Samuel Harper (samlish) wrote in riddikulus,
@ 2008-01-31 23:02:00

WHO; Dean Urquhart and Samuel Harper.
WHEN; After class.
WHERE; Out around Hogwarts.
SUMMARY; Sam agrees on meeting Dean and try to work their friendship out.
RATING; PG-13, for words.
STATUS; Incomplete.

When Sam was walking down the stairs to the Entrance Hall, his mind wasn't really thinking only happy thought about having to meet Dean now again, he wanted to meet him, more than anything and anyone, but at the same time he felt weird. He had admitted to him that he had fallen for him now instead, and it was all so weird, because now he knew that he didn't like him. It had been so much easier when he was sure Dean liked him more than a friend to like him back, now it just felt weird and all he wanted was to be straight. Maybe he really was straight anyway, all of this might only have been a experiment, he only wanted to check out how it was to be with another guy, and it had been better than he thought, he had to admit that, and maybe even better in a way than being with a girl, new things always made him feel better, trying something new, whatever it was, so maybe it had just been that, that was why it had felt better with a guy than a girl.. Yeah, that must be it. Sam thought as he got down from the last stair to the Entrance Hall, he stopped at the bottom of the stairs for a while and then began chewing on his bottom lip and playing the buttons in his shirt, still wearing his school uniform and feeling like he wanted to just rip it off, like most times after a while day full of classes he just wanted to mostly fall a sleep in.. But he couldn't do that now. No, meeting Dean now was awkward and weird enough, being naked would make it even more so..

Dean had not arrived yet, he notice as he looked around and went over to stand in one of the corner, watching the people walking past him now and then, some of them stared at him, curious on what he was doing there, but he just got his hands down his pockets, leaning against the closest wall and waited for Dean to show up. He was getting a bit used to all the staring, he usually did like staring and being the center of things, but for things he liked that was good for him, not bad like this.. And he really did hate this kind of attention he was getting, everybody whispering and talking about him behind his back, he just wanted to hide until it was all over, but that so wasn't his style, at all.. He hoped Dean would show up soon however, he didn't like just standing there, letting them watch him, like a fucking monkey in a cage at Zoo or whatever. But at the same time he wished Dean wouldn't come soon, because to tell the truth he was so fucking nervous he could throw up.. Was this how it felt to see someone in class you were in love with, wait for them and feel like you wanted to see him all the day, but still not? Must be, Sam had never really been in love before, and now well.. it was sorta like a first crush or love.. Which made him wish he could like only girls even more.. because he was not gay, he just wasn't..

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thebetterdean
2008-02-01 12:30 am UTC (link)

Dean had spent his day struggling to do homework, and failing. He actually spent most of his day playing guitar in the boys’ dorm since nobody was around, and then he had gone outside and spent most of the day snapping pictures. Dean had one class today at 8 so he really had time on his hand. He had also book the pitch for practice on Monday after dinner. The team had to practice. Dean had also spent sometime with Stewart, but most of his focus was on his meeting time with Sam which was after Sam’s potions class. So when 4:40 rolled around he knew what he was suppose to be doing, and that was heading to meet up with Sam. They had a bit before dinner which would allow them to talk and walk, and see if this friendship of theirs could be fixed. Dean hoped the answer was yes.

With his usual beanie on his head, and dressed in his uniform bottoms and a t-shirt with a zip up sweater pulled on over top. He had half removed himself from his uniform. He was just scratching his inner leg as he came up the stairs from the Slytherin common room where he had been lounging before meeting up with Sam. He looked around the Entrance Hall hoping not to be stood up, like he was on some sort of date. Luckily Dean saw Sam and headed straight for him. His stomach felt normal now less pent up and nervous about trying to get Sam to like him again.

“Hey,” he said as she stood with his hands in his pockets now and looked at him. He was curious as to how this would go. “Shall we head for the walk?”

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samlish
2008-02-01 12:58 am UTC (link)

If he had been nervous before, it was nothing compare to what he felt when he saw Dean walking up from the dungeons and coming into the Entrance Hall from them, his hands in his pockets, dressed in not his school uniform but one of his t-shirts and zip up sweater he always wore, or at least quite often and of course that beanie Sam had learned to like. He was just used it by now he guessed, when he first started to wear it Sam had not wasted any time to make fun of it on him, but of course he stopped with it after a while, and it has never been meant in a mean way and he knew Dean knew that. But right now his stomach wanted to turn itself inside out and he wanted to just throw up his breakfast and lunch. He never had been this nervous, or wait, once, at his father's funeral, when he had not wanted to cry in front of any people, not even his mother and his sisters, and he had been so damn afraid of just loosing it and cry like a baby in front of everyone, and he had not done it, but he had felt so terrible the whole time he had tried holding it in, and now it was almost like that time. But of course Dean was not dead.. and he had already cried for Dean more than in front of anyone else, he wasn't scared of that anymore, or at least not as much at all.

