xavier macnair. (xav) wrote in paddedrooms,
@ 2013-01-27 00:07:00

Part of Xavier was ashamed. He'd slept with Cepheus again, but he and Caspar weren't officially together, so it wasn't really cheating, and now they had all their feelings out of the way and he had Cepheus's permission to go and get Caspar. He felt much better, after spending the day with Cepheus. Lighter. That part of his life was settled now and all the loose ends had been tied up.

He'd bought Caspar some flowers on the way from taking a shower at his flat and changing clothes. Cepheus had left some bruises, but that was okay. Xavier would explain everything. He knocked on Caspar's door.

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	xav 2013-01-27 07:16 am UTC (link)
	"That's not what they are," Xavier insisted. "That's not why I bought them. I bought them because now we can be together. We don't have to worry about anyone else. It's just us." He gave Caspar a pleading look. "I swear I have no desire to sleep with him again. We were just saying goodbye." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 07:26 am UTC (link)
	"How would you feel if I went out and slept with someone?" Caspar asked, shaking his head. "If I just went out and slept with someone to say goodbye to my being single?" He shook his head. "There's not a difference. The fact here is that you've hurt my feelings and now you're treating it like it's nothing. And that makes it even worse." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 07:31 am UTC (link)

"No, I care about your feelings, Caspar," Xavier insisted. "I'm sorry that I hurt them. I don't like that I did. But there is a difference between this and you sleeping with someone random. This was just a break up thing. It's just what happens."

He stood up, walking over and touching Caspar's cheek. "I'm sorry," Xavier said. "I'm sorry I hurt you. You're right. I wouldn't like it if you slept with someone else. It would drive me crazy."

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caspr
2013-01-27 07:38 am UTC (link)

Caspar looked back at Xavier with tears filling his eyes. He'd thought that he was enough for Xavier. But, the bullshit that Xavier was coming up with just hurt even more. He closed his eyes and let the tears streak down his cheeks.

"Just... stop talking. You're making it worse." Caspar pulled back from him. "It's not just what happens. At all. It's not." He shook his head. "It happened because you let it happen. It didn't have to happen. Maybe you don't want me as much as you think you do."

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	xav 2013-01-27 07:41 am UTC (link)
	"I've wanted you my whole life," Xavier said, letting Caspar pull away. "Ask any of my friends, Cas. I've wanted to be with you for as long as I've wanted to be with anyone. You're the only one for me." He reached out, touching his hand. "I'm sorry, Caspar. Please. I don't want to lose you when we've finally found each other." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 07:50 am UTC (link)
	"I'm allowed to be upset about this, Xavier." Caspar told him, looking up at him with a frown. "Sure, you dated him for two years. But, he cheated on you more than once. And yet you still felt inclined to sleep with him. Knowing that I'm your..." He shook his head. "You don't even know me, Xavier. You wanted your childhood friend back. Not a lover." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 08:02 am UTC (link)

"I know you're allowed to be upset," Xavier said. "I just don't want us to break up because of it. I cheated on Cepheus too, remember? Maybe I only did it once, but I wanted to do it more than that, as soon as I found you again."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I know you well enough to know that I want to be with you. You haven't changed that much since we were kids."

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	caspr 2013-01-27 08:06 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah. You cheated on Cepheus. And now you've cheated on me." Caspar told him, shaking his head. "Maybe you're not capable of being faithful. How am I supposed to trust you after this?" Caspar frowned at that. "I've changed a lot since we were kids. I still have the same dream, but I'm different." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 08:12 am UTC (link)

"I only slept with Cepheus because we had stuff that was unresolved," Xavier said, for what felt like the hundredth time. He didn't understand what Caspar didn't understand about that. "You can't complain about me cheating on Cepheus. I only did that because it was you."

He shook his head. "I know you'd changed. But you're still the same too. You're still... you. Okay? I care about you."

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	caspr 2013-01-27 08:19 am UTC (link)
	"Fine. You care about me." Caspar shook his head and fell back on the couch. He felt miserable now. Like maybe he wasn't really enough for Xavier. Like he may find that he actually really wants Cepheus back. He ran a hand through his hair, not sure what to say to Xavier. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2013-01-27 08:27 am UTC (link)
	Xavier pursed his lips for a moment, then sat next to Caspar on the couch. "You're still mad," he said, because it was obvious. "I'm sorry." He reached out, touching Caspar's hand. "Do you want me to leave? Would that help?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 08:28 am UTC (link)
	"If you leave, I'll just sit here and think about how much I hate you for leaving." Caspar admitted, looking down at his hands in his lap. He picked at his nail and then let out a soft smile. "I'm pissed at you. You're making it seem like this is nothing." Caspar told him. "If I'd had a boyfriend and I did this to you, you'd be furious." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2013-01-27 08:39 am UTC (link)
	"I... yes," Xavier admitted, after a moment. "I would be. I'd want to punch him until his face looked like hamburger." He mussed up his own hair again. "I didn't think of it like that. I'm sorry. It really wasn't... we didn't even kiss during or anything." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 08:52 am UTC (link)
	"You're not going to make any of this better by trying to make it trivial." Caspar frowned at Xavier, shaking his head. "You're only pissing me off more. So shut up." He ran a hand through his hair. "Just... give me time to stop being mad at you." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2013-01-27 08:56 am UTC (link)
	"Okay, I'll stop," Xavier said. He reached out, tentatively, and touched Caspar's hair. "I'm sorry I made you so upset. I'm going to work to be better for you." He pulled his hand back. "I want to be a good boyfriend. Do you want to tell me about your week, maybe? Or your classes?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-28 12:55 am UTC (link)
	"My week was a lot of practicing. And eating lunch with people I need to get in with so I can become something." Caspar told him, shrugging. "I auditioned for a few small productions and got the lead in a school production of Les Mis." He shrugged. "So, nothing really happened." He told him. "What about you? Other than fucking someone else." (Reply to this)(Parent)

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