found it thanks to Vaan who signed on earlier! He has a fetish for this sort of...*Turns up his nose toward the monitor in a look of disdain.* Literature...
Dr. Cid: My word! I think the boy should come out from the closet but this is ridiculous! *Skimming over the fanfic on the screen* Mhm...let's tear it apart, Balthier. Like good ol' times!
Balthier: Mhm? *Raises an eyebrow and starts grinning* Ah yes! Like the time we ran into the SQUIRRELKING's works, yes?
Dr. Cid: *Evil Grin* Indeed....
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Wanting to be Loved- THE WORST METAL GEAR SLASH FIC EVER!
Narrated by Balthier and Dr. Cid!
Dr. Cid: Well, well....let's get this show on road, dear son!
Balthier: Mind your matters, old man!
Snake noted that this mission was going badly wrong as he drew close to the torture room.
Balthier: Oh, God...this sounds badly wrong indeed....
Otacon had been captured, and they hadn't been able to find evidence of the new Metal Gear anywhere.
It had all been a trap to lure them out here. Snake wouldn't have minded so much if this was the first time they'd been set up, but they'd fallen into a trap before, and were blamed for the tanker incident and the ensuing environmental disaster.
Dr. Cid: Why the hell is Otacon captured? Where are they at? Where ARE THEY AT?
Are they floating in space or something? I am not very sure what this whole Metal Gear mess, but what is luring them out? Invisible men?
Balthier: Not to mention the word HADN'T does not bloody exist, first of all!
Snake slunk around the corner in perfect silence. He was close to where Otacon was being held, he was sure of it. He was just hoping that Otacon wasn't being treated too badly...
*^*
Balthier: You have no idea what is about to come, Snake. No idea....
Otacon whimpered. "Leave me alone!"
Ocelot laughed, "Why should I?" he said, "I have good things in store for you..."
Dr. Cid: ...now that line Ocelot said greatly DISTURBED me, son.
Balthier: It gets much worse, father.
Otacon suddenly felt very exposed. He was naked and bound to some kind of metal table, face down. He couldn't see a thing, and that frightened him even more. He just wanted Snake to come and rescue him before something terrible happened.
Dr. Cid: Huh?! What? What just happened? Did Ocelot magically strip off the poor sap's clothing with his magic words? I smell a horrifically bad scene coming, Fframan...
Balthier: It's BATHIER!
Dr. Cid: Oh,whichever!
"Oh, don't worry..." Ocelot said wickedly, "You'll enjoy this..."
Balthier: The hell we will!
Dr. Cid: The only way I would ever enjoy this, is if I get a forced lobotomy...
Otacon felt something warm being pressed up against his ass, and wanted to scream when he figured out what it was.
Balthier: ...wait...
Dr. Cid: ...no, please tell me this is not what I think it is...
It thrust against him suddenly, and he cried out as searing pain shot through his body.
Balthier: AHHHHH!!!!!!! *covers eyes*
Dr. Cid: GOD LORD!? >_<
"NOOO!" Otacon screamed.
Balthier: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Cid: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
"Get away from me!" He sobbed as Ocelot violated him. He'd always been used, abused, destroyed, and now Ocelot was taking the last piece of innocence he had left...
Dr. Cid: What the devils?! Ass hymen? Good Lord, son! I can't read this anymore!
Honestly!
Balthier: Oh, you think THIS is bad?
the part he'd wanted to save for the man he'd loved all this time but had never been able to tell... Now, he had nothing left to offer anyone.
Dr. Cid: Why the fuck would anyone want to offer THAT to anyone?
Balthier: Now now, father! Don't get too testy, you have yet to see the fanfics that include you with a certain Solidor!
Dr. Cid: !?
He was glad he was blindfolded, but he wished he wasn't awake, either. The sound of Ocelot's moans and the feeling of him pressing hard into Otacon was making him feel sick. He was crying, sobbing, unable to control his emotions. He wanted to wake up and discover this was some kind of sick nightmare, but he knew it wasn't, the pain was too intense, the agony in his soul was too real.
Balthier: Oh, but it IS a sick nightmare....
Dr. Cid: *Got up and walked away by now*
He was so sore, he just wanted it to end, but it just got worse as Ocelot neared climax. He pushed into him harder and harder, and all Otacon could do was scream in agony and cry as Ocelot came inside him. Otacon wanted to be sick.
Balthier: I think we beaten you to the *sick* part, Otacon.
Dr. Cid: *A sickly series of coughs could be heard in the background*
Balthier: Dry heaving already, old man? *looks over*
"FREEZE!" came a cry from the door. Ocelot withdrew from Otacon and turned around slowly, laughing wickedly as he zipped up his trousers. Snake glowered at him with a look of sheer disgust as he felt his blood boil inside of him at the realization of what Ocelot had done to Otacon.
Balthier: I think you should be throwing up, Snake...
I mean honestly, Hal just got assraped by a 65 year old gremlin,!!!
Ocelot laughed. "You missed the show, Snake," he said, "Your little friend here was very... good. A virgin too...!"
Dr. Cid: *shouting* HOW CAN THIS WOMAN WRITE THIS GARBAGE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE?!
Balthier: See, now you realize why I called it trash to begin with...
[EPISODE TWO, TOMORROW]