Nodding as Dean came up to him, hands in his pockets looking almost as nervous as he was, he looked up at a few 4th years boys from Ravenclaw looking at them as they passed, they looked a mix of disgusted and shocked, and it just made Sam so damn angry. He gave them a hard look, and they hurried into the Great Hall to study or whatever they were suppose to do in there. Sam looked back to Dean and swallowed, again back to feeling so nervous again. "Yeah.. the walk. Let's take that one." He stroked some of his hair back from his forehead and face, his fingers running between it easily, he had taken a shower this morning and he felt just silly doing it, because it was just Dean, but still, he had done it and now he wished he hadn't.. He rolled up his sleeve on his white school uniform shirt and started to walk to the Entrance door, leading out, he glanced up at Dean as he did so and mumbled. "This is weird.. But just so you know.. I don't like you.. like that.. I don't.. Or I won't.. It will stop. Oh fuck, whatever, I don't want to like you that way anyway." He was so annoyed at himself for sounding like a stupid dork, and he knew he had lied, he did want to like him, even if Dean had hurt him, he liked to feel warm and tingly whenever he saw him, even if Stewart usually ruined it all by being next to him everywhere in this freaking castle.. But he did of course also enjoyed those wet dreams, they were annoying from a start, now he did quite enjoyed him actually.. even if he said he was not gay, he still liked the wet dreams about other guys more than those with girls in, which he disliked quite a lot..

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thebetterdean
2008-02-01 01:36 am UTC (link)

Seeing Sam there was refreshing because he didn’t seem to feel the urge to yell at him or walk the other way. They were actually going to talk and that meant a lot to him. Dean needed Sam in his life as he was his best friend, and wanted him to remain that. Dean was not really focused on anyone else but Sam right now so he didn’t notice the fourth year. When they headed for the entrance way of the school he smiled more to himself than anyone. He was happy he was spending time with Sam.

He looked over at him as they walked outside. Dean shivered a little forget it was October, and just looked back to the other direction to stop staring as Sam began to speak. “It is okay, just well. Yeah I want to be your friend and if it slow going it is.” Dean grinned at him. “I’m just happy you are talking to me.”

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samlish
2008-02-01 02:05 am UTC (link)

When they got outside of the castle and he felt the cold winds of this October day, just like Dean had done, he shivered too and pulled down the sleeves of his shirt as much as possible, it was so bloody cold, he should have taken a jacket, why hadn't he thought of that? Sighing he tried to keep himself from shivering and looking too cold, but he began to move a bit more, as much as he could without looking weird, as he walked slowly pass the Greenhouses down to the lake and forbidden forest behind it. He chewed on his bottom lip again and looked up at Dean as he talked, answer him and what he had said about that he disliked to like him that way.. more than friends. He kinda regretted saying it, but still not, he felt so weak when Dean knew that he liked him, so maybe it had been good anyway sort of.. "Yeah, it feels good.. Weird, but good. It's freaking cold outside though.. Fuck.."

He mumbled, as he moving his hands against each other, trying to get them armed up again, but it was not working that well. If it had been like before, Sam had tried to get his hand in under Dean's shirt to warm them there against his warm skin, which before had always made him dance around trying to get away and well it ended it a lot of laughs and if it was snow outside, a lot of snow inside of their clothes and in their faces also. But he couldn't do that now.. he glanced down at Dean's hands still in his pockets and then at his zip up sweater, thinking for a while how it would be, how it could be still if none of that would have happened. But then he looked away with a little smile and then he started instead to jumped up and down, stopping himself as they were almost at the lake, and began to blow hot air on his hands keeping them cupped around his face and mouth. A few Hufflepuffs went by and giggled and Sam turned to them and said loudly. "What? He has a bad hair day, you know, nothing to laugh about!" He turned back to Dean and smiled at him, and said in a joking kind of voice. "This.. is only covering up for your beanie you know." He said like he was doing this for Dean's sake. He tried to get the same feeling between them back, he was really trying everything he could to make things go back to normal for them..

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thebetterdean
2008-02-01 04:21 am UTC (link)

Walking with Sam was nice, even if it was sort of tense. He just watched where they were walking not for any reason in particular other than not to stare at Sam. He didn’t want to stare because he didn’t want to deal with those stupid attraction feelings. Dean really liked Stewart, but it didn’t stop him from being slightly attracted to Sam still. Three years was hard to forget. “Yeah it is cold.” He decided ignore the parts about the weirdness. Dean didn’t want to deal with it.

