xavier macnair. (xav) wrote in paddedrooms,
@ 2012-12-13 23:09:00

Xavier liked spending time with Caspar, but he had a boyfriend and a best friend to spend time with too. Especially with his boyfriend. Xavier had to check that he didn't have any marks from Caspar, but he'd been the one doing most of the marking up. He felt guilty, but not guilty enough that when he saw a post on some blog about Cepheus Malfoy and James Potter shagging he didn't feel a flare of jealousy.

He was supposed to meet Elodie for lunch, but plans could be postponed. He texted her to tell her to come to hig flat instead of meeting at the restaurant and headed home, hoping Cepheus would be there. Cepheus hated James Potter. And Xavier wasn't allowed to be jealous. It was hypocritical. "Phe? You home?" he called.

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xav
2012-12-14 06:18 am UTC (link)

"I --" Xavier stared at Cepheus with his blond curls and his big eyes and felt all his self-control collapse. He pulled Cepheus close to his chest, holding him tightly. "You're not disgusting," he promised. "I don't think you're disgusting."

He leaned down and kissed Cepheus softly. "James Potter isn't going to wreck us. We've been together for two years. We're too good to let him get in the way of that."

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	pheus 2012-12-14 06:26 am UTC (link)
	Cepheus looked back at Xavier, sniffling softly. He reached up and wiped at his eyes, shaking his head. "I'm no good for you, Xavier. I cheated on you. That makes me disgusting and... I don't deserve you." He held him close and kissed his neck tenderly. "Cheating on someone is the lowest thing you could do." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2012-12-14 06:34 am UTC (link)
	Xavier felt guilt tugging on him as he rubbed Cepheus's back. "You..." He sighed. He really didn't want to tell Cepheus. Cepheus had a temper and if Xavier told Cepheus about Caspar that was it for them. He was sure of it. "I love you," he said, pulling back a little so he could look Cepheus in the eye. "Just... tell me I was better than him and we'll be okay." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	pheus 2012-12-14 06:37 am UTC (link)
	"OF course you're better than him. You are better than him in every single way." Cepheus replied and ran his hand up and down Xavier's chest. He wanted to feel close to him. As close as he could be. "I love you." He whispered and pressed their foreheads together. "I still feel disgusting. Unworthy." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2012-12-14 06:41 am UTC (link)

"Fuck." Xavier couldn't do this anymore. He pulled away from Cepheus, running a hand through his hair. "You're not unworthy, Cepheus. Look, I..."

He glanced at him. "You're going to want to move to your new flat after all. At least you just told me. I... when I ran into Caspar again I'd been drinking with Elodie, and we... I slept with him. Only once. I made sure he knew it couldn't happen again because I'm with you and I don't want that to change, but I'll understand if it does now."

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pheus
2012-12-14 06:46 am UTC (link)

Cepheus looked back at Xavier. He'd sat there and poured his heart out and Xavier was just now spilling his secrets? He lost it, bursting into tears, holding his face in his hands. It hurt. A lot. Over the years, he'd constantly heard golden stories about the talented, beautiful boy who had ran away.

"At least I hated the person I was with." Cepheus told him. "How the hell am I supposed to stack up to someone you talk about like they're the fucking second coming of Jesus?"

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xav
2012-12-14 06:59 am UTC (link)

Xavier stared at Cepheus. He'd expected anger, not this, and this hurt way more. "I didn't... I don't want to be the guy who cheats on his boyfriend," he said. "You don't have to stack up to anyone, Cepheus. You're my boyfriend. You're the person I'm with. The person I've been trying to get to live with me."

He reached out and took Cepheus's hand in his. "I just want to be friends with Caspar. I didn't think... Fuck, I know I'm an idiot, Phe. I'm the one who's disgusting here."

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pheus
2012-12-15 03:13 am UTC (link)

Cepheus looked back at Xavier for a moment, then closed his eyes and took a breath. He leaned in and kissed Xavier softly, kissing him and crawling into his lap. He ran his fingers through his hair and pressed close, trying to show him how he felt about him.

"I love you." He whispered. "I want to live with you. Will you come look at the flat with me?" His fingers ran down Xavier's neck. "If you want to stay with me."

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	xav 2012-12-15 03:22 am UTC (link)
	Xavier relaxed a little when Cepheus crawled into his lap, wrapping his arms around the other boy and nodding. "Of course," he said, kissing him again. "I love you too, Cepheus. I'll come see the flat with you." He smiled and kissed Cepheus again. "You have great taste. I saw the place you picked out for Bruno. I'm sure it'll be lovely." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	pheus 2012-12-15 03:46 am UTC (link)
	Cepheus carefully looked his boyfriend over. "Was he better than me?" He asked him quietly, his eyes still full of tears. It was bothering him. Xavier had always talked so much about Caspar and how talented he was. He bit his lip. "You can be honest. I won't hate you." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2012-12-15 03:51 am UTC (link)

"No," Xavier said, shaking his head. He didn't have to think about the answer, because no matter what, no was always the best answer to that question, regardless of how good or bad Caspar had been. "I was drunk and over-whelmed that we'd found each other again. I don't have feelings for him like I do for you, Cepheus. I love you."

He kissed Cepheus, petting hair away from his face. "You're the only one for me. I promise. I don't want to be with anyone else."

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