Dean was just trying to stop focusing on how cold he was because it was just making it worse. Dean glanced over at Sam and smiled. He felt bad he was cold and had it been like before he would have offered him to warm him. Now that was something for Stewart. Dean sighed softly as he thought about Stewart and silly grin came on his face. He looked back at his feet not noticing the students or who they made fun of unaware it was him. He heard Sam defend him causing him to look up. “What?” He was confused and looked at Sam. “Uh thanks.” He awkwardly smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “So what have you been doing Sam?”

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samlish
2008-02-02 12:36 am UTC (link)

When Dean didn't get his joke he right away got all quiet and he felt all weird, this had been a bad a idea, he could feel it, things were different and awkward and it felt like he was the only one trying. Or maybe he wasn't, but what he had just tried had failed, that was for sure. He glanced at Dean as he started to walk again, his question was kinda silly to ask, what did he actually think he had been doing? He mumbled as he started to walk up to the lake. "Oh you know.. the same old stuff. Disgusting toast to breakfast, classes that make you fall a sleep or put me into another detention for some silly reason.. avoiding dinner.. avoiding you, sleeping two hours a night. You know, the usual stuff." Sam was not in a good mood suddenly, and he wanted Dean to know that, he wanted him to feel guilty all of a sudden, know what he had caused him, because it was a little and here he was trying even if a part of him just wanted to go back to his bed and try to sleep a third hour to his last night's sleep, he was really fucking tired right now.

He looked up and mumbled again as he walked up to the lake and kneed down to feel on the water with his fingers, it was freezing, but that was not weird, since it was October and all, but still it was kinda depressed since Sam liked to swim, and this well was way too cold. "I'm not really allowed to be out here you know.. they might start to shoot on us any minute now.. You better duck.." Sam sat down into the grass just next to the lake, so she could carry on feeling the water with his hand, even if it was started to hurt by the cold water, he really didn't care, it hurt more to have Dean there next to him, not wanting him anymore.. "Hold long do you think I can keep my hand in the water..? Like before it turns blue I mean.."

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thebetterdean
2008-02-07 04:42 pm UTC (link)

Dean tried to ignore the words and the pain they caused. He didn’t want to hear that he had affected Sam this way, and that he had made a goal of ignoring him. He didn’t want to think of that, because it hurt to know this especially since he caused it. Dean would rather forget it all happened, but that was not something possible. He chose to skim past that little stint in the conversation and focus more on what Sam said after. “Well honestly I don’t care if you get in trouble I get in trouble. I will say I dragged you out here and I deserve the detention.” Dean gave him a reassuring smile and looked as they arrived at the lake.

“I dunno, how cold is it?” Dean asked as she sat down next to him and slipped his hand into the water next to Sam’s. Dean’s hand brushed against Sam’s and he held it for a second and looked at Sam. He was still as gorgeous as ever, that was what was so painful about it all. He hadn’t really stopped liking Sam, he just knew that he couldn’t be with Sam he needed him in a different way. He let go of his hand and pulled it out. “I would give it like an hour.” He smiled briefly.

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samlish
2008-02-07 05:06 pm UTC (link)

The water was just what Sam needed, it was cold and it hurt so much it took away a lot of the other pain he felt for how awkward this moment was and the worry about how things might now be ruined between them. Suddenly though, dean got down next to him and slipped one of his own hands into the water next to his, and then he felt the brushing and then Dean's hand actually closed around his for a moment or two, he looked up just the moment Dean did and met his eyes, his searching look and he could feel such a strong mix of pain and happiness inside of himself, he was just about to pull Dean's hand close into his when he pulled away so did also his look, and he pulled his hand up, it was so cold he had no feeling in it, but then his hand started to get normal and he could move his fingers again, he chewed on his bottom lip and mumbled. "Yeah, there's other things I would give an hour to also.." He meant this, the moment they had here, things was already weird, their meeting would probably not last longer than an hour, which made him almost depressed right away, because before they had spent hours and hours together, even days and now.. It wasn't like that, and he missed it so much.

"You have a boyfriend, I get it.. I know. And I want to hurt him so badly, seriously.. it scares me. But then I know it would hurt you.. and it's all so damn girly.. but I don't want to hurt you, not even through him. So I'm not gonna try.. not anymore, Dean. I guess you feel happy now." He went closer to the water, walking just on the edge, being very close to actually fall in if he took one step wrong or slipped on the slippery grass or something, or on a stone sticking up. But he liked things that were dangerous, he has always liked them, trying new things and seeing how much he could, and Dean had been both things he needed, the one that told him that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, and then the one that cheered him on the most, but always the one that was there in the end, no matter what if it ended with people cheering for him because he had done it, or if he had been getting detention and three days in the Hospital Wing for breaking a arm or so. But now he wasn't, even if he said he would..

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